In my wanderings around the Web I noticed a phenomenon that seemed very odd: Many men who have been practicing enforced chastity for years seem to be indifferent to having orgasms. It’s not unusual for long term practitioners to wait a year or more between orgasms. A decent percentage say they don’t care if they ever have another.  A second group who have been doing it for a few years say that they don’t like orgasms. They claim that they get depressed after one and are happy avoiding them. This puzzled me. I’ve always loved to come. I just couldn’t understand how this could happen. I attributed these reports to the natural selection of enforced chastity practitioners. I reasoned that this group didn’t really like sex and enforced chastity gave them an excuse to avoid it. I was wrong.

I now understand why post-orgasmic depression occurs. Consider this: You like sex a lot. Over a period of time your keyholder, perhaps at your request, has been extending your waits gradually over time. You now wait a month or more; maybe three for four months. When orgasm time comes, it feels amazing. After you come, you realize that wonderful feeling won’t be back for a very long time. That’s depressing. After a few days, the original motivation for being caged returns and you are back to normal. As time for your next orgasm grows near, you remember how horrible you felt after your last one. Is it really worth feeling so awful for days? Wouldn’t it be better to avoid the orgasm entirely?

I’m learning that men and women aren’t that different sexually. Most men and all women know that if a woman has no opportunity for sex, her interest will diminish and eventually disappear. Both men and women assume that males retain a keen interest in sex, opportunities or not. The rationale is that to assure survival of the species, males must always be on the prowl for sex. Most males, when no partners are available, will masturbate. But what happens if a male has no available partner and can’t masturbate? Caged males can’t masturbate and they don’t get much opportunity for orgasm. What happens then?

The enforced chastity forums and many blogs say that the male is going to transfer his interest in coming into providing pleasure for his keyholder. By giving her regular orgasms and performing other services, his sexual interest will be channeled into unselfish deeds for his keyholder. If she is a very horny female, he will have very frequent opportunities to provide orgasms. The females, it is written, like this new attention and try to withhold orgasms for the male as long as possible. As long as possible? What does that really mean?

That means withhold his orgasm until he stops performing the way she wishes. That has a much deeper and more sinister meaning. As I am learning, males will also lose interest in sex if they don’t have opportunities to have their own orgasms. Now, if the female provides frequent opportunities for him to give her orgasms, that loss of interest will be delayed, but eventually it will happen. When that point approaches, he loses interest in giving her sex. This is the time she needs to recharge his interest by getting him off. In this scenario, he will eventually begin getting post-orgasmic depression, which will lead to avoiding orgasm entirely.

In my situation, Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in orgasms at all. It may be hormonal, but for whatever reason she doesn’t want sex. If allowed, I can give her multiple large orgasms, but she doesn’t really want them. So, I have no one to keep my fires burning by providing orgasms for her. Mrs. Lion recognized this from the start and so resolved to tease and edge me at least every other day. This would keep my interest in sex active until my next orgasm. She also doesn’t make me wait too long. My average wait is about ten days. Some are much shorter; a few three weeks or more.

For over a year this worked well. Recently, something’s changed. My interest in the teasing has slumped. My interest in orgasm has also decreased. We both attributed this to either a natural lion cycle (I do have them) or stress from being out of work. That may be contributing, but I don’t think that is the real issue. Entropy may be creeping in. Teasing has become an every-other-day routine. At about 10pm, we give the dog her nightly “doggy ice cream”*. Then, Mrs. lion unlocks my cage and masturbates me close to orgasm, rinse and repeat. This goes on for a little while. Then I am locked back up again. Orgasm nights are about the same. Ten PM, doggy ice cream, unlock, edge, last time orgasm. Sometimes it is oral. Mrs. Lion gives amazing blow jobs. It always feels good.

Am I complaining? No. But I am losing interest. I don’t know why, but lately it feels similar to the way it felt prior to being locked up. In those days, we would go weeks with no sexual contact at all. I would masturbate two or three times a week. At some point I would “skooch” over closer to Mrs. Lion. She understood that I wanted sex. Most often she would masturbate me to orgasm. It felt good. So what is the problem?

I’ve been thinking about that a lot. Mrs. Lion is doing everything I wanted. I love her close to me. She knows just what feels good to me. In enforced chastity she doesn’t make me wait too long and she teases me on a regular basis. Since my last orgasm I have asked her not to tease me. I just haven’t been in the mood. She’s agreed saying that she doesn’t want to force me to be edged or get an orgasm. I think that each time we skip the activity, my interest in the next opportunity goes down again. Yes, I get flashes of horniness during the day, but by 10pm it’s passed.

I have a theory about masturbation. I always assumed we males did it to reduce sexual pressure. Jerk off now and then to keep from obsessing about sex. Maybe that was true when I was in my twenties or thirties, but not since then. Now that I have lost control of arousal and release, I’m realizing that I probably masturbated to keep my interest alive. I didn’t much like the self-induced orgasms, but it did seem to keep my arousal going. I don’t think that if Mrs. Lion unlocked me and let me rub one out when I want that it would change anything. It would just return us to pre-enforced chastity.

The issue, I think, is more complicated. In my case, sexual activity with Mrs. Lion is purely for my benefit. She has said and written that it doesn’t turn her on to get me off. She does it because she wants me to be happy. This is a great motive, but it has its limits. It’s one thing to not provide her with orgasms because she doesn’t want them, but it is something else, at least to me, to receive sex without having any effect on her. All of this — enforced chasitity, teasing, hand and blow jobs — are all just for me. It doesn’t arouse her at all. I’m not saying there is something wrong with Mrs. Lion. I just don’t turn her on. She says that nobody does. But from my selfish perspective, my inability to turn her on is all that counts.

Sex is a one way transaction. Mrs. Lion gives and I receive. It shows how much she loves me. She works very hard to give me what I want. I am deeply grateful. All of this is a service for me and me alone. I just feel selfish and unattractive. I can’t expect her libido to suddenly come to life for my benefit. But if she could have fun doing what she does. If she would find ways to make it more amusing for her, at least I would be giving back. As it stands, I don’t know what to do. Sex is something between two people, not just for one; that would be masturbation.

We’ve gotten comments that our relationship must be poor due to the sexual issues. That’s not the case. I love my lioness with all my heart and want to be with her the rest of my life with or without sex. She is my best friend and partner. I was hoping enforced chastity and FLR would give her pleasure in a way vanilla sex can’t. I love these kinks. I just wish she did too.

* Doggy Ice Cream is available commercially as “Frosty Paws” a frozen dog treat by Purina. Dogs really love these little “ice cream” cups. They are quite expensive. All they are is yogurt with a little honey and peanut butter (optional), frozen in four ounce servings. You can buy paper cups. I found real four ounce ice cream cups ($44/1000).



  1. Author

    I’m not a psychologist, but I play one in the comments sections of blogs 🙂 …

    I think your relationship is actually in quite good standing. You are at a place where you can talk about issues that come up, make suggestions and work constantly to fine-tune your relationship. That’s huge.

    I suspect that you’re experiencing life a good bit. Your job hunt, Lioness in the a similar space, doggy ice cream, the works. It all adds up and bears down on time and energy. I think we all tend to address the other pieces of life that seem so urgent and critical before we move those things out of the way to protect time and space for our personal relationship with our S.O. I have to constantly remind myself to push-back and keep working to keep priorities balanced (not just keep them straight, but balanced too).

    In this case, it’s pretty straightforward to do your routine (10pm, etc.) but perhaps that’s the issue. It’s routine. And I’m sure Lioness is tired, is worried about you and life pressures in a huge way, etc. I would respectfully suggest just mixing things up. You can do it, she can do it.

    It doesn’t have to be big things – and doesn’t have to be bought things. Just do new things – go to a park and wander. Have a picnic in the family room. Move where you get to have playtime. Perhaps you do these things, and they’re not meant as specific suggestions, just meant to possibly spur a different thought.

    Push back against life – it’s easy not to, but it’s really important. Personally, I have to constantly remind myself of that and make sure, no matter if we’re tired, if it’s late, if it’s early, whatever – make sure we’re setting aside time for us, and to do new variances. Even the smallest of changes can be great fun.

    Sorry to ramble, but hope this helps. I don’t mean to preach or judge; I have no idea what your muggle life is like, only what we read here (thanks for that!), just offering thoughts that may spur others.


    1. Author

      Thanks for the very thoughtful and helpful reply. Mrs. Lion decided the same thing as you. Last night she varied things nicely. It wasn’t a big change, but it was very welcome. She teased me and gave me an orgasm (can’t get tired of that!). And it wasn’t at 10pm. The dog had to wait for her treat.

      I’ve been taking advantage of the unwelcome free time and made pulled pork (in the smoker for 8 hours) and started writing some fiction. We cut back on our satellite TV but subscribed to NetFlicks. That’s turned out to be better than those expensive premium channels.

      Things are very good between us, but as you observed, we need to work to make things more fun. I think Mrs. Lion has some surprises in store for me, unless she posts them in a couple of hours, in which case I will find out in advance. 🙂

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