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In: Oral Sex, Mrs Lion Comments, Orgasm

The more evil things Lion picks from the Box O’Fun now, the fewer there will be in the future. At least that’s what I told him last night when he picked Velcro. I mean, think about it. He doesn’t have to worry about Velcro anymore…unless I use it when it’s my turn to do whatever I want.

When I use Velcro on him, I like to put it on his soft penis. By the time he’s hard, the little teeth are biting into him and when I release it all the blood flows back in. It hurts. A lot. However, when we play, Lion wants me to get him a little interested before I do things. I understand that. He needs a warmup. You don’t run a marathon without stretching. If I get him excited first, the Velcro doesn’t bite in as much. Bummer. I try to compromise by doing things his way sometimes and my way other times. That just seems fair.

Last night, I got him interested first. Of course, he wasn’t all the way interested. My weenie was on his way to hard when I put the Velcro on. There was still room for improvement. I put a second strip just above the first. It’s nice when the first one restricts blood flow and the teeth bite in, but it’s also useful if there’s another strip to bite in on another level. This one can move a little and I can vary pressure so the teeth bite a little or a lot. I even put one just below the head for a short time. This is his favorite spot. Obviously it’s not his favorite spot for Velcro. He just loves to be stroked there. Adding Velcro to that spot and stroking at the same time is definitely not fun for him.

Since he wasn’t soft when I put it on, there was less of a blood rush when I removed the Velcro. It still hurt. There was also a red ring around my weenie proving just how nasty those little teeth are. I got up close and personal to the red ring while I was sucking him. If I was a meaner person, I might have manipulated that spot to keep it hurting.

After a while of sucking, it seemed like Lion was done. However, I didn’t give up quite so easily. In a very short time, he was heading in the right direction. I edged him a few times and, just when he thought I was done, I gave him an orgasm. He didn’t produce much but we haven’t been able to figure out why he does at some times and not at others. I got a little taste and that’s always appreciated.

By:
In: Sex, Lion's Journal

As long as I can remember, I got erections. It felt good but never meant anything to me. My erect penis didn’t have any particular use. When I was nine years old, my friends told me about sex. I understood what to do with that hard penis but no idea what benefit it had for me beyond the idea that it might feel good. My friends were similarly ignorant.

When I was 11, a friend taught me how to jerk off. We had no concept of gay or straight sex. That first orgasm was amazing. I didn’t produce any semen. It felt great. I was hooked. I was incredibly naive. I had no idea that there was such a thing as interactive sex. Believe it or not, it didn’t occur to me that fucking was related to orgasms. I hadn’t seen a naked girl and, in my house, there was no porn.

Nevertheless, at last, I found a fun use for my hard penis. Rub it like a magic lamp and I got a giant blast of pleasure. Sex with my own hand was all I knew until my late teens. I went to a boys boarding school for my high school years. I didn’t date. I worked every summer. Sex with another person had to wait until I entered college.

My first girlfriend was as ignorant as me. We learned together. Unfortunately, her hymen was very thick and I couldn’t penetrate her. We did research and ended up using oral sex as a workaround. It was very satisfactory for both of us. I had bypassed the teen dating years that form many people’s understanding of sex.

Apparently the erection was an indicator that girls used to determine if things were “going too far.” Boys expected that if they got hard, their partner would “do something” about it. Failing to get him off would cause uncomfortable, blue balls. Girls generally believed this. If they didn’t want to do something with their date’s penis they were careful to avoid arousing him to the point of erection.

On the male side, we learned that we can cure an erection by masturbating. If a date didn’t result in ejaculation, jerking off when we got home could take care of it. Obviously it felt way better if the girl did it. We believed that if a girl made us get hard, she should cure the swelling. Apparently, girls bought into this and if they weren’t prepared for heavy petting or more, they restricted interaction to less arousing activities.

This may have made sense in the raging-hormone era of our teens, but it has no value as we age. Many married couples still subscribe to this. The entire concept of “Not tonight. I have a headache.” is based on the idea that if the wife arouses her husband, she has to have sex with him. A hard husband needs to be given an orgasm.

This isn’t true of the women. They have been trained to get sexual satisfaction by arousing their husbands or by masturbating. The men expect their wives to be aroused and give them sex when they are horny. It’s a subtle-but-important difference. Male sexual arousal is easy to detect. Our penises display our arousal. Women have much more subtle signals of heat.

This all boils down to the simple fact that interactive sex must end with male ejaculation. There is no such rule for the woman. Women’s lib has made us more aware of a woman’s needs, but the absolute rule is ejaculation. Female orgasm is a nice addition.

Male chastity (orgasm control) can change this in a very constructive way. When I have a chastity device locked on my penis, I can’t easily get off. The only sex available to me is what I can do for my partner. I’m not talking about the fantasies where the man is a sexual slave. This is just the normal, logical outcome of male frustration when locked in a chastity device.

Over time, both partners stop associating sexual activity with ejaculation. It’s obviously impossible for me to get off if I’m locked up. In our case, at a completely different time, Mrs. Lion would unlock me and get me off. Sex for her wasn’t involved. It was my turn to ejaculate. Similarly, I would be giving her oral sex with my penis in the chastity device. It was her turn.

Our view of sex was changed forever. My erection didn’t demand to be satisfied. Giving her an orgasm didn’t mean I got one. In fact, it never meant I got one. My sex time was separate at her convenience. It had nothing to do with dominance and submission. We learned that sex was better when only one of us was receiving. [Mrs. Lion — Actually, Lion learned this. I still subscribe to the mutual orgasm concept. Except that I don’t really care about sex anymore.]

Imagine how good this would have been in our teen years. Our dates could feel free to jerk us off if they wanted without worry about intercourse. We could ask them if they wanted an orgasm and give them one safely without them worrying about what they had to do for us. It’s amazing how much better sex is when the erection is no longer in charge.

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In: Punishment, Mrs Lion Comments

Lion thinks I should punish him if he annoys me even if it’s irrational. Did he eat the last cookie and I wanted it? Swats! Did he know I wanted it? Should he be a mind reader? If it was just sitting on a plate in the kitchen, up for grabs, and I was just thinking about taking it for myself, he got there first. Part of being an adult is managing disappointment. You can’t throw a tantrum because you don’t get your way. Life isn’t fair. Or maybe it is. Just because you didn’t get your way doesn’t mean life isn’t fair.

When I was younger, my mother always tried to spend the same amount of money on my sister and I for Christmas. This seems fair. But what if I wanted something expensive and my sister didn’t? She could get four presents and I’d only get one. Is that fair? Monetarily, yes. Thrill of opening presents, no. Still, I tried to do the money thing for my kids too. It didn’t always work and I have no idea how they felt about getting two presents versus six. I guess it just made me feel like I was being fair.

The problem with being fair in punishing Lion is that it’s so subjective. This is true of the amount of and harshness of swats, but also in deciding what to punish him for. Some days, I walk in the door after a bad day and I don’t mind if he asks what’s for dinner. Other days, I’m annoyed. How can he tell which day it is? I don’t even know. Last night, it wasn’t a particularly bad day except that the air conditioning wasn’t working in the office. Wearing a mask, and clothes for that matter, in an office with no air conditioning is hot and humid and uncomfortable. When I got home I didn’t want to do anything. Lion didn’t ask about dinner. I finally asked him what I could make without any effort. It turned out, his stomach was bothering him. Egg noodles and peas is our go-to meal for that. Perfect! Almost no effort required.

Today is one of my work-from-home days. I’ve already done a few loads of laundry. I changed the bed. I try to do little chores in between work tasks. I figure it’s the equivalent of chatting with coworkers or running up and down stairs to put mail in the bin or answer a question. However, I also had to track down an $89 error that was eluding me for over an hour. I hate that! Where are you, you stupid error? Now what if Lion asks me about lunch when I’m frustrated about looking for a needle in a haystack? It’s not his fault he wants to eat lunch with me. He has no way of knowing that I’ve been staring at the same numbers for over an hour. The fairness in me says I shouldn’t punish him. Lion appears to disagree. He says if I’m annoyed, I should whomp him.

As a compromise, which is really no compromise if you ask me, I’ve agreed to punish him if he annoys me. Period. Ironically, I’ll probably be the one saying it isn’t fair as I swat his buns.

[Lion — Mrs. Lion is correct that if she was frustrated by a work problem, my asking an innocent question might annoy her because it piled on top of other frustrations I had no way of knowing about punishing me might be unfair. My point is that for the purpose of teaching her to freely spank me for doing things that bother her, it might be a good idea not to worry about being fair. The other side of the coin is that she tends to over-rationalize the causes of annoyance and as a result, I am never punished even when I deserve it. In my post this morning, “Please Don’t Be Fair“, I suggested that we may need “training wheel” punishments to help Mrs. Lion get past her current block. Punishing me for being annoying when I am only a small contributor isn’t more unfair than a harsh spanking for spilling food. It’s just a way to build better disciplinary habits.

By:
In: Lion's Journal

It seems that one of our big hurdles in our disciplinary relationship is fairness. It isn’t that Mrs. Lion is unfair when it comes to punishing me; she’s too fair. I get it. When we raised our kids we worked hard to be consistent and fair disciplinarians. We never punished when angry. We always erred on the side of being too lenient. After all, we have good kids.

When we began our domestic discipline, Mrs. Lion continued following the same disciplinary path as she did with her kids. The result is that she is absolutely consistent at enforcing our explicit behavioral rules and doesn’t punish when she gets annoyed at me. She’s said that it feels wrong to punish me if she is angry. She wants to wait until she is calm before spanking me.

She has also said that she doesn’t punish me when she gets upset when I say something she doesn’t like. Her reasoning is that her anger isn’t really my fault. For example, if she has had a hard day at work and comes home just wanting to unwind and I let her know I am hungry, she gets annoyed. She’s said it is unfair to punish me. I had no way of knowing that she wanted to relax. It would be unfair to spank me.

Of course, she is right. The problem is that this is a slippery slope. I would have to do something pretty egregious for her to feel it was fair to punish me. The net result is that I never get punished for things that annoy her. I’m only spanked for breaking one of my explicit rules. Mrs. Lion agrees that she would like to extend this to things I do that might upset her. Her very refined sense of fairness gets in her way.

I’ve thought about this quite a bit. I’m not the only blogger who is writing about this. In a recent post, “Male Domestic Discipline In Our Marriage“, I quoted Julie, who also wrote about this very subject. She wrote from the perspective of the disciplining wife. She came to the conclusion that it is better to spank her husband if he is annoying her, even though he isn’t the real cause.

She recognized that it was unfair, but felt the opportunity to express her frustration was useful to her and instructive to her husband. I agree. If Mrs. Lion punishes me because I trigger some anger that isn’t purely my fault, she gets to deal with her frustration and I learn to be much more sensitive to how she feels. In this context, the spanking is part of a dialogue. True, it’s a painful dialogue for me, but it serves a very important purpose. Mrs. Lion is learning to let me know how she is feeling, even though those feelings can’t be attributed only to me. If something I say brings those feelings to the surface, or make some worse, she has an absolute right to let me know.

I’m not claiming that any of this is particularly fair to me. That really isn’t the point. Unlike enforcing explicit rules, she is holding me responsible for triggering negative feelings. I understand that I’m not the absolute cause of these feelings, but I contributed to them. I had ways to check out how she was feeling before, for example, I told her I was hungry. I could have done things to make her feel better if I had only bothered to find out she was upset.

One of the important aspects of a successful marriage is that both partners clearly understand their roles in causing each other difficulty. The key is communication. I completely subscribe to this. There is a side effect that gets in the way of domestic discipline. Before resorting to her paddle, Mrs. Lion goes through an analytical process to determine if I am to blame for how she is feeling. Clearly, I can’t have anything to do with the bad day at work. Chances are very good that if she didn’t have a bad day, my informing her that I’m hungry would be treated as information. She most likely would tell me that she could start dinner in a little while.

That’s fair and reasonable. It represents a logical process that attributes emotional responses accurately. The thing is that the next day, Mrs. Lion still felt some of that annoyance. She wrote about it in her post, “Spanking Harder Than Ever“. She clearly remembered how upset she got when I told her I was hungry. It was an unresolved feeling; a negative feeling. She felt it wouldn’t be fair to punish me for annoying her since I had no way to know that she was on edge. That’s when I realized her fairness sensitivity represents the roadblock to expanding her discipline.

This isn’t very different from when we began domestic discipline. Mrs. Lion created rules that had no particular emotional value that I would almost certainly break frequently. They were: getting food on my shirt, eating before she does, and forgetting to remind her of punishment days. They were easy for her to observe and offered her plenty of opportunities to perfect her spanking style.

Here we are several years later. Those three rules are the only ones that she consistently enforces. I think I’ve been spanked twice for interrupting her. One of those times she just added the offense into a spanking I was getting for forgetting a punishment day. It’s perfectly reasonable for me to say that she has had problems getting past those training wheel rules. I haven’t really understood why until now. I’ve been saying unhelpful things like, “Just punish me when I annoy you.” I probably should have been spanked for saying that.

I never considered that her fairness filter would prevent that. I’m proposing that she turn off that filter entirely. I think at this point it would be better if she spanked me because she had a bad day at work without me contributing to her annoyance than it would for her to recognize my contribution was too small to earn me a spanking.

It also makes sense for her to spank me as close to her feeling annoyed as possible. The idea here may be less to train me to be more sensitive then to train her to be more aware of her feelings and expressing them to me. Our experience to date shows that punishing me for breaking a rule does a very good job of eliminating any bad feelings surrounding the act. I’m not going to claim that spanking me will end Mrs. Lion’s annoyance. I think it will be very helpful because she will be clearly communicating it to me. It’s also is a good way to give her permission to let me know when she’s feeling upset.

This is a big deal. Mrs. Lion tends to keep her feelings to herself. Because she does this, I find myself guessing whether or not she’s feeling okay. The feelings she doesn’t express include good ones as well as bad ones. Positive feedback is just as important as negative. I don’t think she’s giving herself permission to freely express her feelings.

To be absolutely clear, I’m asking Mrs. Lion to punish me when she gets those feelings of annoyance. I’m asking her to punish me as soon as she gets them if she can. I’m giving her permission to punish me when she is angry. I’m not a child who needs an exaggerated sense of fairness to help form my personality. I am an adult asking her to express her negative feelings with the paddle and positive ones with a hug and a kiss. I am not asking her to decide whether or not I am the cause of her annoyance. I know that if she does try to analyze it, the paddle will stay in the drawer.