Over the years, my views of enforced male chastity have, shall we say, matured. I’m not sure that’s a fair way to characterize them. The simple fact is that there is no proper way to practice this. This is in sharp contrast to other BDSM practices. I know, you may not consider enforced male chastity to be part of BDSM. Since it involves penis bondage, and bondage is part of BDSM, the practice reasonably can fall into the same category.
A lot of the activities in BDSM require skill. It’s true that most of the toys can be used without any formal training. However, if they are going to be used with any intensity, training is important to prevent injury. Safety is the number one priority in any activity that can hurt another person (or yourself).
Wearing a chastity device isn’t particularly dangerous. If it’s incorrectly sized it can cause irritation and even cause edema of the penis. But if the wearer lets his body tell him when something’s wrong, the device can come off and no real damage is done. I have a few pages on this sIte that may be helpful in getting a correctly-sized device. I suggest you explore the menu for these options.
In BDSM it’s very rare to find people who get hurt. Most practitioners are very careful about going too far. What happens more frequently is that people abandon the practice because it doesn’t work for them. This is the same issue with enforced male chastity. Very often, if the people had good information and some simple training, they may have discovered that they gave something up they might actually enjoy.
Based on what I’ve seen, a lot of men when exposed to the idea of wearing a chastity device, get aroused. There’s something very sexy about penis bondage. Many are turned off by the idea that they lose control of their ability to ejaculate. For some reason, a lot of people have the idea that enforced male chastity is an all-or-nothing kink. They believe that once a device is locked on their sexual pleasure is no longer considered by the keyholder.
The mythology supports this concept. The reality couldn’t be further from this. Think about another practice: spanking. A very large percentage of adults fantasize about spanking and being spanked. The people who do the spanking don’t just beat their partners into a black and blue pulp. They spend a lot of time making sure that the person getting the spanking is happy with the intensity. Even punishment spankings are limited by the ability of the punished person to handle the pain.
There’s a very good reason for this: If you want a person to come back for more, he needs to leave as a satisfied customer. This is true of absolutely everything along the BDSM spectrum. All activities are consensual. Tops honor the limits of bottoms. Yet, for some reason, guys think that these concepts don’t apply to enforced male chastity. Despite all the silly pictures of beautiful half naked women supposedly saying that now they’ve got you locked up you’ll never get out again, it’s absolute nonsense.
As in everything else in BDSM, the bottom controls how far things go. When it comes to enforced male chastity, I like the idea of being forced to get very horny and frustrated. If I ever get to the point that I’m genuinely unhappy about my enforced abstinence, I know that Mrs. Lion will provide me with enjoyable release. A lot of the excitement about power exchanges comes from imagining the complete surrender of control. It’s never true that the surrender is complete. No matter how seriously you take it, it’s a game played by two. It stops being fun for the top if the bottom is genuinely unhappy.
I suspect that a lot of prospective keyholders are scared off by the extreme rhetoric that their partners use when they explain how they want things to work. That’s interesting. If this was a complete power exchange, why in the world would the bottom be explaining to the top how it works? Too bad that a lot of potential keyholders don’t think about the fact that they, not the locked males, call the shots.
I understand that once things get going, it’s important for a lot of guys to imagine that they’ve lost all their power. The problem with something that is supposed to go on 24/7 is that there are no opportunities to emerge from the scene and review what’s happened. In a more classic BDSM scene, when it’s over and both people have come back to earth, they can discuss what happened, make suggestions, and plan for the next time they do it.
I think it’s important for a couple practicing enforced male chastity to take the same sort of breaks. I’m not suggesting that the chastity device has to come off and that the female authority disappeasr. I am suggesting a nice weekend brunch where both people talk is equals. Yes, his penis may still be in a cage, but he has the opportunity to talk about what’s working and what’s not. She has an opportunity to explain what’s turning her on and what’s turning her off.
Many times the bottom is causing more trouble than the top. Nothing is more difficult to manage than the expectations of a bottom who wants things the top just can’t provide. That’s why these sit downs are so important. They represent an ongoing negotiation that provides the ability for things to evolve.
Mrs. Lion and I have these conversations. We also use our writing here in the blog as a way of communicating what’s working and not working for us. We take each other’s comments very seriously. I often ask for things that make no sense to her. If you go back and read my posts you can find many examples. You can also find a lot of times where she’s either agreed to give something a try, or just denied me out of hand.
The point is that we are communicating. We don’t allow ourselves to live in our individual fantasy worlds. We make sure that we talk about what works and what doesn’t work. Some couples will write a chastity contract. This is a document they both sign that spells out exactly how the enforced chastity will work. The best contracts include review dates and an expiration date. The review dates allow modification of the contract to conform with new things the couple has learned. The expiration date ends the enforced chastity. On or before that date, if they want things to continue, a new contract has to be written or the old one extended.
When we started out, Mrs. Lion and I had an agreement with a specific end date six months after we started. Mrs. Lion was sure we wouldn’t even get to the six months. I wanted to be sure we did. I wanted us to have enough time to make mistakes and fix them. To both of our surprise, after three months we decided we wanted to make it permanent. What we were doing added a lot to our marriage.
Now, nearly 6 years later we’re still at it. What we do is a lot different. Things keep evolving for us. What hasn’t changed is the power exchange. Mrs. Lion retains absolute control over any sex I experience. She has some other additional power now. We are both very happy with how things are working.