Helen and John have been married for ten years. They live a busy suburban life. Both commute to the city for work. They have two kids in elementary school. They are a typical couple. There isn’t much left for them as a couple between work, commuting, and time with the kids. Most nights, they barely kiss before going to sleep.
Sometimes in the shower, John masturbates. He isn’t hiding it from Helen but would be embarrassed if she discovered him. Helen isn’t all that interested in sex. Once a week, on a weekend night, they make love. It isn’t fancy. John spends a few minutes rubbing Helen’s body. She reciprocates by doing the same to his penis. When he is hard, and she is wet, he mounts her. About half the time, Helen has an orgasm. Neither is very happy with their sex life but not unhappy enough to seek help.
The issue isn’t that they don’t love or desire one another. It’s that sex isn’t that much fun anymore. No one is to blame. Most of us don’t creatively think about sex. Most people think about sex as a “naughty” thing that has to be kept secret. Masturbation has to be hidden. Sex is something everyone does, but most won’t admit to enjoying.
This is the plan
Our secret is easy to duplicate. It involves a few changes that seem difficult at first but pay off in the end.
- The man must give up masturbating. Most men will hate this idea. I certainly did. But if sex is going to be a two-person activity, no cheating is allowed. Any solo sex will destroy this method. Some men want to wear male chastity devices to help them learn not to jerk off. It isn’t necessary, but this first rule is critical.
- The woman has to understand that she is his sole sexual outlet. A lot of women don’t realize that men are almost constantly in heat. The reason they masturbate even after marriage is that male biology keeps us wanting sex very frequently. Most women, on the other hand, will lose interest if they don’t have frequent sex.
- The above item is critical. When he gives up masturbation, he will feel sexually dependent on his partner. I’m not suggesting that she be constantly available for intercourse. Her job is to spend ten minutes a day working with his sexual desire. She shouldn’t let him get himself off, but she can masturbate him if she wants. She can also tease him and make him wait for his release. This is a very hot game for both partners.
- This is the biggest change. The woman decides what sexual activities will happen during those ten minutes. She can take more than ten minutes if she wants, but not less. The only commitment is to spend at least ten minutes doing something sexual every day.
why should you do this?
You are reading this because you want more sexual excitement. Sex is like everything else in life. You need to make time for it, or you won’t do it. Most couples depend on the male need for sex to drive this. Experience proves that this isn’t very reliable. Similarly, letting the man lead this ten-minute program depends on his ability to recognize non-orgasmic needs of his partner. We males associate release with arousal. It’s programmed into us. If every ten-minute session is expected to end with the woman having orgasms, it’s unlikely to last long. Women are better equipped to manage a balanced sexual program.
The most difficult part of this is to make sure that the male does not get himself off. An important lesson he has to learn is that sex does not mean ejaculation. It means closeness and arousal. Often, it will result in his release, but it isn’t required. That is a surprisingly difficult lesson for most men to learn.
It isn’t the woman’s job to get him off every day. It also isn’t her job to delay his orgasms indefinitely—some men like being teased and denied. If your husband is one of them, you can certainly accommodate him in the ten-minute plan. If he isn’t really interested in delaying release, you can help him learn not to expect it every time. You can start with a simple tease every other day. If you want him inside you, no problem, just let him know. If you want him to satisfy you orally, learn to ask him to do it. Remember, he is learning not to expect orgasms in return. Let him satisfy you and then end the session.
The point of this
The ten-minute system isn’t about female domination or sexual control. It’s about making sex 100% shared. All of his releases are delivered by you. He gives you all of yours. He learns that he isn’t ever to get himself off. That is your job and pleasure. The same is true of you. Most women have no problem with that.
That’s it. Ten minutes alone is all you need to make sex as exciting after ten years as it was on your honeymoon. Let me know how you do.