I forgot to set up the coffeepot on Thursday. Friday morning, Mrs. Lion came into the bedroom, and somewhat-gleefully told me that I didn’t set up the coffeepot. She likes catching me breaking rules. The conversation didn’t go further. We both know what that means.
It seems a little strange to me that my only spankable offense in over two weeks is forgetting a chore. If it is, I’ve managed not to piss off my lioness except for the whining-to-wear-a-chastity-device incident. Apparently that didn’t rise to the level of butt burning and instead, earned me 24 extra in-cage hours of no sexual activity.
For the record, I’m not happy about earning a spanking. While I am turned on by the thought of being spanked, I know I will hate being punished. I’m a little bothered by the fact that Mrs. Lion still seems to be having trouble “catching” me annoying her. Since I know that she loves spotting me breaking rules, something must be going on.
We agreed that she would punish me for my smallest behavioral errors. We know that this is necessary for her to establish a disciplinary habit. This nit-picking technique taught her to be a totally consistent disciplinarian when it comes to the concrete, external rules like forgetting to set up the coffeepot. She got to this point by a combination of conscious observation and reminders from me when I realized I did something wrong.
Since the new challenge is somewhat subjective, it’s hard for me to help her. On the other hand, I think she notices infractions but writes them off as not worth the energy to spank me. We talked about this too. I suggested that she needn’t spank me then and there. She could put it off the same way she delays rule-breaking punishment to a more convenient time. She agreed.
I don’t think that’s the challenge she faces. It may have to do with believing she deserves the level of respect that spanking me for annoying her implies. I want her to correct me. I think it will help both of us. I will learn to be more aware of how I affect her. She will have a way to wipe the slate clean. By not letting me know when I annoy her, she has to either stuff the negative feelings or let my behavior feed a negative self-image.
When she stuffs those feelings, eventually they leak out in ways that aren’t good for either of us. On the other hand, by punishing me each time I offend, there is no stuffing of feelings and I get an opportunity to improve. We have a long history that shows spanking me changes my behavior. It may seem odd that I am advocating behavior that will result in me getting punished. It’s the way we started domestic discipline. It was my idea.
While punishment has evolved to a point that I genuinely hate it, the results of our disciplinary relationship are undeniable. We are both happier and when we had to suspend it, we both felt the loss. What may have started out of a fantasy of mine, has evolved into a powerful, positive force for both of us.
Punishing me for upsetting Mrs. Lion is a giant step. I don’t want to minimize it. Mrs. Lion had a hard time learning to spank me severely enough to turn the experience into something I absolutely hate. We both recognize that this is necessary for it to help me change. Any less is more a BDSM experience.
We have definitely reached that point. Mrs. Lion has also learned to feel neutral about hurting me. In earlier days it bothered her to be causing me more pain than I “want”. She had given me many BDSM spankings that made me yelp and bruised me. But she was careful to keep the intensity within what I wanted.
The transition to spankings that don’t take into account whether I am enjoying them was very challenging. Now, she decides when to end a beating. She says she bases her decision on the color of my butt. She completely disregards my screams and complaints. Spanking is real punishment.
I’m confident that it won’t be long before I regret writing posts like this. There will be many days when I will wish I left well enough alone. There will be a lot more when I will be grateful we have this very important channel of communication open.