A longstanding debate between some guys who identify as being in domestic discipline relationships and me has been the apparent lack of seriousness in how Mrs. Lion and I do it. Dan asks:
” I guess my question is, do either of you *really* like/want/need discipline, or is discipline just a justification you seem to want to use for more spanking?”
That’s a fair question. The structured way that we approach domestic discipline certainly has the flavor of a BDSM game. Our search for more concrete rules to enforce enhances that impression. After all, we do play spanking games sometimes. Is this just another one?
My sexual interest in spanking led me to read the old Disciplinary Wives Club website. The stories were very hot. From my vantage point, the site was at least fifty percent sexual content and fifty percent information about domestic discipline. I was attracted to both aspects. Mrs. Lion had been spanking me (BDSM) since shortly after we met. It didn’t shock her when I proposed that she punish me for breaking rules. I didn’t suggest that she set easy-to-break rules as a way of training us.
The original idea was that she would punish me when I upset her. I hated it when she ignored me after I had interrupted her a few times. I had to extract why she was upset. I knew that her past marriage forced her to hide any bad feelings she had. My thinking was that she could learn to express those feelings when they occurred by spanking me. In my mind, it was a two-birds-with-one-stone concept. I had no idea that I was opening Pandora’s Box.
Unlike some couples, we didn’t have serious behavioral issues to correct. I don’t drink, smoke, or gamble. I can be forgetful and act like a know-it-all. Mrs. Lion likes me to handle the finances and make many of the routine decisions. I thought we had a safe environment for her to express displeasure. When I proposed a disciplinary relationship, she agreed but was doubtful about her role changing.
She decided to make “rules” that I would almost certainly break. She said that it would teach us both. I agreed. In the beginning, her spankings were pretty anemic. They were less intense than what we did when we played. I figured it was because the offenses were fairly trivial. When we talked about it, Mrs. Lion said that she didn’t feel good about hurting me. She didn’t like spanking me for a reason.
We talked and wrote about this. I wanted her to like the idea of punishing me, just like the DWC wives liked beating their husbands. She made it clear that she would never like it. We discussed our very different views about the purpose of disciplinary spanking. I insisted that if I got any pleasure from one, the value would be lost. Mrs. Lion was steadfast in her wish not to hurt me.
Eventually, we settled on her doing a series of spanking “experiments.” These were sessions where she would use various paddles, intensities, and techniques. She learned to deliver spankings that hurt like hell and made me sore for days. This didn’t thrill her, but she did it because she knew it was what I wanted.
After that, my punishment spankings were very painful. I got no sexual pleasure from them. She refined her technique and settled on making a punishment ten minutes long for the first offense. Any additional offense added another five minutes to my spanking. I hated those punishments.
I was left with two concrete rules. Both were for me to do things that Mrs. Lion considered important: closing the shower door and setting up the coffee maker the day before. I learned to be very careful to do both. On very rare occasions, I would be punished for interrupting. Mrs. Lion and I wrote about this as well as having numerous discussions. She was still having a lot of trouble punishing me for things that annoyed her.
That brings us to the present. Mrs. Lion gives me butt-bruising spankings without remorse. She is one-hundred percent consistent about enforcing my chore-based rules. She still has trouble punishing me for things that annoy her. I get somewhat frequent “Just Because” spankings. These serve the purpose of reminding us both that we are in a disciplinary relationship.
Domestic discipline isn’t natural to us. Mrs. Lion doesn’t think of spanking me when I annoy her, at least not most of the time. We agree that my behavior needs improvement in my communication style with her. She still isn’t certain about punishing me for these subjective offenses. She agrees that spanking teaches me to correct my behavior.
Does this mean we don’t meet Dan’s standard for a true domestic discipline marriage? It might in his mind. After all, there is no objective standard for any of this stuff. It’s true that Mrs. Lion isn’t a “natural” spanker. She was never spanked as a child. She never spanked anyone before meeting me. Unlike Dan’s wife, she had to learn to spank me when I did something wrong.
Mrs. Lion is learning. She’s comfortable with giving me painful spankings. She enjoys catching me breaking minor rules. She still isn’t comfortable with punishing me for the more serious, subjective offenses. That’s where we stand. We believe that we are in a disciplinary marriage. We are making progress. I can’t know what happens in Dan’s house. I only know how it feels to be in my marriage. I am grateful to Mrs. Lion for making such major changes for me. I don’t care what label anyone wants to put on what we do. It works for us, whatever it is.