By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

Lion is sick. I don’t really think he has the flu. He’s coughing and stuffy. It’s probably a cold. And I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat. It may be a slow weekend for us play-wise.

Lion’s horniness did win out over his cough last night. I put clothespins on his boobies and edged him quite a few times. It certainly took his mind off his cough. He grumbled mildly about having to wait until the 11th for a chance at an orgasm. He grumbled that it would be a long time. I reminded him about his bonus orgasm. It’s really not that long. He’s waited longer.

When I looked at my calendar, I realized that 1.0 had been very generous in assigning orgasm dates. He was scheduled for five in March and four in April. Varying lengths but it averages out to once a week. Very generous indeed. 2.0 will have to go through and adjust things a bit. 2.0 still likes to give Lion orgasms, but she’s less of a pushover than 1.0 was.

At the risk of beating a dead horse, so to speak, I’d like to revisit, yet again, the topic of Lion’s topping from the bottom and our version of FLR, which is really all it is, our version. A few people have expressed their opinions lately. If Lion comes across as arrogant it may be because he has so much experience in the community as a top. He gave lectures and taught classes. He does know what he’s talking about. That said, does that mean he never tops from the bottom? Oh hell no. He’s gotten better about it. And I’ve gotten better at dealing with it. The situation last weekend was less about topping from the bottom and more about his being out of sorts and not being into playing. Should he have sucked it up and taken whatever I did to him? To what end? Playing is for him. If he’s not enjoying it, why are we doing it? Yes, I know he doesn’t necessarily enjoy it while it’s happening, but if he is in any sort of distress, we shouldn’t be playing. I’m defining distress as emotional or physical issues that make playing at that moment no fun. And guess who gets to decide if those issues are valid reasons for not playing. Yup. Me. I’m the one with the paddles. I’m the one with the key. I’m the one who has the final say on playing. I hope this puts the subject to rest. At least for a while.

I would lay out some sort of plan for tonight, but I’m not sure either of us will feel like playing. It’s one of those times when you just want to snuggle in bed with a bowl of soup or stew and stay as warm as possible. Good thing there’s homemade soup in the freezer.

By:
In: Femdom, Lion's Journal, Sex

There’s been a bit of lion poking in our comments. Normally, I just disregard attacks from unknown people. Sometimes I growl a bit. I try to keep the defensiveness down, but at times I just need to express myself. It’s good for my blood pressure. So far, Mrs. Lion is good with an occasional growl as long as I don’t growl at her.

Some people have a near-religious belief in the sanctity of the use of submissive and dominants as nouns. Apparently, to them, you are either a dominant or a submissive. The problem with that is it simply isn’t true. Both words are adjectives, not nouns. I am me. I may be dominant sometimes and submissive others. That is true of all of us. I behave submissively with Mrs. Lion. Well, I don’t always behave submissively with her. Sometimes my excursions into equality or dominant behavior need correction. She is extremely good at providing it.

The point is that I am not submissive with anyone else. I don’t have my nickname (lion) because I am a shrinking violet. I am the principal contributor to a site devoted to domination. But I’m not a dominant or submissive. I am a person, or around here, a lion. I am a male. I am a blogger. But I am not a submissive or a dominant. No one is. Absolutely everyone, even people who identify as being submissive all the time, really aren’t. They have jobs where they lead. They feel no need to obey any stranger who wants to boss them around. They submit to people they choose.

Since the earliest days of the Internet there have been people whose experience with power exchange is purely online. These people began creating and believing labels that are inaccurate. The most egregious are “dom” and “sub” as nouns. These words, at best, refer to roles that people sometimes have. But the people themselves are far more complex.

So, to set the record straight once again, I am submissive to Mrs. Lion who is my keyholder and my disciplining wife; no one else. I think this is true of most of the guys doing enforced chastity and FLR. I don’t know anyone who is submissive to everybody, or for that matter, dominant to everyone. I thought I was done with this “debate” decades ago. Apparently not. Many people are very imprecise with their use of language. I think that precision in this case is very important. ‘Nuff said.

On a completely different subject, Mrs. Lion and I discussed her post published yesterday. In it, she talked about the next time I might have an orgasm. My last one was a bonus on February 25. She wrote that the earliest I might get my next one would be March 11; a wait of fifteen days. She mentioned that wasn’t all that long and is only a week from today. We looked at how many I have had this year so far: nine. That comes out to about one  a week. She noted that seemed excessive. 2.0 is clearly not impressed by such ejaculate frequency. Her birthday is next week and we are going out on March 11. That means she will probably be tired and full and disinclined to get me off on the 11th.

In my mind, I heard 2.0 say, “You know, it’s only another two weeks until the end of the month. Why don’t we have a semen-free March?” That was in my imagination. I groaned when I thought of it. If she waits until April 1st, I would have waited 36 days. A record for me. 2.0 is capable of anything. Based on her response last night, she will avoid weekly frequency. Will it be fortnightly, or <gasp> monthly? I  suppose it could be less than 12 a year. Who knows what 2.0 will do? I don’t think she does.

The problem for me is that there is no way for me to prepare for the worst. It’s not like my libido will retire to a back room until I finally get to squirt. 2.0 makes a point of nearly-nightly edging that assures the hormones keep flowing and my hopes keep rising, only to be dashed when she says, “Not tonight.”

By:
In: Edging, Mrs Lion Comments

My Lion is back on the prowl. Not that he’s wild. He’s just ready for play. I knew he would be. Sometimes he just needs a little break.

I reminded him he’s eligible for orgasm at any time now that it’s past the 29th. Since he hasn’t been horny, and he had a bonus orgasm not too long ago, I think he’ll be waiting a while. His next scheduled date is March 5 and the one after that is March 11. Apparently I was very generous when I made the schedule and I never changed it to reflect 2.0’s new concept that the scheduled date represents the earliest possibility Lion will have an orgasm. At this point I think he should wait till the 11th. It’s really not that far off. I know he can make it.

Last night I edged Lion but we didn’t do any sensation play. I figured since it was the first time he’s been horny in a few days, I’d take it easy on him. Not that I really took it easy on him. I edged him a bunch of times. He was ready. But no. It was not to be.

Tonight we’ll try some sensation play. Velcro? Clothespins? Perhaps. 2.0 has a lot of weapons in her arsenal. I really should go through the bags and cabinets and drag out some old stuff. Maybe this weekend. I’m not sure what I’ll find. We probably have things I’ve never seen before. Poor Lion.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

There’s been quite a stir over a comment accusing me of topping from the bottom. I think that this term is one of the most misunderstood in the entire BDSM lexicon. Topping from the bottom refers to the bottom (submissive) in a BDSM scene manipulating the top to do what they want instead of what the top might choose to do without this “help”.  For example, if Mrs. Lion is spanking me and I suggest, “You should really be hitting lower.” I’m topping from the bottom. There are more subtle examples, but you get the idea.

Things like FLR and enforced chastity are much more extensive power exchanges than a scene or BDSM weekend. They are lifestyle power exchanges. When I’ve done workshops on long term power exchanges, I’ve found that “topping from the bottom” is often invoked when the bottom expresses any preference to the top. That’s dead wrong. In a relationship there has to be give and take; even in a master/slave arrangement. Even our dog gives us feedback that is often not topping from the bottom. Sometimes, however, that’s exactly what she is doing.

If you want to understand topping from the bottom in terms of FLR and enforced chastity, consider that the “bottom” (caged male, disciplined husband, etc.) has surrendered control  of some areas of his life to his keyholder/disciplining wife/head of household. He is still a functioning man who can be a powerful leader everywhere except home. He can be a father who is admired and obeyed by his children. He can handle the family finances. He can negotiate purchases for the family. None of that of course, is topping from the bottom.

I know that a lot of guys fantasize that when they are in a power exchange like this that they are micro managed and told to do every single thing. What woman would want a man like that? Not my lioness. Not even 2.0 — especially not 2.0. She wants a strong man who is self sufficient, mature, and able to provide support and love. She wants to know how I feel about things. You can tell we have enforced chastity. There’s something locked on my penis that betrays that power exchange. So, how can you tell we have a FLR?

Chances are that you can’t. Our public behavior is pretty much the same as other couples. Yes, I do ask Mrs. Lion for her opinions and sometimes she asks me to do things. Neither betrays that my question is a request for her decision, or that her request is an order. If you see me spill food or fail to follow her “request” you won’t know that I will be painfully spanked for my infraction. If I tell her that she “should” do something. You may see her expression darken for a second, but you won’t know that I just topped from the bottom and earned a spanking.

There it is. My definition of topping from the bottom in a lifestyle power exchange: attempting to direct my lioness. It’s permissible for me to ask her to do things. I can tell her when I am not in the mood for some planned activity. I can suggest alternatives to a choice she has made. That’s input for her to consider. But I can’t tell her that we shouldn’t play tonight because my stomach hurts. I can’t tell her we should eat at this or that restaurant. But I can ask and she can refuse.

Being allowed to express myself and let her know what I do and don’t like isn’t topping from the bottom; it’s just information for her. Doing too much of it will annoy her and earn me punishment; not for expressing my opinion, but for too much too often. See the difference? It doesn’t take too many spankings for me to learn just how much Mrs. Lion wants from me. The other day when I was in the sling and things weren’t working, letting her know that I wasn’t into it wasn’t topping from the bottom; not at all. it was just data for her to use in any way she wished. There have been times she just smiled when I said that and kept going, and others, like last weekend when she decided to stop. She’s the boss after all.