My NFL Football Spanking

This is Mrs. Lion’s tenderizer. It is a very heavy paddle that hurts even with mild swats (which Mrs. Lion doesn’t give). The pointy side is used for turnovers and sacks. They leave my butt covered with little bruises.

The New York Giants played the San Francisco 49’ers Monday night. We both root for the Giants. Until last night, the Giants only won a single game all season.

On Sunday, we played our football spanking game while watching the Seattle Seahawks play. It was a painful experience for more than the players. Actually, it wasn’t too bad for me.

Being a helpful lion, I sent Mrs. Lion an email on Monday suggesting that instead of one swat per point (either team’s points), I get two. That would raise the ante for me. I also suggested that swats for turnovers and sacks be doubled too. Graciously, Mrs. Lion agreed. I figured that we would play again next Sunday. Mrs. Lion had a different plan. She announced we would play on Monday night.

We record games. Because we live on the West Coast, Monday Night Football starts at 5pm local time. That’s too early for us. So, we record the games. We settled in to watch the action at about 8pm. Mrs. Lion had the large tenderizer paddle on the bed next to her. I strapped on my shock collar and we started playing the game.

Lion's football injury
Here is the outcome of Monday night’s game. The tenderizer created little bruises. The flat side did the rest. It’s not painful now. (Click to view larger.)

I won’t go through a play-by-play, but there was a lot of scoring. The Giants won 27 to 23. That meant I got a total of 100 scoring swats. My bottom was burning by the end of the fourth quarter! In addition to the scoring swats, I got a few for sacks and one turnover. Those swats are administered with the pointy side of the tenderizer.

That large paddle managed to bruise me a bit (near my crack). That’s a tribute to Mrs. Lion’s excellent aim. The tenderizer did its work over a larger area of my bottom. By the start of the second half, I was hoping no one would score.

Fourteen hard swats for each touchdown was challenging. I wanted to move away, but I didn’t. The image of me posing with the tenderizer was taken a few days ago. You can see the “before and after” by comparing that one with the image, left.

These marks aren’t terribly serious. They’ll be gone by the weekend. They do show that Mrs. Lion is a tough football player. In punishment or play, when she picks up a paddle, she means business. No more softballs for me. I’m glad and I can’t wait for our next game.

I’m generally not marked after being punished. I don’t think it is because Mrs. Lion is meaner when we play football. I think it’s a combination of two things: The tenderizer is a well-made, heavy spanking paddle. Where the front edge caught the side of my crack, it left a nice bruise. It marked me a bit less severely on other spots. It is an excellent tool. The second reason is that the spanking was delivered in installments. I got a flurry of swats after touchdowns or field goals. I had the time between them to recover. That made it easier for me to stay still for the painful flurries.

Theoretically, a punishment spanking should mark me at least this much. Because the blows are concentrated in a short period of time, the punishment hurts more. Well, it stings more. Maybe this new, heavier paddle mutes some of the sting in favor of longer-lasting thud. This level of marks the next day provides a bar for Mrs. Lion to exceed.

Ironically, the tenderizer’s pointy side doesn’t hurt as much as the smooth one. But it leaves the most marks and hurts more later. The edge of the smooth side creates nice bruising. The combination could leave my bottom with memorable souvenirs of both games and punishments. I hope Mrs. Lion is encouraged by her football prowess.