We Aren’t That Simple

Most of what I write and read about our little corner of the sexual world is about specific things. Things like orgasms, chastity hardware, punishments, erections, and male reactions to them. All are artifacts relating to sexual control.

Most people, male and female, go through life experiencing sex without consciously considering anything more than finding satisfaction. Masturbation, for example, is for many the simplest and ultimately most satisfying form of sex. It’s reliable, fun, and uses imagination to drive desire and satisfaction.

Masturbation control is the most frequent reason that guys give for wanting to start wearing chastity devices. There’s a problem with that claim. It suggests that the guy is unable to control himself and needs hardware to stop.  If that’s really true, much more than a chastity device is required. The devices we wear aren’t exactly bank vaults. This reason just doesn’t hold water.

I’ve been thinking about what;’s really going on. It isn’t a need for external sexual control to stop a porn or masturbation problem. It isn’t some generic male problem with sexual control. I’ve read way too much about the idea that I’m unable to control my sexual needs. There are endless rationalizations around that idea. What’s odd to me is that so many men agree with it.

There must be a deeper reason. I think that at the most basic level, we want attention. Enforced chastity is a manifestation of the need for sexual attention. That was true in my case. It’s ironic that orgasm control, which results in less sex is the ultimate cure for this. If I look at the base need for most of the BDSM activity I like, as well as the permanent relationship changes we have made, it comes down to reassurance of love and care.

Withholding my sexual release requires involvement with me and attention to my sexual state and needs. If you lock my genitals in a cage, you take some responsibility. You can’t just lock my cock and forget about me. You could, but you won’t.

All of the agreements we have relate to this most basic need for love and attention. The fact that I want this doesn’t imply that Mrs. Lion doesn’t love me or give me attention. She always has. It has everything to do with me. I’ve managed to identify the buttons that need pushing for me to feel secure and loved. In my case, they happen to include sexual control and behavioral discipline.

Interestingly, I don’t need either. I don’t have many bad habits that annoy my lioness. I’m a responsible member of my community. Masturbation was never really a problem. I did it a couple of times a week when I wasn’t getting sex. I didn’t ask Mrs. Lion to lock me up or establish our FLA because I needed behavioral correction. I strongly doubt the vast majority of men who want this sort of relationship establish it because of behavioral problems. Their reasons, like mine, are deeply rooted in their psyches.

It gets on my nerves when bloggers promote the myths that men need orgasm control in order to stay attracted to their wives. Or, that they have a porn addiction that drives them to masturbate. We are not simple people. We are driven by many subtle, deep-rooted needs. The greatest expression of trust and mutual love is when these needs are expressed and then our partners accept and try to fill them.

Mrs. Lion is that kind of partner. I’m very lucky.



  1. Author

    I masturbated far more frequently than you. Still it rarely had any negative impact. Rarely! ( a couple of times the opportunity for sex came surprisingly just after I’d masturbated and I was unable to respond adequately). I have never tried to get out of the cage—honestly I don’t think I can without a great deal of pain and discomfort! Other than that I agree wholeheartedly with your post. I’m a very lucky fellow too!

    1. Author

      Since we generally do the chastity device shopping, not our partners, security is something we think about. No matter how easy it is to escape, why would we want to escape something we asked to wear?

      1. Author

        True enough. But honestly I wouldn’t want to try to escape—I think it would hurt an awful lot. Could be wrong though as I’ve never tried.

  2. Author

    I do think that masturbation can be a ‘wake up call’ for many middle-age, married men. They find that it has become the predominant part of their sex life, and is likely to remain so for the rest of their lives, and they realize they need to make a change to reconnect with their wives. Consequently, they become interested in orgasm control, chastity, FLR and domestic discipline. (at least, that was me…)

    1. Author

      That sounds like the root cause was realization how sex had disappeared. That was my wake up call too.

  3. Author

    Exactly how we came in to this. She had been dealing with years of cancer treatment and I masturbated all the time. She had list all interest for years due to treatment and porn filled my need. We decided we had to make a change. I talked with her about my actions and felt I could have brought her around sooner had I spent that attention on her. …. Best thing we could have done. The cage and her power brought us closer than ever. I respect what it had done so much I would never try to escape it….. We both are getting the attention we craved.

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