When I think about it, I realize that sex is a very narrow subject that can consume me like burning gasoline. The heat is intense and dies out almost as quickly as it starts. I realize this is nature’s design. When sex is possible, I’m programmed to pursue it to the exclusion of everything else, including my own safety.
Civilization has moderated the all-consuming flame to a more controlled burn inside the furnace of my mind. It’s there nonetheless. The intense heat leaks out in unexpected ways. Why would I want to be spanked? Somewhere deep inside of me, I connect the surrender of allowing myself to be punished with sex. I’m programmed to do anything to convince a female to mate with me. It’s in my genes. We, males, need to convince females we are worthy of mounting them and reproducing.
Birds do it with elaborate mating dances. The males work hard to show prospective mates how worthy they are. Humans do it too. Our mating dance is largely verbal. Yes, we know that females are attracted to physical characteristics. Psychologists report that women consider the sexiest part of a man is his voice. I had a good enough mating dance to entice Mrs. Lion.
This desire to prove ourselves worthy of mating continues after we find a partner. Our mates have to agree to let us mount them. It doesn’t take long to learn that a happy female is much more likely to be receptive. It’s easy to observe this behavior in less sophisticated mammals. Take my favorite critters, lions. The lion has to convince the pride he is worthy of joining. This is accomplished by how he woos them.
In some cases, the lionesses have no say in the matter. A new, younger lion challenges the resident male. If he wins, the old male slinks away, and the new one takes over. That isn’t how it always works. Some prides lose their lions. The first new male that comes along can’t just take over. The females will drive him off. A new lion has to convince the ladies to let him in.
I saw a documentary that illustrated this. The pride drove off lion after lion until one day, a new lion arrived but didn’t directly approach the pride. He just sat and snoozed a safe distance from them. Eventually, a lioness got curious and approached him. He wasn’t aggressive, just friendly. More and more of the females “interviewed” him. Finally, he was invited in. The females always have the final say.
Some men interpret these feelings inside themselves as a signal that they need to submit to female control. It’s a more extreme form of normal male submission. We all submit to our mates when they growl at us. It’s in our genes. Each couple develops ways to express this very normal behavior. Denying it causes stress and can result in divorce.
I am not suggesting that all men should be sexually submissive to their partners. Women like sexually strong men. My point is that at times of stress, when male behavior is becoming unacceptable to his mate, she needs a way to let him know. Nagging and yelling count. However, they frequently create conflict instead of resolution. Each couple has to work out this important kind of communication.
We have developed our own way of managing these situations. It’s a lot more drastic than most people are willing to try. It works for us. At my request, Mrs. Lion spanks me when she decides it’s necessary. It’s our equivalent of a lioness biting the lion in the butt when he goes too far. It may seem weird to most, but we have integrated it into our lives, and it works. Spanking isn’t an expression of Mrs. Lion’s anger. She never spanks me when she’s angry. It’s administered later as a clear indication that what I’ve done is not acceptable.
It is absolutely no fun for me. I may fantasize about being spanked, but the real activity is an ordeal I don’t like. Even the “just because” spankings that are regular events in my life are miserable. I get them because we discovered that we both benefit from them. Maybe one day, Mrs. Lion won’t need to provide these painful reminders. For now, at least, my bottom is blistered once or twice a week to remind me of Mrs. Lion’s ability to make me regret transgressions.
It’s more complicated than that. The “just because” spankings are also catch-all’s for annoying behavior that Mrs. Lion finds difficult to punish. Hopefully, the “just because” spankings will “train” her to use her paddle without going through a process that often results in her stuffing her feelings instead of expressing them.
Our goal is emotional equilibrium. Whatever you may think of domestic discipline, it works for us. We are happy with each other. Mrs. Lion accepts me the way I am. If I cross a line, she lets me know lion style by giving me a sore bottom. If I’m upset with her, I tell her. I can still growl–just not too much or too often.
It is good that human memory is not arranged in the same way as that of a dog. He can remember for a long time what he was guilty of and for what he will be punished. It’s more difficult with dogs. If the dog is guilty, then she must be informed about it immediately, otherwise, after some time she will not understand why she was punished.
This is the question of the analogy between humans and animals 🙂