I am sure you’ve read a lot about sex. Our blog is mostly about sexually-based activities. The vast majority of what we write is about male sexual activities, specifically my activities. Aside from the world’s most popular sexual activity, masturbation, the rest requires at least two people.
Same-sex partners have the advantage of knowing exactly what works for each other. Even if they like different things, communication is easy since the context is the same. The difficulties start with male/female sex. We don’t view sex the same way. When I think about it, the reasons for the differences are logical.
If we view sex from the perspective of reproduction, we are programmed to reproduce. Reproduction requires two things: a receptive female and a male to ejaculate inside her. Reproduction is achieved if the female accepts the male’s penis and he ejaculates inside her. The entire value of a male orgasm is ejaculation. We males can’t trigger ejaculation unless our penises are moving into the vagina. We never ejaculate while moving up or out.
Female orgasm isn’t essential to reproduction. It can be critical in terms of becoming available to a male. A male who brings a female to orgasm is much more likely to be welcome again in the future. Female arousal and orgasm follows a linear path. A woman gradually increases her arousal until she has an orgasm. Once achieved, many women can continue having orgasms. A woman can have a very good time without achieving orgasm. A man can’t.
Let me qualify that last sentence/ Men can learn to have fun without ejaculation. Without a consensual process of sexual training, men feel frustrated and unhappy if not allowed to “finish.” We, males, are programmed to ejaculate every time we get aroused. Obviously, we don’t. That’s why masturbation to ejaculation is a nearly universal male activity. Even guys who are in submissive roles masturbate.
Generally speaking, the only way we men can ejaculate is through direct stimulation of our penises. Women have a much wider range of activities that will arouse them and, sometimes, bring them to orgasm. I think this is one of the most important sexual differences between men and women. Back in the 70s, Masters and Johnson suggested that men be trained to get more aroused by non-genital contact. They had couples touch erotically without genital contact. The men found it difficult to stay away from the vaginas. The women didn’t understand why their partners had a hard time getting very turned on without genital contact.
The theory was that if a couple “practiced” regularly, they could expand their sexual vistas. It worked to some extent. The women could learn to orgasm without genital contact. The men got erections but nowhere near ejaculation. The men did learn that sex didn’t have to result in ejaculation.
applying this information
When I thought about it, I realized that teaching men to enjoy non-ejaculative sex was a good thing. I’m very goal-oriented. My view of sex was to make sure that both of us had orgasms. That fits my male worldview. My partners were far less interested in orgasms for themselves. I never understood that. Eventually, I realized that orgasms weren’t quite as important to my partners as they were to me. Sure, they wanted them. They didn’t need them to enjoy sex. Most were far more interested in the overall experience, the kissing, touching, and being close. I thought those things were a necessary appetizer to the main course.
Women can use our male approach to sex as a way to play with us. I think that almost every young woman learns about cock teasing. She knows that she can frustrate a man by arousing him without a happy ending. She also knows that if she pushes her partner too far, he will get upset. If she can keep him just hungry enough, he will follow her around like a puppy.
Thoughtful BDSM makes full use of our need to ejaculate. Most play prevents orgasm while finding ways to arouse the male as close as possible to ejaculation. Ruined orgasms are a way to make him ejaculate without fully experiencing orgasm. Masturbating him with just upward strokes will arouse him without the possibility of ejaculation.
One of the most powerful and humiliating ways for a woman to control a man is to make his ejaculation a “treat” for being a good boy. “Have you been a good boy? Do you deserve to get off?” Removing sexual power is a big turn-on for a lot of men. That’s probably at the root of the desire to be spanked. It’s absolutely the reason men ask to wear a male chastity device.
I think there are two important components to these expressions of sexual control. The first is to treat the activities seriously. Sure, it’s kind of silly to have a man want his penis locked in a male chastity device. He does this because he wants to surrender sexual control. Similarly, wanting to be spanked is a serious request to dominate him in a specific way. He needs the spanking to really hurt. The second component is usually missed. Mrs. Lion almost never uses it.
It’s the verbal expression of sexual control. This is tough for her. If she does it, I’ll hate it. Nevertheless, it’s a big part of the experience. Direct sexual control is the easiest. It just requires a few words now and then, reminding the man that his penis (Mrs. Lion calls mine her “weenie”) belongs to her. Some proprietary fondling doesn’t hurt either. Verbally working with spanking is much harder. Mrs. Lion doesn’t like telling me that I’ve been a bad boy who needs a spanking. She doesn’t like talking to me while she spanks me.
I’m glad she doesn’t. But I know that “scolding” is a key part of spanking punishment. It is the verbal equivalent of the physical beating. From what I’ve read, men hate the scolding more than the spanking. I don’t like the idea at all. That’s probably a good sign that Mrs. Lion should work on it.
Speaking of sex, it’s been 1,787 days since the last time Mrs. Lion let me inside her.