Last night I gave Lion his swats. A while afterwards he asked what he had done to deserve the swats. He should always know why he’s being punished. I didn’t realize he forgot about the swats I never gave him before his trip. I owed him for spilling food on his shirt. In the past I’ve asked him to tell me why he was being punished. This reinforces the fact that he had a hand in his own fate. It also brings that past act to the present so he connects the two. Clearly I don’t always do that. I should have.

I’ve been trying to do better at asking Lion to do things for me. Things I can do for myself, but if he’s in the area he can do. For example, I was cooking and I needed a lid for a pot. Sure I can do my trick with the tongs to reach it, but Lion was right beside me and he’s taller. At the end of the night, as we were getting ready for bed, I was already hunkered down and he was walking around. I asked if he could close the front door since the dog came back in and could he take something to the kitchen. Yes, I could have done it, and in the past I might have and then Lion would have said that he could have done it while he was up. I’m not used to his being helpful. Not that he’s never helpful. I mean, my ex was not helpful at all. If I did ask him for something, he rarely did it. I’m just used to doing things myself and that annoys Lion. He wants to help. He feels bad if he doesn’t help. Even after eleven years of marriage, this seems foreign to me.

I guess it’s just one more indication that I haven’t really embraced female led relationship as much as I can. I should be asking Lion to do things. I shouldn’t feel like I’m taking advantage of him. It’s not like I’m asking him to paint the house by himself. I just need a glass of water or the garbage needs to be emptied. We share the chores around the house. Sometimes I get him a glass of water and I take out the garbage. It depends on who is closer to the task or who isn’t busy at the moment.

I guess most people wouldn’t consider this teamwork as a true female led relationship. Maybe it isn’t. But asking Lion to do things for me is a big step. I wouldn’t be doing it if we weren’t doing FLR.

1 Comment

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    I just posted a comment to the “It takes time” post regarding the same issues. My wife is very independent and finds it strange to ask me to get up and go get her a glass of water. She is becoming more comfortable doing so as she knows that I enjoy being of service to her. She certainly does not mind leaving me in the kitchen to clean up after dinner while she watches TV. Sometimes she intentionally leaves a mess in the house or yard for me to pick up so I can serve her. That is not natural for her now, but is becoming more so.

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