Today is Super Bowl Sunday. As long as we’ve been together, Mrs. Lion and I enjoy our Super Bowl rituals. I make a big plate of nachos. We have two kinds of salsa, and of course, our favorite beverages. We sit on the bed, munch, and cheer for our favorite team. This year, as in any year they play, it’s the team playing against the Patriots.
Mrs. Lion announced the rules to our special Super Bowl spanking game:
- I get 4 hard swats for each point the Patriots score.
- I get 2 more gentle swats for each Ram point.
- As usual, each penalty gets me a zap with the shock collar.
- If the Patriots sack the Rams quarterback, I get 2 swats with the pointy side of the paddle.
- If the Patriots intercept the ball, I get 2 swats with the pointy side of the paddle.
It’s easy for me to end up with lots of marks by the end of the game. There’s something exciting about being vulnerable to this sort of abuse. In past games, by the end of the third quarter, my butt is burning and I am actively hoping no one scores.
Nevertheless, it is fun in an odd, perverse way. I think Mrs. Lion likes it too. She never talks about how this makes her feel. Since football move so slowly, administering the spanking doesn’t cause us to miss any of the game. Ironically, the most damage done to my rear has been the result of our football game. Today’s game carries considerable risk for much more punishment. Each Patriot touchdown brings me 28 hard swats with a very heavy, punishing paddle. Even a field goal earns me a dozen. Ironically, the turnover and sacking swats with the pointy and of the paddle don’t hurt much at all. In fact, right from the start I barely feel them.
I don’t understand that. When Mrs. Lion brings those little points down hard on my tender skin, she has drawn a little blood. Or, made little round bruises where each point made contact. I believe that later those injuries leave me painful mementos. The swats with the flat side hurt like hell while I get them and for an hour or so after.
Of course, when the total gets up to 100 or more, there can be a much longer-lasting effect. I’ve had sore spots when I sit for three or four days as a result of Mrs. Lion’s “experiment”. Of course, our experiment sessions involve 300 painful swats. If the Super Bowl ends up with lots of touchdowns, I figure the effect on me will be similar.
All I can say is that I hope the Rams win 3 nothing.