Lion will be on the spanking bench for his post-game festivities

According to what I’ve read, the Rams will beat the Bengals. I have mixed feelings about this. In the 70s, I was a Rams fan. I thought it was stupid when they went to St. Louis, but now they’re back where they belong. The nostalgia in me wants them to win. The underdog in me wants the Bengals to win because it’s been such a long time since they’ve won a Super Bowl. It would have been much easier for me if the 49ers had beaten the Rams. I don’t really like the 49ers. Anyway, I think I’ll be rooting for the Rams.

That’s football. Who cares? We’re having our first-ever Spanker Bowl Sunday. Lion will get swats based on the combined score of the game and the number of sacks the Bengals get on the Rams quarterback. The score is predicted to be in the upper 20s to low 30s for each team. The poor Lion butt will get five swats for each point. He’s hoping for a low-scoring game. In the unlikely event, the score is 3-0 with no sacks, Lion will suffer through fifteen swats. That’s hardly worth dragging out the spanking bench. He could wind up with around 300 swats if the score goes as predicted. We haven’t discussed how many swats per sack, but it has to be more than five, right? I think I’ll do seven swats per sack. All swats will be delivered after the game. It makes more sense to do them all at once. Of course, it would save his buns a little if I did them after each score. He’d have time to recover. That’s no fun.

Lion suggested a new rule and clarified an old rule the other day. He said I never said anything about them. I did. I told him I liked the ideas. I did not, however, tell him if we’d be instituting them. My bad. (I hate that saying.) For the record, I will be spanking him if he does not put the coffee pot together by 5 pm, and I will be spanking him if he leaves the shower door open. In the spirit of fair play, I reminded him yesterday that he had 45 minutes before he’d be spanked for the coffee pot. He didn’t rush, but he did get the job done by 5.

Go Rams!

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