By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

I went into our basement storage area when I got home from work last night and there was water everywhere. What the hell? After slogging across wet carpet and wading through inch deep water, I saw the general area water was flowing from, but I couldn’t see an actual leak. Lion called the landlord and we waited for him to show up. He finally found the leak but wasn’t able to fix it. We were without water overnight. And we’re waiting for him or a plumber to show up this morning.

Aside from the lack of water in the right places, we now have to deal with the water that’s in the wrong places. I need to see what we’ve lost. There are a lot of boxes down there. Luckily, most of the stuff came from the garage in the old house so maybe it isn’t as susceptible to water damage as more delicate things. Of course, the carpet will have to be replaced. I’m not sure what parts are covered under the landlord’s insurance policy and what parts are covered under our renter’s insurance. I suppose it doesn’t really matter as long as things are covered. There’s just the potential for insurance companies fighting each other which may delay replacement.

I’m also missing work today. Yeah, it’s only half a day, but it’s still money out of my pocket. I’m also missing work on Monday because the kennel will be delivered between 8 am and 8 pm. Remember when the cable company used to say they’d be there sometime between Tuesday and Thursday and you’d have to rearrange your life for them? It seems ridiculous to have a twelve-hour window for delivery.

As you can imagine, Lion is getting more and more upset as time goes by without water. He’s upset about dog toys all over the place. He’s upset that the landlord didn’t show up when he said he would. Everything is coming to a head. I’m just hoping we have water for the weekend. If we don’t, we’ll survive. It won’t be fun but we’ll survive.

By:
In: Punishment

Mrs. Lion received a comment about her post “Not the Damn Fence Again” yesterday. It’s from a commenter who regularly accuses Mrs. Lion of being too violent and unfair in her choice of reasons to punish me. This latest one shows his misunderstanding of why she is punishing me. He is responding to the promise to spank me for arguing about her ideas for a fence:

“That seems really awful and unfair. He should have the right to express his opinion without a fear of being hurt. He is supposed to anticipate what research you have done? This is punishing some one for not being a mind reader. This is what happens when someone gets the unilateral power to inflict physical suffering and answers only to her own conscience. Luckily, he’ll rationalize if and defend you, so you don’t have to give it a second thought.”

Mrs. Lion responded in a comment. I think he brings up a point that needs discussion. He is responding to her, deciding to spank me for arguing with her. He says that I have the right to object and express my opinion. I do. I don’t have the right to make Mrs. Lion feel unappreciated or unqualified to have her idea.

Granted that she is sensitive to feeling unheard. I know this. It’s thoughtless of me to respond in a way that feeds on her feelings. There were a lot of ways I could have discussed this issue without pissing her off. I did what was easy for me instead of considering how I would affect her. This is exactly the sort of situation that I hope she catches and punishes. It has nothing to do with expressing my opinion. It’s about how I went about doing it.

It’s absolutely fair for her to respond with her paddle. She isn’t trying to suppress my opinion. She is helping me learn to be more considerate when I express it.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

I am wrong. My fence idea probably won’t work, back to the drawing board. We’ll figure it out. Maybe we’ll wind up using parts of the fence we already have, even though it’s lower than we’d like. It’s been a long time since I’ve had an intact female dog, and then we lived in the middle of nowhere. I don’t remember to what lengths horny male dogs will go to capture their prey. Are they able to leap 42-inch fences in a single bound?

Now, back to Lion’s responses to me. I hate to do this, but I’m going to use an example from my ex-husband. He’d tell me I always shot down his ideas without offering a different solution. He was wrong. Usually, I’d say something along the lines of thinking that idea wouldn’t work, but maybe we could tweak it and try it another way. At the very least, I’d consider his idea and say I didn’t think it would work, but if we tried, I bet we could come up with something that would.

When I was a supervisor, my boss would tell me that a team member was screwing up and I should say to them. I wouldn’t go up to them and say, “You suck!” as my boss had. I’d chat them up and help with what they were doing and sprinkle in a few “this is how it should look” comments to correct the situation. I’m all about softening the blow. No one wants to hear how much they suck.

All I was looking for from Lion was the same consideration. Rather than saying my idea was ugly or it would cost too much or otherwise dismissing it, he might have offered an alternate idea or asked a few questions to understand better. Which is better? Someone saying, “That’s dumb!” or someone saying, “Hmmm…I don’t know. Show me what you mean.” No. Lion didn’t tell me I was dumb, but the effect was the same.

On one hand, I should be proud of myself for telling him he screwed up. That’s what he’s wanted me to do for a long time. Telling him, he’s going to be spanked is one more step in that process. Then I go and rethink things. I’ve rescinded two punishments now. If the effect is that Lion will soften the blow going forward, then it’s fine if I don’t spank him. However, that seems like it will be a trend. It may already be a trend. How many times have I forgiven him and let him slide without punishment? It’s what I do. I’m inconsistent.

I guess I do suck – at consistency. [Lion — No, you don’t suck at consistency. You are overcoming a lifetime of letting things go. I’m proud of you even if it means I have a sore butt.]

By:
In: Sex

Helen and John have been married for ten years. They live a busy suburban life. Both commute to the city for work. They have two kids in elementary school. They are a typical couple. There isn’t much left for them as a couple between work, commuting, and time with the kids. Most nights, they barely kiss before going to sleep.

Sometimes in the shower, John masturbates. He isn’t hiding it from Helen but would be embarrassed if she discovered him. Helen isn’t all that interested in sex. Once a week, on a weekend night, they make love. It isn’t fancy. John spends a few minutes rubbing Helen’s body. She reciprocates by doing the same to his penis. When he is hard, and she is wet, he mounts her. About half the time, Helen has an orgasm. Neither is very happy with their sex life but not unhappy enough to seek help.

The issue isn’t that they don’t love or desire one another. It’s that sex isn’t that much fun anymore. No one is to blame. Most of us don’t creatively think about sex. Most people think about sex as a “naughty” thing that has to be kept secret. Masturbation has to be hidden. Sex is something everyone does, but most won’t admit to enjoying.

This is the plan

Our secret is easy to duplicate. It involves a few changes that seem difficult at first but pay off in the end.

  1.  The man must give up masturbating. Most men will hate this idea. I certainly did. But if sex is going to be a two-person activity, no cheating is allowed. Any solo sex will destroy this method. Some men want to wear male chastity devices to help them learn not to jerk off. It isn’t necessary, but this first rule is critical.
  2. The woman has to understand that she is his sole sexual outlet. A lot of women don’t realize that men are almost constantly in heat. The reason they masturbate even after marriage is that male biology keeps us wanting sex very frequently. Most women, on the other hand, will lose interest if they don’t have frequent sex.
  3. The above item is critical. When he gives up masturbation, he will feel sexually dependent on his partner. I’m not suggesting that she be constantly available for intercourse. Her job is to spend ten minutes a day working with his sexual desire. She shouldn’t let him get himself off, but she can masturbate him if she wants. She can also tease him and make him wait for his release. This is a very hot game for both partners.
  4. This is the biggest change. The woman decides what sexual activities will happen during those ten minutes. She can take more than ten minutes if she wants, but not less. The only commitment is to spend at least ten minutes doing something sexual every day.

why should you do this?

You are reading this because you want more sexual excitement. Sex is like everything else in life. You need to make time for it, or you won’t do it. Most couples depend on the male need for sex to drive this. Experience proves that this isn’t very reliable. Similarly, letting the man lead this ten-minute program depends on his ability to recognize non-orgasmic needs of his partner. We males associate release with arousal. It’s programmed into us. If every ten-minute session is expected to end with the woman having orgasms, it’s unlikely to last long. Women are better equipped to manage a balanced sexual program.

The most difficult part of this is to make sure that the male does not get himself off. An important lesson he has to learn is that sex does not mean ejaculation. It means closeness and arousal. Often, it will result in his release, but it isn’t required. That is a surprisingly difficult lesson for most men to learn.

It isn’t the woman’s job to get him off every day. It also isn’t her job to delay his orgasms indefinitely—some men like being teased and denied. If your husband is one of them, you can certainly accommodate him in the ten-minute plan. If he isn’t really interested in delaying release, you can help him learn not to expect it every time. You can start with a simple tease every other day. If you want him inside you, no problem, just let him know. If you want him to satisfy you orally, learn to ask him to do it. Remember, he is learning not to expect orgasms in return. Let him satisfy you and then end the session.

The point of this

The ten-minute system isn’t about female domination or sexual control. It’s about making sex 100% shared. All of his releases are delivered by you. He gives you all of yours. He learns that he isn’t ever to get himself off. That is your job and pleasure. The same is true of you. Most women have no problem with that.

That’s it. Ten minutes alone is all you need to make sex as exciting after ten years as it was on your honeymoon. Let me know how you do.