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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments

Last night I gave Lion his swats. A while afterwards he asked what he had done to deserve the swats. He should always know why he’s being punished. I didn’t realize he forgot about the swats I never gave him before his trip. I owed him for spilling food on his shirt. In the past I’ve asked him to tell me why he was being punished. This reinforces the fact that he had a hand in his own fate. It also brings that past act to the present so he connects the two. Clearly I don’t always do that. I should have.

I’ve been trying to do better at asking Lion to do things for me. Things I can do for myself, but if he’s in the area he can do. For example, I was cooking and I needed a lid for a pot. Sure I can do my trick with the tongs to reach it, but Lion was right beside me and he’s taller. At the end of the night, as we were getting ready for bed, I was already hunkered down and he was walking around. I asked if he could close the front door since the dog came back in and could he take something to the kitchen. Yes, I could have done it, and in the past I might have and then Lion would have said that he could have done it while he was up. I’m not used to his being helpful. Not that he’s never helpful. I mean, my ex was not helpful at all. If I did ask him for something, he rarely did it. I’m just used to doing things myself and that annoys Lion. He wants to help. He feels bad if he doesn’t help. Even after eleven years of marriage, this seems foreign to me.

I guess it’s just one more indication that I haven’t really embraced female led relationship as much as I can. I should be asking Lion to do things. I shouldn’t feel like I’m taking advantage of him. It’s not like I’m asking him to paint the house by himself. I just need a glass of water or the garbage needs to be emptied. We share the chores around the house. Sometimes I get him a glass of water and I take out the garbage. It depends on who is closer to the task or who isn’t busy at the moment.

I guess most people wouldn’t consider this teamwork as a true female led relationship. Maybe it isn’t. But asking Lion to do things for me is a big step. I wouldn’t be doing it if we weren’t doing FLR.

By:
In: Lion's Journal

When I have time, I like to read about enforced chastity and female led relationships. I try to restrict my reading to sites that at least claim to be real-life experiences. I’ve learned that many, if not most of the so-called real experiences are rehashes of sexual fantasies. We also get comments and emails here that fit the same pattern.

The question I keep asking myself is, why do people bother claiming this stuff is real? Is there some special thrill about asserting the fantasy is real life? I can understand that by repeating these stories, the writer might (unlikely) get credibility and acceptance from other guys. It just seems so pointless to me.

Mrs. Lion continue to learn that building a lasting FLR takes years to establish. We are in our third year of enforced chastity/FLR and we are nowhere near feeling that we have made all the changes necessary to say we are comfortably settled in.

Maybe the reason all the trolls pretending to practice enforced chastity and FLR bother me so much is that their stories sound so hot and ours not so much. Our day-to-day reality is about integrating our new lifestyle. It takes thought and conversation to keep things working. Mrs. Lion has to consciously remind herself to enforce rules and her wishes. I have to remember to help her if things start to slip. It’s work; not a hot, jerk-off fantasy.

I’m not saying that it isn’t worth the effort. We both feel that we are doing the right thing. We find a lot of value completely outside the sexual heat these practices produce. Our relationship has improved as a result of our efforts. If you are just starting out, don’t expect instant success. It takes time.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Lion and I are still tired, but I think that’s a normal state of being for us. Lion should be well rested. He had his orgasm last night. A nice, slow blow job with me stopping when he got close just to hear him whimper. It was also to make him wonder if he was really going to get one. He was a very horny boy. And now he’s not.

He reminded me this morning that it’s punishment day. I told him I had some swats I’ve been saving for him. It’s about time he got them. He thinks I don’t spank him because he doesn’t want to get spanked. Nope. If it’s a punishment, it’s usually me who decides not to do it. Either I’ve forgotten and by the time I remember it’s too late at night to do it, or I just don’t feel like swatting him. Maybe I’m tired or sore. Maybe I’m waiting until he does something else so I can give him more swats all at once.

The only time I don’t spank him because he doesn’t want to get spanked is for a play spanking. I delayed over the weekend to give him a chance to recover from his trip. While both kinds of spankings may be for Lion’s benefit, a play spanking should happen when he wants it. It may still hurt, but mostly it’s fun for him. I’m not particularly concerned with whether or not he wants a punishment spanking. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time, as they used to say in the 70s or 80s.

Tonight, aside from the punishment swats, I think will be a snuggle night. He’s usually not very horny the day after an orgasm. He only has to wait until Saturday for his next maybe date. I think he can survive no edging tonight. If I don’t want to edge him, he has to survive without it.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Punishment

The classic way to trap a wild lion is to provide irresistible bait, like a nice selection of meat, and then when he starts to munch, drop a net over him. In my life, as well as many other guys, there is at least one lion trap that catches those of us who want to follow a female led relationship. The best example of this is spanking.

When I think about being spanked, my mind drifts to sexy scenes where my pants are pulled down exposing my hard penis. I am put into position and receive a paddling, my hard cock pressing into the spanker’s lap. Fantasies about this sort of thing usually fall into a couple of broad categories. One is the classic mother-in-law story. This one usually starts with the guy meeting his fiance’s mother. At some point he is rude or disrespectful. The mother-in-law-to-be then administers a severe spanking to him in front of her daughter. When it ends, either the mother or daughter informs him that spankings like that are his future.

It’s a hot story. It has all the classic elements: humiliation, pain, and the promise of a lifetime filled with more of the same. There are variations on this theme, but the elements of humiliation and pain are always present. Few, if any, female led relationships are initiated by the wife. Males tend to start this ball rolling. The same is true of enforced chastity. I won’t go into a long discourse on why this happens; I’ve written about that before. One very good reason this happens is that FLR and enforced chastity are consensual activities. When I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up and become my disciplining wife, I gave he explicit permission to take control and discipline me as she sees fit.

I not only asked her, I helped her learn how to do it. Unlike the fantasies, she wasn’t prepared to just take charge and whomp away with her paddles. She needed to learn what to do and understand the value of doing it. Very few women when asked to be disciplinary wives just smile and instantly adopt domestic discipline. It takes a lot of time and work to accept the role. Just accepting the fact that she is expected to punish her husband is a very large step for many.

After a year and a half of FLR with domestic discipline, we are just beginners. We’re both good at enforced chastity. Both of us are comfortable with Mrs. Lion having sexual control. But domestic discipline isn’t natural yet. We’re both too ready to just “skip” spankings when I break a rule. Mrs. Lion is concerned that I am not “in the mood” to be spanked. She’s right, sometimes I just don’t want it at all. But that’s not what domestic discipline is about. It’s not what I want her to do to me. It’s what I must learn to do if I don’t want a hot, stinging bottom. We still don’t accept that my interest in being punished is completely beside the point. The paddle doesn’t care. Mrs. Lion still has to learn she shouldn’t either.

I was led into this arrangement by romanticized thoughts of domestic discipline. Mrs. Lion accepted it to “make me happy.” We continue it even after the fantasies are long forgotten because, like enforced chastity, this lifestyle makes our marriage better. Sooner or later we will learn that punishment is not interested in my mood. If I don’t want to be punished, I have to obey Mrs. Lion. Her role is more difficult. No matter how much I don’t want that earned punishment, she has to go ahead and provide the education I earned.