Why I Advocate Domestic Discipline


Domestic discipline commonly refers to a relationship where one spouse is in charge. In our case, Mrs. Lion is the boss. If you research domestic discipline on the Web, you’ll find a lot of lore filled with jargon that applies to this practice. I found a lot of “taken in hand” as a euphemism for using corporeal punishment to enforce the will of the dominant partner. I suppose that means I’m being “taken in hand.” Many of the online accounts are filled with rituals that are similar to the master/slave dialogs in BDSM.

For me, at least, the idea of corporeal punishment makes for a hot fantasy. Spanking, in particular, is a big fantasy turn on for me. These fantasies drove my request that Mrs. Lion use domestic discipline as the way to reinforce my obedience. The reality, however, is nothing like those fantasies. For one thing, a punishment spanking does not make any allowance for “warm up.” The first swat is full force and is intended to hurt. There is no consideration of my desire for the pain to stop. My job is to stay still and expose my bare bottom. Sound kind of sexy? It does. The sexy part goes away after the first swat.

The entire point of punishment is to provide retribution and a strong incentive to not repeat the offense. It’s supposed to be as unpleasant as possible. Now that’s not sexy at all. Over time, for me a very short time, it becomes clear that punishment is to be avoided. That’s the entire point of domestic discipline. Now that I know that if I break a rule or displease Mrs. Lion that I will be hurting in a way I hate, I think twice before risking her displeasure.

Many couples who practice female led relationships don’t include punishment in the fabric of their relationship. That doesn’t mean the female leader has no way of enforcing her will. Rewards, like orgasms, can be withheld. Extra chores can be assigned. But unlike domestic discipline, physical punishment is generally not used. This works very well for many.

These are the reasons I think that domestic discipline is particularly good for FLR’s :

  • Service is never associated with punishment. In a domestic discipline relationship, chores, sexual service, and orgasms for the male aren’t the primary tool for discipline. The male never learns to associate these things with negative behavior. In fact, he comes to think of them as positive aspects of the relationship.
  • Corporeal punishment, particularly spanking, has a clear start and end. Once the punishment is completed the transgression is forgiven. Guilt for wrongdoing is avoided.
  • It is easy for me, at least, to associate the pain of the spanking with the behavior that prompted it. Ambiguity is absent.
  • If I need reassurance of Mrs. Lion’s control, I can always ask for a maintenance spanking. This is a spanking as forceful as a punishment, but is given as a reminder of what will happen if I misbehave. Even though I hate the pain, I find the demonstration of Mrs. Lion’s power very reassuring. If, for some reason, she goes too easy on a maintenance spanking, I don’t get as much benefit.
  • Because I know that I can be spanked at any time Mrs. Lion wishes, I am never far from thoughts of who is truly in charge. Painful spankings are very graphic reminders that FLR isn’t a game and that I face real, very uncomfortable, consequences if I forget.

I think that spanking is one of the keys to my full assimilation into FLR/FLR. As long as Mrs. Lion consistently punishes me as needed, and I request maintenance spankings (she can do them too if she feels I am slipping), our power dynamic stays in the foreground. I am convinced that it is very difficult to maintain a long term FLR  without power-reinforcing rituals.

Domestic discipline is great for this. For one thing, many males have fantasized about being physically punished. So, introducing it into the relationship will initially be viewed as a dream come true. Once established, punishment sessions can be ritualized and take on a life of their own. That isn’t to say domestic discipline is enough to keep FLR going. It isn’t. The disciplining wife needs to develop the “discipline:” habit. Consistent enforcement of rules provides a stable environment for the male to settle into and maintain his submissive role. He has to help her build those habits. Even though he is inviting pain, it helps if he “reminds” her if she misses an infraction. He can also ask for a maintenance spanking.

I think that Mrs. Lion has begun to build those habits. There are times when she forgets to punish me for a few days. But when she remembers, the paddle is firmly applied. Domestic Discipline is like dieting. You can still lose weight if you occasionally take a few days off from calorie counting. As long as you go back to the plan, the pounds still come off. A paddle that gathers dust is a sign that maybe it is time to get back into the discipline diet.


  1. Author

    Nice post and a good way to look at this. Thank you.

  2. Author

    Did making the spankings so real and painful spoil them as a source of sexual excitement? If so, was the trade off worth it?

    1. Author

      The spankings are real. They are not for sexual fun at all. They are punishment. Our female led marriage is real.

  3. Author

    I understood that. It seemed like spankings were an exciting fantasy to you, and then you started DD. I just wondered if once you go that route, you lose a source of fantasy and excitement. Some people seem to do both erotic and disciplinary spankings, so I guess they can still enjoy it if the context is different.

    1. Author

      We do both kinds. Fun spanking starts easy and gets harder. Punishment spankings start hard and stay that way. The spanking fantasies are still arousing to me.

  4. Author

    We are a 4 months into male chastity. The first time I locked his penis, he was dying to have it removed after 24 hours. No matter what time frame we agreed upon he was always needing it off beforehand. I established the guideline that the gage never comes off without a paddling. We wrote it down and signed this rule into effect. The first time that I spanked him I surprised him with how hard I spanked him, it was not sexual or sensual, it was a price to be paid for release. I am so glad I spanked so hard, it established a good foundation. I have paddled him a half dozen times and because I am becoming comfortable I am paddling even harder. (I would not want anyone to paddle me this hard) Now, 4 months down the road, he is choosing longer cage times because of the deterrent of spanking. We are currently in a 7 day cage time. When the time was completed I approached him with the key and paddle for release. He chose not to be released because of the paddle. He is currently on day 12 and is finding his balance between the pleasure of orgasm vs the pain of paddling. Eventually his desire to ejaculate will cause him to ask for the paddle. Any wives reading this post, if your husband is bugging you for release, this will nip that in the bud.

    1. Author

      I don’t believe I’ve seen the word “dilemma” illustrated in such a poignant manner. Gulp.

  5. Author

    If it works for you and him, all the more power to you both. My Goddess and I could not function day to day that way due to the nature of jobs and lifestyles. But I really like the power play there. That was good.

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