Feminism notwithstanding, men and women are very different when it comes to sex. It’s this difference that makes it so difficult for a lot of women to understand male chastity. Of course, it’s impossible for me to know how women feel about sex since I’m male. So I’ll start with something I know very well.
We males think about sex a lot. We’re programmed that way. Male mammals are always ready to have sex. In most of the animal kingdom, all they need to do is sniff a female in heat, and off they go. Human males retain that evolutionary imperative. Sex is never very far from the top of our minds and other places. Most of us learned to masturbate before we reached high school. I learned when I was 11. Once I discovered how good it feels to ejaculate, I was hooked. From then on, getting off was something I did several times a week.
If a female was available and willing, I had the additional pleasure of sex with a partner. That’s the best! If one wasn’t available, I always had my hand. Even after I was married, I filled in between times I had sex with my wife by masturbating. I don’t think more than two or three days ever passed without ejaculation.
I believe women are different. It’s not that they don’t like sex is much as we do. Apparently, it is just not as important to them. The net result of this is that masturbation is far less interesting to most women than it is to men. I don’t like this generalization because I know several women who love to masturbate and do so far more often than I ever did. That’s not the point. I think the female attitude towards orgasm is fundamentally different than the male’s. I think that we are far more goal-oriented. We want to ejaculate as soon as we can. That’s why many men find it hard to understand why women want so much foreplay.
The point is that the male focus is on finishing. We are programmed to ejaculate. That’s how we contribute to reproduction. A female doesn’t need to have an orgasm to get pregnant. All she has to do is feel receptive to a male and allow him to finish inside her. The female orgasm is gravy. Of course, I’m speaking from the strictly reproductive point of view.
This difference in approach is programmed into us. Free will allows us to improvise and improve our sexual experiences. Modern women want and expect orgasms as a normal part of sex. It may not be necessary for reproduction, but it certainly is an important contributor to her happiness and to the success of her relationship with her mate.
male chastity exploits the difference between men and women
Keeping all of this in mind, when a man decides he’d like to play with male chastity (orgasm control), he is talking about surrendering his ability to arbitrarily decide when he will ejaculate. Since almost all of us, males that is, expect to ejaculate at will, this is a big deal. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, the idea of having to wait to ejaculate until Mrs. Lion decides it’s time, is very hot. This is the essence of male chastity.
She had no idea why this made any sense. She never felt the several-times-a-week urgency to orgasm the way I did. [Mrs. Lion — Never?] But if I thought it would be fun to turn over control to her she was agreeable. Locking me in a chastity device was an amusing indulgence for me. It’s true that I probably would have resisted the urge to masturbate if I wasn’t wearing a chastity device. But in the beginning, I might have jerked off in a moment of weakness. After all, it was a habit decades-old.
Wearing a chastity device made it virtually impossible for me to jerk off. Sure, I could have pulled out of the device and masturbated. But that would have been considerably more, shall we say, intentional than casually reaching down and playing with my penis. The chastity device for me was the same as Nicorette gum is for a smoker. The smoker can still have a cigarette, but the gum takes away some of the desire. The chastity device made access to my penis considerably more difficult. It deterred me.
Most people play with chastity over relatively short periods of time. The device may stay on for a weekend, a week, or even longer. It will come off and sex will resume as usual. This includes casual masturbation. That’s not what we did. Once we found a chastity device I could wear long term with comfort, I remained in it full time except for when Mrs. Lion would tease me or, if I was lucky, jerk me off. It was just too difficult for me to masturbate.
That’s a good thing. Mrs. Lion absolutely hates the idea of me masturbating. Before I asked her to lock me up, I had no idea she had strong feelings on the subject. I was a little embarrassed to admit that I did it. But I didn’t expect such a strong reaction. She told me that she had no idea that I jerked off. She let me know that she hated the idea. In that respect, she liked the idea of locking my penis in a chastity device. However, I don’t think she felt that I needed it once she told me she wanted me to stop masturbating.
self-control isn’t enough
She had a lot more faith in me than I had in myself. I thought that if I got very horny and I wasn’t locked up, I probably would have cheated now and then. As it was, I couldn’t cheat. I stayed locked up this way for over three years. The device had to come off for a few months when I got shoulder surgery. Between the pain of recovery, and the fact that I had broken the masturbation habit, I was in no danger of getting myself off. Now that we’ve been doing this seven years, it doesn’t matter if I’m locked up or not. I’ve completely forgotten how to get myself off. That may sound strange, but it’s true. I just don’t want to masturbate anymore. I’ve been trained.
the last time i jerked off was 7 years ago
In fact, since December 2013 I haven’t had an orgasm that wasn’t produced for me by Mrs. Lion. She has never allowed me to masturbate even under her supervision. She is the only source of my sexual pleasure. That is how it should be. While she doesn’t consider it as serious as having sex with another woman, getting myself off is cheating as far as she is concerned. Since she is in charge of when I get sexual release, I’ve learned to accept teasing as long as she would like to do it and I wait for ejaculation until she thinks I should get off.
She has accepted my suggestions. Maybe she accepts too many. I can ask her for an orgasm and she will quite often agree to give me one. I think that’s changing now. She is less interested in my input. I know that a lot of guys would find that disturbing to think about. I believe a lot more would find it fun. This is all possible without the hardware. I think it’s more fun for me if I’m locked into a chastity device. I recognize that nothing changes if I’m allowed to be wild.
Practicing male chastity requires a fundamental change in the sexual dynamic. With most couples, the male initiates sex. Sometimes, perhaps often, the female rejects the advances, but he makes them. It’s rare that she starts things. I know Mrs. Lion would have preferred me to be the initiator. I was never good at it. I think it all comes down to a very deep-seated fear of rejection. At least that’s how it feels to me.
With male chastity, I can’t initiate. I’m physically unable to have sex without Mrs. Lion taking action. I suppose she could train me to ask for sex. If she did that, I couldn’t even have a possibility of ejaculation unless I asked. The thing is, I would hear an awful lot of no’s. She doesn’t like to say no. I certainly don’t like to hear it. It’s not so bad if she teases me and I am panting to ejaculate when she says, “Not tonight.” That’s part of the game. I suppose being trained to ask could also be part of the game if she wanted.
Even now, after all these years, I am still a little amazed that I am turned on thinking about being prevented from getting what I want. It may be that by feeling aroused when my mate says, “No,” to ejaculation, I am being set up to be obedient to my mate. The same thing is true of spanking. Mrs. Lion punishes me with disciplinary spankings. They are painful and I don’t like them a bit. Yet, I get aroused thinking about her spanking me.
It’s that arousal I feel thinking about things that aren’t pleasant, that drives me to accept them. I get turned on thinking about Mrs. Lion denying me orgasms. It may be 20 days since the last time she let me have one and I am desperate, but I still get turned on thinking that she is going to say no and make me wait longer. Perverse, huh? Since I like bondage, wearing a chastity device has the double turn-on of being restrained and being prevented from ejaculating. A true double whammy!
When I think about it, at least for us, male chastity has brought us closer. Sex, or the lack of it, isn’t an emotional barrier or weapon in our family. It’s something that’s under the conscious control of my mate. It’s that simple. It’s fun for me, and I hope for her as well. Sure, I get to ejaculate a lot less often than I did before we started. I’m much happier.
Hear this post as a podcast