By:
In: Lion's Journal

Lion and I had a very nice five hour drive through some beautiful scenery. We found our campsite and got set up quickly. However, a tree blocked our satellite dish. Can’t be without tv when you’re roughing it. So we reconnected to the truck, disconnected the utilities and backed up fifteen feet. Success! All better, right? Nope. Then the “fun” began.

First we had a problem with water pressure that was a fairly easy fix. However, in fixing that problem we created another. A valve I had opened and closed somehow got reopened. It looked like it was open to me so I asked Lion. He said it was fine. It wasn’t. After I discovered the leak he yelled at me for not making sure the valve was closed. I yelled right back at him that I had asked him. He said I hadn’t used the correct terminology so he thought I meant a different valve. He tells me I never read manuals and I should know how things work without always relying on him. I should have just shut the damn valve when it looked wrong but I asked him for verification. Stupid Mrs. Lion.

During our setup and takedown and setup and first water problem, Lion suggested going out to eat. I was hot and sweaty and all I wanted was a shower and to stay in. I suggested a chef salad and Lion agreed. After the leak fiasco, he said he really wanted to go out to.eat. I still didn’t but I wasn’t exactly talking to him at that point so off we went. He had apologized for yelling but the damage was done. I needed some time. Later on I was very tired and now achy from all the running around so I was very responsive to Lion. Eventually we went to bed and sort of snuggled. I put off punishment day until today because neither of us was up to it last night.

Today I have renewed my commitment to decision making and being in charge. Yesterday I withdrew like I always do. Then I felt bad for doing it. Old habits die hard. I’m trying to be more decisive this morning. Lion seems to be on his best behavior so far, although he did give me some grief about my laptop not being up to date. I should read manuals and know how things work. Well, I should, but I have a lot on my plate. Perhaps I should add that to his list of assigned tasks.

Today will be the hottest day of our trip. Let’s hope the tempers don’t get hot as well.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Male Control (training)

Every so often I run across a post that suggests that men who want enforced chastity want to have fewer orgasms. Generally, this assertion is followed by some pseudo-physiology that claims after orgasm hormones are released that make the male dislike exactly those things that turn him on. There is a kernel of truth in that statement, but not at all what is claimed. After a male has an orgasm, there is a refractory period during which he is difficult to arouse and will not be able to ejaculate. This period ranges from as little as ten minutes for young men to a day or two for men in their 60’s or 70’s. The actual refractory period varies widely in individuals. However, even during this period men are still interested in sex and in the things that attract them.

Enforced chastity is not really about sex or the lack of it; it’s about control. The reason most of us want to be caged is that we want the ability to decide when we can get hard and orgasm taken away from us. Naturally, the only way to exercise this control is for our keyholders to withhold arousal and orgasm longer than we would like. It’s that simple and that complicated. What often happens is that the male associates delayed orgasm with submission. So, the longer he waits the more controlled he feels. If he believes this, then he will actively want his keyholder to make him wait longer and longer. Some guys reach the point where they want orgasm permanently withheld since this proves total sexual submission.

None of the above really suggests that caged males want fewer orgasm. What it means is that a lot of males in enforced chastity have been conditioned (by their own minds usually) to believe that the less frequently they get to orgasm, the stronger the control they feel. I think this has a very primal root. There is some evidence that men equate sex and power. That can explain why a lot of guys feel stronger and more powerful after they come. It’s success. They have done what nature intended. I think it is part of the biological programming we have to assure continuance of the species.

Speaking strictly for myself, I like to come. For most of my life I enjoyed a daily orgasm. In recent years with Mrs. Lion’s diminishing interest in sex, I masturbated two or three times a week. I also think my biological clock slowed down too. When we first started enforced chastity I was climbing the walls after waiting five days. Mrs. Lion teased me (and continues to tease me) at least every other day. The edging and teasing made it impossible for me to forget that I wanted to come. So, by the fifth day I was massively horny. Over the months, I was conditioned not to expect an orgasm very frequently. Now when I reach the fifth day I am not nearly as horny as I was a year ago. I’ve learned to lower my expectation of orgasm, which in turn reduces my interest in sex. I think this shows that while hormones are important, my mind is by far the biggest factor in my desire to come.

I’m not convinced that this is a desirable result. The only way to assure that I hit the “climb the walls” level of interest is to extend my wait and my edging. Eventually, if she makes me wait long enough, I will be climbing the walls again. Maybe now it will take two weeks to reach that point. Part of me thinks it’s a good idea to make we wait longer. That’s the same impulse that I talked about at the beginning of the post. There’s no question I can be “trained” to want less frequent release. But should I be?

An “agreeable” keyholder will find it sensible and easy to just extend waits if that is her partner’s wish. The idea of extending waits may also feed into the keyholder’s feeling of power and control. I think there are other ways to satisfy both partners without endless extending the time between male orgasms. The first is to vary wait time widely. Perhaps make the usual wait time between one and two weeks. However, some of the time (perhaps 15 or 20 percent), shorten the wait to less than a week and occasionally to three weeks or more. If the male is conditioned to expect an orgasm every week or two, a shorter or longer wait will “surprise” him and prevent conditioning his sex drive to a specific minimum wait. Frequent orgasms are a valid expression of keyholder power. Bear in mind he wants to wait longer, but you aren’t letting him. You are in control. An occasional long wait with a lot of teasing is an unmistakable reminder of who is in charge.

 

 

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. That about sums it up lately. Lion and I are a month and a half from our tenth anniversary and we love each other more than ever. At the same time, we’re in hard financial times.

Now obviously I’m not two lionesses, but sometimes I feel like it. Lion wants me to be in charge. I’m not really an in charge kind of person. Tonight I’m in a conflicted mood. Part of me wants to be laid back. Part of me wants to take charge. More accurately, part of me wants to want to take charge. I imagine ruling with an iron fist. Not like the horrible women you see on sitcoms who tell their husbands how worthless they are. Lion is very valuable to me. So this weekend I’m determined to make more decisions. What we eat, when we eat, where we go, when we go. Sure I may ask for some input, but I will make the final decisions. That’s the plan at least. We’ll see how it goes.

I just think it’s time I really give it more effort. I owe it to my Lion. He does so much for me. I need to do more for him.

By:
In: Lion's Journal

There is a ton of information and misinformation about purchasing chastity devices. I have a page with details on how to fit one. But how do you select one? What is important to consider? Let’s start with the most basic and critical concept: enforced chastity is consensual. The guy wants his cock locked up. Locking up a man against his will is illegal. So if you or your partner wants to begin enforced chastity, the key is that he wants it (or at least agrees to it). Therefore, there is no reason to waste any time thinking about whether you can escape or not from a device.  Even devices secured by penis piercings can be escaped with enough effort. Remembering this will save you a lot of money and pain.

The purpose of a chastity device is to prevent erection and stimulation to orgasm. That means the device is measured to snugly hold the flaccid (soft) penis. No room is needed for an erection. In case you wondered, it is possible to have an orgasm without getting an erection. It is almost always possible with a big vibrator to get off while wearing a cage. But remember, enforced chastity is consensual. The device doesn’t have to be the Alcatraz of penis.

What is important when selecting a device is that it is comfortable and easy to keep clean. Obviously, it has to fit well enough so it will take some effort to escape. But you are expected to have enough self control to not try too hard. The most popular devices are known as “ball capture” devices. They consist of a ring that goes around your balls and your penis. A cage or container fits onto this base ring and locks in place. The base ring measurement is critical. If it is too lose, your escape-artist balls will slip out while you wear the cage. If it is too tight, you will experience pain and chafing. On our Getting a Good Fit page there are suggestions on how to find the right size for your base ring.

my flaccid penis compared with my cage.
I put on my base ring and placed the cage on the mounting pin in the same place it would go to contain my penis. Note that the cage is about 1/2″ shorter than my flaccid penis. This turns out to be perfect for me.

Here’s the part that almost everyone gets wrong: the cage size. A properly sized cage will gently hug the sides of the penis and the head will always be in full contact with the front. Virtually everyone gets a cage that is too long. This is a problem because if the penis is not touching the front of the cage, when you pee urine will slop into the cage and everywhere else. If your penis is firmly pressed against the front of the device, pee will travel through the provided opening. Also erections won’t get any room to start. This page shows my penis both soft and hard inside the cage. You can see there is virtually no difference. That’s the way it should be. Even with a perfect fit, I occasionally spray when peeing. My urethra can “wander” a fraction of an inch and “bite” the bars. When this happens (image), the urine stream is interrupted. This is much more unlikely if the cage length is short enough.

Some guys experience pain when they attempt to get hard inside the device. This often happens during sleep. The pain wakes them up. A properly fit device is much less likely to cause this problem, but it is possible. I wear the Mature Metal Jail Bird device. Attempted erections do not hurt at all. I sleep right through them. Open cage devices like the Jail Bird seem to be less prone to such issues.

A key requirement for a successful device is that it is easy to keep clean. No matter how hard you try, some urine will drip into the device or, in my case, in the space between the cage and my balls. If it isn’t very easy to stay clean, you will start to smell very bad unless you take a lot of time to be sure to clean the device. Many guys who wear solid tube devices spend half of a shower just trying to clean out the device. Those tubes look cool and do prevent any contact with the penis, but they also require a lot of effort to keep clean.

Most people when the first start out and want to try enforced chastity, order a ready-made device. They’re much less expensive than custom devices and you can get one in a day or two. Custom devices take up to two months to get. The problem with the ready-made devices is that they rarely fit well. Length is almost always wrong (too long usually) and the base rings may or may not be right. I think that many of the people who quit after a week or two, do so because of bad fitting off-the-shelf devices. If you do order one of these devices, only buy acrylic (plastic) or stainless steel devices. Chrome plated devices don’t hold up and the plating will flake off.

That’s it. The lion’s guide to buying a male chastity device. The most important advice I can give you is to ignore “security” and find a device you can wear comfortably 24/7. Why? Because that’s what you will end up doing. My cage rarely comes off.