Happy Accidents

My nickname is “Lion”. I’ve been called that for over 20 years. In some ways it’s very apt. I picked that name when I needed a screen name on a chat service all those years ago. I like lions, so I adopted the identity. It turned out that the name fits and it’s remained attached to me all this time.

Take sex, for example. Wild lions are kings of the jungle, at least when it comes to who eats prey first. The lion, as king of beasts, jealously guards his right to the best bits. Any lioness or cub who dares to challenge this, does so at the peril of their lives.

However, when it comes to a lion’s favorite activity, sex, things are very different. A lioness is only interested in sex when she is in estrus. That’s when she is fertile and ready to breed. Lions, of course, are always in heat. Any attempt to mate with a lioness not in estrus will result in serious injuries for the lion. She is in absolute sexual control.

Lions do it this way
I saw an example of this when I visited the National Zoo with my ex-wife. There was a pair of lions napping under some trees. The lion woke up, clearly in the mood for some sex. He approached the sleeping lioness and licked her back. Apparently this is lion foreplay. She awoke, growled loudly, and went back to sleep. He meekly went back to his tree and continued his nap. My ex looked at me and said, “I wish you were that nice about it.”

In another zoo, there was a small pride of lions: a lion and two lionesses. A similar scene began. The lion awoke from his nap in the mood for some action. When the lionesses saw him approaching, they had a silent conversation. It was apparent that one said to the other, “I had him last time. It’s your turn now.” That lioness walked away. The other got in position to be mounted.

This is a social adaptation of their captivity. It was a way to keep the peace in the pride. This adaptation has never been observed in the wild. Again, even though the lion got what he wanted, the lionesses controlled the situation. They decided he would get sex and who he would get it from. He accepted their choice.

Lionesses are the real bosses
All this goes to the point that in many mammals, the female is in sexual control. Humans are more complicated. In our case, sex brought us together and then pushed us apart. We met through an online dating service. Each of us was looking for a sexual connection. We were at the end of bad relationships. Our first meeting was for sex. It was great. We continued to have trysts a couple of times a week. We gradually got to know one another.

After my partner finally moved out, we would meet at my house and Mrs. Lion would spend the night. It became harder and harder for us to part. While we were busy screwing, we fell in love. That was fifteen years ago. We are just as in love now as we were then.

Over the years, Mrs. Lion’s interest in sex waned. While we didn’t realize it at the time, this drop in her libido made sex something I needed to initiate if I wanted any. She would quietly get angry if I wasn’t sexually aggressive enough. I was uncomfortable making the kind of advances she needed. Gradually, our physical contact became less and less. Touching was emotionally loaded. Did I want sex? Did she think I wanted her to make the advances. It was uncomfortable for both of us. We avoided physical contact.

Every couple of weeks, I would attempt to snuggle with her. She understood this meant I was horny. I was! She would then jerk me off, or on rare occasions, give me a blow job. This was great relief for me, but I felt guilty that I was leaving her out. Sometimes, even less frequently, I would masturbate her or give her oral sex. She would have several strong orgasms. I loved that. Even so, she never indicated she wanted more. My discomfort grew. Between “snuggle” sessions, I would jerk off. I did this two or three times a week. It wasn’t very satisfying but it was relief. I later learned that Mrs. Lion had no idea I was doing that.

Years before I met Mrs. Lion, I accidentally discovered male chastity. I read about it online. At the time, I was writing articles and reviews for a sex site on the web. I decided to see what male chastity was about. Manufacturers made me sample devices. I found the idea very hot and reviewed all sorts of stuff. None of the devices I tested were very comfortable. Some were barely ok for long-term wear. But I didn’t have any reason to stay locked, so I just wore them a few days, wrote my review, and put them away.

Could Chastity Save intimacy for us?
Five years ago, I was surfing the Web and just for fun I typed “Male Chastity” into the search box on amazon.com. To my surprise, there were a large number of devices for sale at fairly low prices. I couldn’t resist. I ordered a couple. I tried them out and it was exciting as hell. More research led me to the mother lode, dhgate.com. There were endless listings for devices at amazingly low prices. All the products came from China and took two or three weeks to arrive. I ordered a few. One was pretty comfortable when I wore it for a few hours.

I decided that it might be a good idea to ask Mrs. Lion to lock me up. I reasoned that if she agreed to put me in the device, she would understand that she controlled if and when I got to ejaculate. Sex, for me at least, would be unambiguous. She, and she alone, would decide when I get to come. She agreed when I asked. In the beginning, she unlocked me every night and jerked me off. It was fun for a few days, but then I wore out. I was getting too much sex!

We talked about it. We actually communicated about sex. We agreed that Mrs. Lion would make me come whenever she wanted. She understood that daily was probably too much on a long-term basis. Between orgasms, she would tease me — bring me to the edge of orgasm and stop — at least every other day. We agreed to keep me locked up for six months. At the end of that time, we would decide whether or not to continue.

After about a month, we noticed that there was a change. We were much more physical with one another. Since Mrs. Lion had agreed to unlock me and tease me at least every other day, we were sexually involved almost every night. It’s true that I didn’t get to ejaculate most nights, but she unlocked me and edged me over and over. After she finished, we would snuggle and enjoy holding one another.

We liked this routine so much, that after only two months we decided to make enforced male chastity permanent. During that time, Mrs. Lion realized that her libido was just not there. She didn’t want sex for herself. That simplified things in one way, but for me at least, it was a loss. Now that touching, even sexually, was no longer connected to all-out orgasm, we were much more physical. Mrs. Lion and I would hug and snuggle the way we did when we first met.

This physicality continues now. Even when I am not locked in a chastity device, I still depend on her for any sexual pleasure. I don’t masturbate. I haven’t in five years. She has produced every orgasm I have had since January 2014. We’ve been writing this blog nearly as long. It chronicles our adventure. When I stumbled on enforced male chastity, it set in motion a rebirth of our relationship. That’s my main contribution to all this. However, another, even more important contribution came from Mrs. Lion.

From the beginning, I’ve been turned on by the various male chastity fantasies. For example, I loved the idea of having to wait to ejaculate until I met some goal. It could be that I get to come after giving Mrs. Lion 50 orgasms. Or, an orgasm would be a reward for doing something. All this boiled down to using my orgasms as a currency to help control me. That concept turns me on to this day. Mrs. Lion flatly refused. She kept my sexual pleasure separate from everything else. Even though I have asked her many times to make me wait longer if I break a rule, she won’t do it.

I think her steadfast refusal to make sex part of anything else is responsible for our success. She accepted control of my sexual pleasure. She wields that control to this day. But she won’t use it to advance other agendas. We now have a Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD). When I break a rule, I am spanked. Even when I’ve been punished, she will still tease me or give me an orgasm the very same night. One thing has nothing to do with the other. That’s brilliant!

Compartmentalizing sex like this keeps the experience pure. Currently sex is for me; I get it as Mrs. Lion wishes. About once a week I get to ejaculate. She can make me wait longer if she wishes. True to her promise, I’m teased almost every night. I no longer associate her masturbating me with orgasms. Most of the time, she will bring me right to the edge and stop. Over 90 percent of my sexual experience is with her hand relentlessly teasing me. I’m not complaining. I love her masturbating me. 60 percent of my orgasms are rendered by her hand. The rest with her mouth. None are with my hand.

I could say that she milks me. It’s a near-daily ritual that I’ve come to expect and enjoy. Since it’s almost always her hand that does it and I passively receive it, milking is an apt description. I like the analogy and love being milked even if I am not allowed to actually provide the milk. Maybe we should refer to her teasing and making me ejaculate as milking. Mrs. Lion could say, “It’s time for your milking.” I consider edging as sex. Ejaculation is never required.

The reason I mention this here is that I think the further we remove sex from any sort of social transaction, the better off we will be. If milking is a routine part of lion care, just like the lionesses in the zoo let their lion mount them, sex won’t color the rest of our lives. Since Mrs. Lion doesn’t want sex for herself, depersonalizing sex for me into milking may, for me at least, reduce my feelings of selfishness at not being able to give Mrs. Lion orgasms.

That’s been an ongoing problem for me. I feel guilty that I’m not giving her the same pleasure she’s providing me. Sex is something I need. Mrs. Lion doesn’t share that need. She and only she has the power to give me relief. It’s not mutual. It’s a service, a chore if you will, that she performs to make me happy. I think that if we openly acknowledge “milking” as a service provided to me; something that I need, like if you will, a cow needs milking, then it will be easier for me to just lay back and enjoy it. Moo!

We’re Changed
The two discoveries, enforced male chastity, and letting sex just be sex and nothing more, have transformed us. Affection is affection. It isn’t a manipulation to get sex. Sex is one of my bodily functions that Mrs. Lion manages. It’s important to me and a lot of fun. But in reality it is just milking that once done can be ignored until the next time. It isn’t emotional currency. It’s just something that I get for a few minutes almost every day. It’s not attached to our physical closeness. We have that no matter what.

There is no sexual guilt. Neither of us has to feel guilty about not satisfying the other. Mrs. Lion controls my sexual release. It’s a routine activity she does almost every day. Sure, the activity adds to my affection for her and, I think, hers for me. But it isn’t the act itself. It’s that she knows it’s something I need and attends to this need in the way she wishes. Every day I look forward to milking time. Every hour of every day I think about how much I love to be with her. The thoughts are not connected. Sex doesn’t control our relationship.