By:
In: Lion's Journal, Female led relationship with discipline

Generally, I avoid debates over terminology. But there is one term that confuses me, FLR or Female Led Relationship. That may seem odd since Mrs. Lion and I are in one. Let me explain.

A FLR is most broadly a relationship between a man and woman where the woman is in charge. Fair enough. Is that what Mrs. Lion and I have? It depends. In my mind, a female led relationship is one where the man surrenders all decision making to his partner, who happens in this case, to be a woman. All decision making?

Does that mean he has his job deposit his salary into her bank account? Does she give him an allowance? Does she pay the bills and make all purchasing decisions? Or, does it mean that she makes rules for him to follow and punishes him if he doesn’t. Does she control their sex life? Oh, wait! Isn’t that enforced male chastity?

In our case, I pay the bills and manage my bank account. Mrs. Lion manages hers. We collaborate on life decisions. We both do household chores. From the domestic side, we have a solid, working partnership. Yet, we believe we have a female led relationship.

Mrs. Lion has absolute control over my sex life. She and she alone decides if and when I will get release. When she wants me to ejaculate, she does the work to make it happen. She makes behavioral rules for me and punishes me if I break them. In the past, her role would be defined as dominatrix. It’s true that we don’t have “scenes” in the BDSM sense in terms of my obedience. I’m always accountable and subject to punishment. We do have them when we play.

I suspect that many, if not most, people in FLR’s are similar to us. It seems to me that FLR may be a new, more palatable label for female domination. Don’t get me wrong, I do see that FLR is much broader than a femdom scene. That doesn’t mean it’s not virtually the same thing.

It’s no accident that enforced male chastity and FLR’s are largely instigated by men. We fantasize about them and may ask our partners to take them on. As I wrote the other day (post is here), enforced male chastity is more about increased sexual attention for the man than anything else. FLR is similar.

In our FLR(D) (ours includes physical punishment), Mrs. Lion is much more aware of my behavior than she was before we started. The reason I wanted to start was to assure that she had a loud voice in our relationship. I don’t need her to prevent me from straying or doing stupid things. I need her to help us grow. I know that if she actively enforces my attention to her wants and needs, nothing will fester under the surface. At least, that’s been my theory.

In practice, so far it’s been more BDSM. That’s not surprising. Rules like waiting to eat until Mrs. Lion starts or not spilling food on my shirt, have no emotional risk attached. They could be part of a scene. My punishments always feature spanking, another BDSM activity. It’s taken a long time for the actual punishments to be truly disciplinary and not “play”. That’s not to say that I haven’t felt Mrs. Lion’s displeasure. I have. But it took time for her to be comfortable hurting me enough to teach me a lesson.

Does this mean that our FLR is more an extended scene than an actual change in our relationship? No, I don’t think so. Like anything that lasts, we had to begin with baby steps. It was a big change for us to introduce punishment in our marriage. It’s a giant change for Mrs. Lion to feel justified in punishing me for doing things she doesn’t like. Let’s face it, she isn’t wounded if I eat first or get salsa on my shirt. She is upset if I interrupt her or make her feel I know more than her. When she punishes me for those behaviors, our FLR will move from the playroom to real life.

That hasn’t happened yet. There’s no guarantee it ever will. Is what we are doing now leading a FLR or is it female domination? You could argue this ether way. That’s not my point. Would we have been as successful if we called enforced male chastity and FLR, female domination? Could it be that FLR and enforced male chastity are both more politically correct ways of referring to femdom?

I think that it’s fair to say that Mrs. Lion is dominating me in the BDSM sense. We both know that. It’s also fair to say that we take things in a different direction than classic BDSM scenes. Our intention is to improve specific, well-understood areas of our marriage through FLR and enforced male chastity.

We’re poised on the edge of making our FLR more meaningful. Yes, we will continue with the rules that earn me spankings. We both get value from them. I think I will begin to feel it when I displease Mrs. Lion with thoughtless behavior. Calling me out and punishing me for interrupting her or disregarding her thoughts or feelings is very difficult for her. She knows I submissively accept punishment for our agreed-upon rules. I think she is worried I won’t be so docile if there is emotional investment in her enforcement.

I’m sure that it will be difficult for us both in the beginning. I’m committed to seeing us succeed. Even when we’ve taken this step, isn’t FLR still a lifestyle sort of female domination? It may be, but I think the terminology is important in this case. Femdom is about sexual domination and submission. It exists for itself. There need not be any redeeming value in the practice. It’s consensual sexual fun. FLR’s, at least ours, has many of the same elements as the BDSM femdom scenes, but underlying the activities is a sincere desire to use these femdom things as tools to bring us closer and improve our love and communication. That’s what FLR means to us.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Lion finally admitted enforced chastity is all about getting attention for him (His post is here). He wasn’t hiding that fact. It’s just that I’ve known it for a long time. It really has nothing to do with giving me power. Sure, I decided when he was unlocked in the beginning. I still decide when he is edged and if he’ll have an orgasm. But it’s not about me at all.

From time to time, he’s felt bad about being selfish. If it’s true it’s all about him, then isn’t he being selfish? I don’t think so. For a long time I haven’t wanted sex for myself. There’s absolutely no reason Lion shouldn’t have sex. Since neither one of us wants him to find another woman, I’m it.

So what do I get out of it? Well, I already had a loving husband who I tended to ignore sexually so I didn’t gain a loving husband. I gained a happier husband. Yes, he was happy before enforced chastity and FLRD, but you have to admit having sex (if you want it) improves things. And I do like doing things for him, and to him. Mostly I like being close.

Why is it such a big deal for Lion to admit it’s all for him? I win! I mean, have you ever said something and had a person disagree with you and then it turned out what you said is true? Vindication! And the best part is that Lion didn’t lose in the process. There’s no rubbing his face in it or saying, “Nanner, nanner, nanner.” Of course, I’m sort of doing that here but it’s all in fun.

Maybe now Lion can stop being worried about being selfish. Maybe he can stop worrying he should be doing more for me. He’s already doing everything for me just by being mine. That’s not to say I’d mind if he did breakfast on the weekends from time to time again, but it’s not necessary. We’re good.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

There’s quite a bit in common between enforced male chastity and modern prison management. I read an article about American supermax prisons. Aside from being unspeakably cruel, they use an odd variant on rewards for good behavior to control the inmates. When someone first goes in, he has no privileges: no TV, mail, reading material, etc. Over time, if he behaves well, he gets these back.

The theory is simple. Remove any vestage of comfort and then make the inmate slowly earn them back. The key is the ability to closely control everything in his life. Things you might take for granted become hard-to-earn rewards. This concept bears a striking resemblance to enforced male chastity.

In most cases, the foolish male (me, for example) asks his partner to lock him in a chastity device that prevents erection and ejaculation. She has the key and complete control over any sexual expression, from the slightest hint of an erection to an all-out orgasm. What starts as a sexual game can easily morph into serious control.

The mythology is that once his penis is locked up, he will become increasingly desperate for release. This desperation will turn him into a sexual slave to his keyholder. The analogy with a supermax inmate fits this scenario perfectly. Happily, in my opinion, the reality is very different.

Erections and orgasms are extremely pleasant. I love them. How much would I do to earn them? If getting off is the only motivation I have, my keyholder would have very little leverage. In reality, my life isn’t even slightly controlled by the need to ejaculate. Sure, given the opportunity, I will happily take it. But there are so many qualifications to that statement, getting off turns out to be pretty minor in terms of ruling my life.

Let’s say I’m a free-range male. There is no agreement to surrender sexual control to my lioness. I’m still restrained from freely expressing myself sexually. If a sexy, available woman crosses my path, I may want to mount her but I won’t. I’m faithful to my mate. There’s no chastity contract involved, just the much more solid contract of our marriage. In fact, as a free-range male living inside a monogamous relationship, my only extra-curricular sexual outlet is masturbation.

If I’m locked in a chastity device, I lose that outlet. I also lose the ability to get hard. Assuming I am monogamous, the only real privilege I’ve lost is the ability to jerk off. I don’t know about you, but I’m not willing to trade cleaning the house for a handjob. I’m being facetious. But you get the idea.

The reality of enforced chastity isn’t the lack of male sex, it’s increased opportunities to express it. Think about it. Before we began enforced male chastity, I got sexual attention from Mrs. Lion once or twice a month. Sure, I was able to jerk off. But I had almost no interactive sexual fun. Given that I had no interest in finding another female for sex, my sexual landscape was a desert.

At one point, the light bulb turned on in my head. I realized that if Mrs. Lion agreed to lock me in a chastity device, she would have to interact with me sexually more often. My concept of enforced male chastity was that I would be unlocked regularly and teased to the edge of orgasm and then locked up again. I reasoned that this would keep me interested in getting release and would add fun sexual tension to our relationship. Also, Mrs. Lion would be touching my penis more than a couple of times a month!

In my mind, at least, the point of enforced chastity was increased sexual activity. I knew that actual orgasms would be few and far between, but my lioness would be touching me sexually on an almost-daily basis. That felt like a win to me. The only thing I lost in that deal was the ability to jerk off. I was pretty tired of that anyway.

It turned out that my idea worked. We both have fun and a lot more physical intimacy. I learned that Mrs. Lion had no idea that I masturbated. I also found out that she hates the idea of me doing it. That surprises me, but I get it.

I was locked up 24/7 for years. At least five times a week Mrs. Lion would unlock my penis and tease me. Every week or so she would make me ejaculate. This continues to this day. It’s an almost-daily activity to edge me over and over. I get a lot of sex. I don’t necessarily get to ejaculate too often, but often enough.

I don’t masturbate. Even when I’m free range, I don’t do it. The last time I jerked off was five years ago while Mrs. Lion watched.  Every orgasm since this has been produced with her hand or mouth. That’s the way it is. A chastity device isn’t necessary to enforce this. I’m conditioned not to jerk off. I don’t even think about doing it.

I started this post writing about how prisoners are conditioned to be docile and obedient. I admit that I did that to get your attention. Enforced male chastity has no resemblance to that. In fact, the opposite is the case. Enforced male chastity, it turns out, is an excellent way to focus the keyholder on the caged male’s penis. Managing his access to sexual expression requires the keyholder to devote considerable attention to controlling the use of his sex organ.

Most guys don’t ask their partners to lock them up as part of a Machiavellian scheme to get her to pay more attention to their cocks. We’re not that smart. I found the idea of enforced male chastity to be sexually exciting. It bothered me that the reality was supposedly less sex and I get aroused thinking of being locked up. Deep in my lizard brain I must have realized the truth: that locking up my cock requires my keyholder to pay attention to it. And that, after all, is what every male wants.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Reviews, Spanking
one cheek sized paddle
One-cheek sized paddle. This heavy paddle is 3/4″ thick and made from very heavy Chenchn hardwood.

Our new  paddle arrived Wednesday. It was just in time for the “play” spanking I was owed. As you can see this is a “one cheek” paddle measuring only 12-inches long, including a 5-inch handle. The face is 3-1/2 inches wide. It’s an ideal size for over-the-knee spanking. Like the other paddles from this craftsman, it’s made from 3/4-inch-thick chechen wood. It’s very dense and heavy.

I picked one with small holes drilled into it. Supposedly, the holes prevent an air cushion from forming between the paddle face and my bottom. This is untrue. There is no significant change in the air resistance of the paddle with such a small amount of its surface area perforated. Nevertheless, I like the way this paddle looks with the small holes.

This paddle is a great addition to our collection. Most of our paddles, are longer. Mrs. Lion prefers spanking standing over me as I lie flat on the bed. Occasionally, she will sit on the bed next to me for a play spanking. The new paddle is a perfect size for that.

On Wednesday night, she used this paddle while standing over me. I think she had to bend a bit in order to hit the right spot. As you can see, the paddle’s face is just the right size to cover one of my cheeks. This allows her much more accurate placement of each swat.

I couldn’t feel the holes in the paddle at all. I’m very sure that the solid version of this model would feel precisely the same. Since it was a play spanking, Mrs. Lion used a lot less force than she does when she punishes me or when we play our football spanking game. I suspect that with more energy this paddle could get me yelping in no time.

Mrs. Lion tried using the edge of the paddle as well as its face. The edge had a nice thuddy feel. At the force she was using, she didn’t leave any marks. Used more enthusiastically, I’m sure she would leave significant bruises.

lion's butt paddled with paddle tramp
This little paddle is very painful. It’s thick oak. Mrs. Lion uses it to punish me in the kitchen.

While compact, I think this paddle is too big to fit in her purse. It’s certainly too heavy. In some ways, it’s a more refined version of our kitchen spanking paddle (see image left). That’s also a three-quarter inch, hardwood spanker. It’s sharp edges add sting the new paddle doesn’t have.

I’m very happy with products made by this craftsman. They’re beautiful, wonderfully finished, and surprisingly effective. Best of all, they are fairly priced.