A Different View Of Enforced Male Chastity

Enforced male chastity is almost always initiated by the male. Let’s face it, women just don’t think about locking up a man’s penis. I know that there are many fantasies featuring chastity devices intended to prevent a man from masturbating or cheating with another woman. If a woman has a problem with her partner, especially a sexual one, she’s not going to look to penis bondage as a way to cure it. Wearing a chastity device, is a male kink.

Okay, fair enough. Any guy who’s been locked up for a while knows that the fantasy scenarios just don’t work in the real world. When we started, I told Mrs. Lion about my chastity fantasies. She gamely tried to accommodate me. But they really didn’t make much sense. Why would I have to be blackmailed into giving her oral attention by withholding sexual attention from me? Why would she expect me to help around the house because my penis is in a cage?

Well, that’s what the fantasy says. The bottom line is that there is no real benefit to the woman who locks up her man in a chastity device. We males are the real beneficiaries. We like experiencing sexual control. What about our partners? What effect does this have on them?

It’s true that most couples don’t have the same level of interest in sex. Over the course of a relationship they learn to compensate for these differences. When a chastity device enters the relationship, the wearer is asking his partner to withhold sexual release by keeping him locked up. What about her pleasure? I know, according to the fantasies he can provide her with unlimited oral attention. Chances are very good, that this form of release was available before he was locked up. So, what’s in this for her?

It isn’t more oral sex. At least, I hope it isn’t. It’s probably less sex. One way or another, her sex life is going to change. At the very least, she’s going to spend time thinking about her husband’s captivity. She’s probably going to get him locked and unlocked, teased and denied, and participate in lots of conversations about how he feels living in a chastity device.

Induced premature ejaculation
As far as sex goes, regular intercourse is difficult. Male orgasms occur without warning. I know in my case, I can feel really excited as Mrs. Lion stimulates me. Without any warning I am over the edge and ejaculating. She can see physical signs that let her know I’m on the edge. Very often she’ll know and I won’t. If we’re fucking, her attention will be elsewhere. She’s not going to be able to pull out before I am over the edge.

If I’ve been made to wait any length of time, and my principal form of release is being jerked off, I’m very likely to ejaculate almost immediately after going inside her. There are ways to delay ejaculation. One of the best that I know about, is the cowgirl position. This is when the woman straddles the man who is on his back.

This position is particularly good for most women. She can adjust so that she gets optimum clitoral stimulation and can control the entire process. This is Mrs. Lion’s favorite way to have intercourse with me. I find it very difficult to orgasm when in this position. I believe many men do as well. That doesn’t mean that male orgasm is impossible in the cowgirl position. It just means that stimulation for the man is reduced. Most guys are perfectly happy with this situation.

Nevertheless,it’s very likely that the male is going to ejaculate unexpectedly and much sooner than he did before enforced male chastity. Contrary to the fantasies, the chaste male is likely to become less satisfying as a lover.

Wait times don’t matter
Another big issue is timing. Many guys want to be made to wait for long periods of time between orgasms. This is the big selling point in the chastity fantasies. The woman is supposed to find this exciting. She’s supposed to be very happy getting endless oral attention while he gets more and more frustrated. Really?

I’m not saying that there aren’t some women who absolutely love the additional oral attention the caged male will provide. But based on my reading and personal experience, that’s not the case. Even forcing a wait of a week between ejaculations, will alter the tempo of the couple’s sex life.

Any shadow of spontaneity is eliminated by the chastity device. Conventional vaginal intercourse stops being the norm. In our case, Mrs. Lion teases me manually almost every day. My sexual experience is over 90% hand job. True, almost all of that activity does not result in ejaculation. However, it is sex and after over five years, it’s my norm.

Two thirds of my orgasms are  manual. The remaining third are oral. Mrs. Lion has learned to bring me to the edge orally. However, she rarely does that. The net result of all this is that I’m conditioned to respond to manual stimulation. The timing between start and ejaculation is probably the same as it was for intercourse before enforced chastity. My response time to vaginal intercourse is much shorter. Some men, become premature ejaculators as a result of the chastity experience.

According to the fantasies, the man learns to prevent ejaculation without permission. A lot of guys try very hard to do this, but let’s face it biology is biology. Ejaculation is not really under voluntary control. Certainly, even with guys who were good at this, vaginal intercourse usually provides too great a challenge.

Where this is all leading is that enforced male chastity instead of improving the keyholder’s life, deprives her of desired sexual activity. He’s having fun with frustration and penis bondage. She longs for a nice fuck. Even if he can provide good intercourse. It may be a lot less frequent than she desires.

This is where some important conversations and compromises have to take place. For one thing, long wait times between ejaculations aggravate the problem. A more reasonable amount of time will minimize negative impacts. For example, waiting seven days will make most of us really horny. At the same time, if vaginal intercourse is desired, premature ejaculation is less likely after a week then it is after a month or more.

The key is to balance a satisfactory sex life for the keyholder with the exciting frustration the male feels when his penis is locked. It’s not fair to assume that frequent oral stimulation is a reasonable substitute for intercourse. For many women, it’s not. Regardless, enforced male chastity is about control, not sex. Too many guys become very sexually selfish when locked in a chastity device. All they think about is how they are affected by this abstinence.

There has to be a balance. After all, enforced male chastity is supposed to be about allowing the keyholder to maximize her pleasure. My suggestion, is to encourage your keyholder to not be concerned with your ejaculations. This decision, should not be based on maximizing the caged male’s fun with chastity. That’s really not what this is about.

Instead, he should be released when you, the keyholder, want to make use of his penis. That means that if he ejaculated yesterday and you want his penis inside you today, you should feel completely free to unlock him and ride him for your pleasure. If, on the other hand, you’re not feeling particularly sexual. You can leave him in his cage until you are. It’s that simple.

If he ends up in the cage more than a few days, it makes sense to provide him with maintenance edging. By bringing him to the edge of orgasm a few times and then locking him up again, you keep his libido active and ready for your pleasure.

Male orgasms are irrelevant
The entire point of enforced male chastity is to turn his penis into a tool for your pleasure. It’s not about seeing how long he can go without ejaculating. He may think it is, but it’s not. A lot of guys will be unhappy with this definition of enforced male chastity. That doesn’t matter. If he wants you to lock him up, then he has to play by your rules. The only possible reason to lock a penis in a cage is to assure that it will be exclusively available to the keyholder. The male surrenders any power to decide when he can ejaculate. So, if you want to ride him every day, unlock him and ride him. Lock him up when you’re done. If he ejaculates, so what. His job is to deliver pleasure to you. Whether or not he produces semen is completely beside the point.

Mrs. Lion keeps my chastity completely separate from anything else we do. In other words, orgasms are not rewards. Withholding them is not punishment. Spanking is punishment. Sex stands alone. In the case of enforced chastity, sex for the keyholder is the only requirement. That’s what this is really about.

In my case, Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex for herself. So my chastity experience is something she does for me. The only change is that an orgasm for her is never an issue. However, I only ejaculate when she wants me to. She doesn’t need a reason and I don’t get a vote. My penis belongs to her.

I think that most of us, guys that is, get into enforced chastity because we like the bondage aspect of it. That doesn’t mean our keyholders need to accept our definition. My penis belongs to Mrs. Lion and is her toy. If you ask a woman to lock you up, your penis becomes her property. If you try to control how she plays with it, she is completely within her rights to unlock you, and end your chastity experience.

To be completely clear, enforced chastity has nothing to do with ejaculation. My suggestion is that keyholders pay no attention to them. The only problem with a male ejaculating too soon is that he will lose his erection. Ejaculation is the male’s problem. Of course, we males focus on ejaculation because orgasm accompanies it. But other than being a small mess, it’s irrelevant to our keyholders. That’s not to say my keyholder shouldn’t care about whether or not I come. However, it’s a side issue not the focus of our chastity.

Like it or not, enforced chastity is not about hardware. It’s about control. Sexual ownership of your penis is what it’s all about. Too many women don’t realize this. They buy into the male fantasies. Once that lock clicks shut, fantasy time is over. If she’s horny, she’ll unlock you if she wants to use your penis. She may prefer your mouth in which case the lock stays on.  When  your penis is unlocked and stimulated as part of doing its job to please your keyholder, you may ejaculate. If  you do, fine. If not, that’s fine too. Enforced male chastity is not about semen or male orgasms. It’s about transferring ownership of the penis to  your keyholder.


  1. My Queen most definitely likes penetration!! And by me not some toy. So I need to be able to please her when she wants. I really have no say.

    1. Author

      Good. The big difference I am suggesting is that your orgasm/ejaculation doesn’t matter. Waiting is a male fantasy. Serving her is the only use of your penis that matters. That’s a big change for most of us.

  2. In my experience for the past few years, my ejaculation does matter due to the hormone shift that occurs. If I am denied orgasm and kept in a simmering state of partial arousal I am more attentive and service oriented to my Mistress. After I orgasm, I just want to sleep.
    Recently during intercourse she asked if I wanted to orgasm. It was early on a weekend day and I wanted to be of utmost service to her. I said “No”.
    Wrong answer! She pushed me away from her and said that it was not my choice.
    Immediate end of sex, on with the day.

    1. Author

      My point is that focusing on your “orgasm” emphasizes the wrong thing. Instead, your ejaculation is what you were asked about. If in fact it does change how you feel after you ejaculate, isn’t it up to you to work through the feelings and continue serving her without a change? I think it is unfair to blame your ejaculation for these changes. Work through the feelings.

    2. My sense of this event (with *very* noisy and unreliable data) is that you may have tripped over a stereotypically female desire for you to be uncontrollably crazy for her. I’m sure that you are, but perhaps she interpreted your answer to mean that she wasn’t driving you crazy with lust and desire…

  3. I’ve left this page open in my browser for a couple of days now, because I found it very illuminating (and a bit dismal, from my male standpoint). (As an aside, it’s wonderful to live in a household where I have no worries about leaving a page like this open.)

    Unfortunately, I believe that the first half of your post is probably completely accurate, and for most women in a committed, long-term, more-or-less traditional male/female relationship, enforced male chastity really does nothing for them erotically. The most one can generally hope for is that the excitement it causes the male partner will be sufficiently rewarding to compensate for the one-sidedness and lack of spontaneity. From the outside, this is rather what the Lions’ relationship looks like, and I think it describes my situation fairly well, too.

    However, after a long period of chastity play (at least six years in our case, and I was wearing a device when we got married), it has become, if not a major turn-on for her, at least an accepted norm for us. It’s definitely true that after being locked up for a while, I do cater to my wife more, and I love the feelings that attend that – it’s really sort of the high-school crush experience all over. I think my wife now recognizes that, and appreciates the added attention, as long as it’s genuine and within our habitual norms, and not saccharine fawning, which is a major turn-off for her (and me too – I’m still a strong, independent man, and have no desire to be otherwise).

    The true effect of frequent denial is subtle, but my wife is now starting to accept the benefits to the relationship (not just to her). For example, as in many (most?) relationships, our ideal “frequency” differs; once or twice a day would be fine with me, while a couple of times per week is more her speed. That’s fine, but now she can give me a tease in the morning for a few minutes (there’s no need to remove my Lori device to bring me to full arousal), then we can go on with our day with me horny as hell, but satisfied about the amount of sexual interaction, and with very little effort on her part. Similarly, if she just wants a back rub in the evening, I’m more than happy to give her one, and I get a thrill out of knowing that it will be just for her, and that I should have no expectations for myself. Plus, I truly love making her feel good physically, even if it has nothing to do with sex.

    In short, what enforced chastity means is probably quite different to each of the partners: for me, it’s an intensely erotic experience that never seems to grow old, whereas for her it’s more of a facet of my personality much like wanting to read something (anything – even the cereal box) over breakfast. And that’s OK, because it works well for both of us, and as we age and our hormones decrease (her more than mine, I think), it’s a kink that can work well for a long time, I think.

    1. Author

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment. It’s interesting to learn that your entire marriage has been spent with you locked in a chastity device. I didn’t claim that being locked up doesn’t change man’s behavior. I would expect it to. It does in my case. But I’m not sure that for me, at least, it’s due to the device rather than my beliefs about how it’s supposed to make me change.

      I was trying to suggest that the male chastity experience is very different for our keyholders than it is for us. We would like them to “make use” of the control they supposedly get by locking up our penises. That’s where I disagree with many guys. I don’t believe that many women think there is any benefit derived from locking their partners in a chastity device. As you stated, after six years you believe your wife is starting to enjoy the changes you observe in yourself. After such a long time, it must be satisfying to see that she has some skin in the game as well.

      As you say, you’re doing this because it’s an intensely erotic experience. That’s completely valid. It’s probably sufficient reason to keep your wife holding your key all these years. My point is that the primary, if not the only benefit of a locked penis is the sexual effect it has on the guy wearing the device.

      This creates a little problem for me. I feel selfish. It feels to me that Mrs. Lion is expending a lot of energy to satisfy my kink. This is particularly true in my case, since she has no real interest in sex for herself. Truthfully, even without enforced chastity I would probably feel the same way. All of our sex is directed at exciting or satisfying me. I suppose the chastity device and the activities around orgasm denial add more to her selfless burden.

      Mrs. Lion disagrees. It actually upsets her when I tell her that I feel selfish. That’s one of the reasons I wrote a post. It makes no sense for a male to decide how his partner should react to enforced chastity. Mrs. Lion is willing to take the role of keyholder and disciplining wife, it’s wrong for me to judge her reasons and react as though I’m hurting her. She has her reasons for being such an enthusiastic partner. Instead of feeling guilty I should just feel grateful. I’m working hard to do that.

  4. This is a fantastic explanation of what I believe the chastity experience should be. Thank you for taking the time to articulate this.

  5. I’m impressed by Mr Lion’s point of view. It makes me to understand better my wife’s persistant resilience to active participation in my kink: the cage on my penis.

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