The fantasies are really simple and easy to understand. They boil down to me (the male) obeying a woman (the female – Mrs. Lion). She tells me what to do (generally sexual orders which I like) and I obey.

There are lots of details that need to be filled in, of course. In enforced male chastity, the big detail, at least initially, is locking the male’s penis in the chastity device and refusing to let him ejaculate for some time. Again, there are lots of sexy details the fantasizer can fill in.

To make this fantasy plausible, details are added that are believed to make this transaction more attractive to a female. The most common one is that the male takes his frustration and uses it to supply his keyholder with endless altruistic orgasms. He learns to get his sexual pleasure by pleasing her.

Yeah, it’s a good fantasy. The reality can’t be anything like it. For one thing, even before being locked into a chastity device, he should have been willing to give his perspective keyholder all the sex she wants. There aren’t many women who want to believe that they have to coerce their partners into pleasing them.

If trading sex for chastity isn’t a good motive for a keyholder to do it, the fantasy is left with only one other reasonable possibility: he does it because it’s fun for her to watch him suffer. There are certainly women who would agree for this reason. I don’t think there are that many, but they do exist. As a male I’m not sure I want a partner who has too much fun making me suffer. Life could get pretty unpleasant.

As I discovered, the reality is a good deal more complicated than the fantasy. What a surprise! I’m very lucky that my wife and keyholder is agreeable enough to give things I want to do a try.

Our beginning was very simple. I had purchased some inexpensive, Chinese chastity devices. I tested each one briefly (only an hour or two) and found one that seemed reasonably comfortable. I went to Mrs. Lion and explained my fantasy. She agreed to lock me up and Chinese cage went on again, this time with her having the keys.

After that, there was a lot of trial and error. Initially, Mrs. Lion decided that if she controlled if and when I could ejaculate, she would make me ejaculate every day. This variation on the chastity theme never occurred to me before she said that. We tried it and I found myself exhausted after only a few days.

We talked about the subject again and this time she agreed to make me wait until I was thoroughly frustrated. He also agreed to unlock me for teasing (edging) at least every other day. Most often, I got some daily exercise. That was it. It was no exchanging sex for her or me doing additional housework. Enforced male chastity for us consisted solely of sexual control of me. Now, six years later, that is still the case.

Is the hardware needed?
The fantasy dwells on secure hardware needed to prevent escape. The idea is that if the male can extricate himself, he can masturbate to orgasm. In a way this makes complete sense. The chastity device is a form of bondage. Bondage is designed to restrain the person wearing it and removing any possibility of them escaping.

I admit it; I like bondage. It’s exciting to be restrained. The idea that I’m wearing a device around my penis that I can’t take off, and prevents me from getting erect or ejaculating, is a big turn on. It’s far less exciting to think about being wild (no chastity device on my penis) and restraining myself out of obedience.

In the beginning (the first three years), I lived in a chastity device. I was wild only under supervision of Mrs. Lion. I really liked this. I had to become wild for a while due to some major surgery and the long recovery afterward.

The three years of wearing a chastity device successfully trained me to not masturbate. Let me explain: I never compulsively jerked off. But I did masturbate a couple of times a week before we began enforced male chastity. Mrs. Lion had lost interest in sex some years before that. She did get me off every month or so. I filled in with my hand in between.

She made one very important rule at the time I was first locked up: I was never to jerk off. It turned out that she had no idea I masturbated. Chastity or no chastity, she detests the idea of me getting myself off. He believes that she is the sole person who can make me ejaculate.

I never imagined she would feel this way. Over the first few months of being locked in a chastity device, I explored this issue with her. In her mind, jerking off is just a little bit less serious and having sex with another woman. She believes that as my wife he and only she can get me off. Anything else is cheating.

I’m not sure that I would have been 100% faithful to that if I wasn’t locked in a chastity device. I’ve always considered jerking off be a harmless way to relieve tension. I never even thought about it in the context of it being sex.

I think Mrs. Lion was right. Fidelity should extend to any means that brings me to ejaculate. She never masturbated while we were married, why should I?

When I was wild for months on end during my recovery, it never occurred to me to jerk off. Of course, I was really uncomfortable in the beginning. As the drugs wore off and the pain disappeared, I got some erections and felt the need to get off. My hand strayed between my legs and helped my erection along. I never kept at it enough to even get to the edge of orgasm. I didn’t think about it; I just didn’t do it.

Those three years of wearing a chastity device condition me. I only associate ejaculation with Mrs. Lion providing stimulation. Yes, I can generally get myself hard if I want, but I’ve never even been tempted to go any further.

I think the chastity device is necessary when beginning enforced male chastity. The male needs to be conditioned away from the idea that he can get himself off. If I had read this when we first started, I consider it nonsense. I believed that I would always have the ability and the desire jerk off. I’ve been doing it since I was 11 years old. I imagined that I would do it for the rest of my life. I also believed that the only way to be completely sure I wouldn’t revert, was to keep my penis safely locked away.

Pleasuring myself wasn’t an easy habit to break. It required a 100% consistent approach that made getting myself off nearly impossible. The chastity device did that. During that time I wore a Mature Metal Jail Bird. This custom device, when properly fitted, absolutely does the job.

We both learned something important during those first three years: Consistency, absolute consistency, is required to extinguish such a deeply embedded behavior like masturbation. The combination of chastity device and Mrs. Lion’s determination extinguished my ability to masturbate.

We didn’t intend this as a social experiment. It was simply Mrs. Lion expressing an important requirement and then absolutely enforcing it until it became part of me.

Since that time, we’ve begun a much more comprehensive power exchange. Mrs. Lion uses the knowledge she gained training me to never masturbate to train me in other areas. These other areas oranges simple to control. But the principal needed to train me is the same: To train me she must consistently observe and correct any behavior she wants me to change.

He costs there is no physical way to prevent me from disobeying, she uses punishment as her primary corrective tool. If I disobey or misbehave, I received a series of painful spankings. The number of spankings I get for a given offense depends on how serious Mrs. Lion feels my misbehavior was. It also depends on whether this is a repeat offense or not.

For example, if I spill food on my shirt (I can be a sloppy eater), the penalty is three spankings, delivered one each day for three days. If I repeat that offense within a reasonable amount of time — how much time is completely up to Mrs. Lion — the punishment will be more than three days of spankings. It might be four or five. The idea is that I clearly didn’t learn with only three days of spanking. Therefore I need more time being paddled to correct my behavior.

This method of training me evolved over the last three years of our expanded power exchange. Because I get turned on by being spanked, there was always the risk that a spanking for making a rule would be more fun for me than a punishment. Also, there was no good way to differentiate between minor offenses and more serious ones.

Mrs. Lion tried varying the intensity of spankings based on the seriousness of my offense. That didn’t work. Less severe spankings turn into being more fun for me than punishment. I suggested that all spankings be equally severe and that Mrs. Lion sentence me to a series of spankings, the number of which varied based on the severity and recidivism of my offense.

This works very well. There is no chance I will be having fun for very long if I have to endure the minimum of three spankings for any offense. The first one, even if very painful, could still be interpreted as more BDSM than real punishment. The second and third, administered to an already-sore bottom, would certainly not be exciting on any level. I find myself actively dreading those additional spankings.

I’m not claiming that starting out with enforced male chastity will invariably lead couples to extended power exchanges. For most the chastity device and male frustration are a form of sexual play. There’s nothing wrong with that. Some women are very comfortable with their partners jerking off. They may even allow their male partner to masturbate after being locked up.

What we do is what works for us. I don’t advocate others imitating our methods. If anything you read resonates with you, by all means use our experience to help you perfect your power exchange.


  1. Great article!

    1. Author

      Thanks ?

  2. I agree that male masturbation is like cheating. Not a big cheat, but cheating nonetheless.
    A male need for sex is limited, it’s a fact that males desire is limited, a male sexual desire goes downs with orgasms. The older the male, the longer the time needed for desire to come back.
    That means that if you masturbate you won’t be craving for your wife the same way as if you haven’t masturbated. A husband orgasm should only come from his wife. This has nothing to do with femdom/chastity/flr, only with maintaining sexual arousal in a relationship.

    1. Author

      I agree with you, but a very large number of wives and their husbands believe that male masturbation is harmless and in some cases, a good way to let him get satisfied without “bothering” her. In quite a few male chastity relationships, more often than not, the male gets his orgasm after waiting by his own hand. She will tell him to unlock himself, jerk off, and lock himself up again. We don’t do that. I haven’t gotten myself off in six years.

  3. Looks like your proofreader was on vacation, Lion. Still, I was able to follow along pretty well. Good article, thank you for your observations.

    I definitely enjoy reading your and Mrs. Lion’s writings. You take it out of the fantasy realm and into reality. It is clear that you two are real people in a real relationship, with all the problems and benefits that result.

    Please keep up the writing. It is enlightening.

    1. Author

      My lioness is my proofreader. She was very tired yesterday. I didn’t think we were that unclear though. I’ll try harder to make less typos. You should know that I use voice to text software instead of typing directly. That creates some truly amazing “errors”. We try to catch them, but some get away.

      1. Yes, I remember you saying that you use text to speech software. I have never used it myself, but if it works as well as Google’s voicemail transcription service, I am sure it comes up with some doozies.

        I did not have any trouble following along, so please don’t think I was being critical. Just trying to find some humor.


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