Sometimes I feel like I am one more chore for Mrs. Lion to do. It’s a bit difficult to say this correctly. Mrs. Lion keeps me locked up and provides regular teasing because she knows it is something I want. Enforced chastity has done a lot for us as a couple, but the specific sexual activities are for my sole benefit. Mrs. Lion never sighs heavily as she takes out the key to my cage for a teasing session, but I get a strong impression that I am a chore that interrupts what she would rather be doing.

Maybe this is unavoidable in a situation where my lioness has no interest in sex for herself, but it makes me feel that I am a lot of trouble for her. Between my allergies and the cleaning they require and the teasing and orgasms for me, I am a lot of bother. My fantasies lately are about earning teasing and orgasm; doing things in exchange for stimulation. Usually they are sexual things. I wonder about why this is my favorite topic. I think the reason is that I am feeling guilty about just “taking” pleasure. I also find the idea hot in its own right.

I’ve always been indirect when asking if we are going to play. It just doesn’t feel right to demand attention when I am not providing any. One of the reasons I thought that enforced chastity would be especially good for us was that by putting all choice in Mrs. Lion’s hands, I wouldn’t feel guilty about wanting something I can’t reciprocate. I still feel guilty, but I think we are doing something that helps our marriage.

I can now understand why I avoided asking for sex before enforced chastity. It made me feel selfish. I just couldn’t initiate in a way Mrs. Lion liked. It was never her fault. It’s mine. Somewhere along the line I lost some of my sexual self-confidence. Ironically, it is returning now. I find myself easily able to ask Mrs. Lion if we can play. I also ask her if I can do something for her. For now, the answer to that last question is a very tentative “maybe”.

The problem is that we both feel guilty. Mrs. Lion feels that her lack of interest is responsible for me feeling badly and I feel that sex for me is another chore; cheerfully done, but just work for her. None of this touches directly on enforced chastity, but the practice forces this issue front and center. If we stopped enforced chastity today, the problem would still be there but we could more easily push it into the background. We agree we don’t want to do that.

This is a situation where nobody is doing anything wrong. We are so focused on each other that we are getting in our own way. I think that we need to talk more about this and look for ways we can overcome this. We are both doing the right thing. We should feel good about it, not guilty.



  1. Author

    Hi, Lion. Thanks for your (as always) clear and considered writing about this. My wife and I have the same thing going on, but perhaps we haven’t advanced as much as y’all (Southern contraction used because English doesn’t provide a handy second person plural).

    I’m not locked right now, but I am a lot of the time. I often feel like it’s a chore for her, or that I’m letting her down by asking for it, because she associates it with my submissiveness, but our relationship was originally founded as a “traditional” male-dom one. Like you, I’m emphatically not a submissive person, but I do find enforced chastity incredibly hot. When we had “the talk” a few years ago, it was a tremendous hurdle for her, but she eventually realized that I wasn’t going to degenerate into a simpering sissy, and still have be the strong and masculine person she originally fell in love with.

    Chastity has significantly increased our communications – which were very good by vanilla standards before. Also, she has more interest in sex for herself than Mrs. Lion apparently does, but still not enough to initiate sexual play for herself. Therefore, it’s up to me to do so, but I often feel selfish, or at least shy, in doing so, even if my planned activity is for her benefit. For example, this morning I was thinking that I’d really like to go down on her, which she very reliably enjoys, but still had trouble smoothly veering the conversation that way. Eventually, I fell back asleep :-

    When I’m locked, I do feel like the situation is better, somehow. During those times, she will inevitably subject me to a good teasing session at least once a day. I believe this is still a (minor) chore for her, but she assures me that it’s “no problem” and fun. (It’s also easy, because the Lori #5 I wear doesn’t need to be removed for her to be able to get me flapping around like a landed tuna; she can give me a devastating tease in just a few minutes.) Conversely, when I do something for her (generally oral, but sometime I tie her up and flog her, and/or work her over with the Hitachi), I’m more than happy to take all the time in the world. I love every minute of it, but it makes things seem more balanced to me that I’m actively making her happy, while she can passively relax and enjoy it.

    Beyond my self-centered ramblings, I did have a point to make: Thanks for this latest article; it has inspired me to be more direct and re-initiate the dramatic increase in communications we had when I first brought up chastity (you know – just man up!). And thanks as always for your continued writings – I read them every day, and even if I don’t find them directly applicable, I still enjoy them, and your facility with writing in general.


    1. Author

      Thank you for your great description of your situation. Of course I love to hear you like reading my writing. That’s a great gift. I am glad you mentioned that you will top your wife on occasion as a normal part of your sex life. I think that one of the most misunderstood aspects of enforced chastity is that it doesn’t automatically mean that a locked male is submissive. It’s clear you aren’t. Even when I was a 24/7 master, I was occasionally topped by my submissive and other friends. Since I’ve been with Mrs. Lion, I do all the bottoming and it’s fine with both of us.

      My first experiments with chastity devices was with Lori’s early products. I had a frenum piercing so they could lock on. The weight on my piercing stopped me from wearing them for more than a day. I’m curious about how you find your newer Lori device. Thanks again for your great comment!

  2. Author

    This is a great post with some terrific insights. I find the last paragraph to be very concise where you say that you are getting in each other’s way in an attempt to please the other.
    I also struggle with not being a pest or chore to my wife, knowing that I am thinking about sex 85% of the time. This leaves me feeling very unsure about what I should be doing. Should I be initiating or wait until she is “ready”? If I don’t initiate, will she ever slow down for a moment to initiate?
    I find the thought of being locked to be very exciting, but I don’t think she would want me to be since she likes to have easy access to me when she does get around to it.
    Ah yes, and communication. Since I “manned up” and spoke up about my desires to submit and for her to control my sex, we have had some great communication, but there is so much more that needs to be said and I feel like she just does not want to talk about these things as it would encourage my actions. What a chore!
    Thanks to you Lion and Mark for taking the time to share your significant thoughts on these issues. Well done!

  3. Author

    @mrbill: I very much understand your feelings (about having a lot of thoughts to share, and perceiving even the sharing/communicating as being a chore for your wife); I have the same internal battles – and it seems a similar libido, especially when I haven’t had an orgasm in a while (like a day or less!).

    The only way I’ve been able to handle this, which seems to be approximately OK, is just to consciously meter the amount of time I bring the subject up. It wouldn’t be fair to me – and therefore to us – for me to ignore it completely until my wife brings it up, because it’s too powerful a part of what I want from our sexuality; I doubt that I’d get resentful, because we’re too crazy in love for me to even imagine that, but I would get disappointed after a while.

    It turns out that, over the years (really!), this seems to have worked. My wife is now completely comfortable with this part of our sexuality, and will occasionally (never often enough – there’s your 85%!) choose to lock me up when I’m not expecting it. More often, I’ll make some oblique reference to it, which will remind her about it, and out will come the key on the chain.

    It’s sometimes difficult for me to understand how she could not think of chastity or other sexual activities more often, until I deliberately consider the radically different wiring for sex between men and women. I’m sure she can’t comprehend how often I (or most guys) think about sex in all its forms. That mythical “every seven seconds” may not be that far from reality, at least some of the time.

    1. Author

      One very useful benefit from being locked up pretty much all the time is that it reduces my expectation of sexual satisfaction. Perhaps more importantly Mrs. lion is reminded of my dependence on her for sex. She also agreed to very frequent, almost daily, teasing. Wearing the chastity device all the time actually improves sexual activity. Why not stay locked up? It works for us.

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