Confused Again, Naturally

Several posts lately have made me wonder what the purpose of this
game is. A caged male trying to extricate himself and someone who
willfully misbehaves just to be punished. I don’t get it. It’s
difficult for me to wrap my mind around the idea of anyone wanting to
be tied up and spanked or have their nipples pinched or enjoying pain.
I guess since I’m almost always in some sort of pain, I can’t imagine
the thrill.

To some extent I can understand a junior Houdini caged male who tries
to break free. It’s a challenge to him. He buys bigger and better
cages to outsmart them. If he has a keyholder I hope she understands
that he’s not breaking free to misbehave. Unless he really is breaking
out just to misbehave. Then he’s like the one who misbehaves to get

Is it just to get attention? Is it to outsmart the keyholder? What
recourse does the keyholder have? Punishment will be enjoyed. Ignoring
him will cause him to act out more. If I’m being undermined as a
keyholder how long will I want to continue being a keyholder?

I thought spanking Lion fairly hard as punishment was different from
a spanking he likes. Now I find out that he might actually enjoy the
punishment spanking too. Not from a “my keyholder is exercising her
power over me” point of view, but from a “I really love being spanked”
point of view. Do I need to find another way to punish him? Does he
need to be zapped? He’s said the zap is not really a long lasting
deterrent. If I do find another way to punish him I will be worried
that he enjoys that as much as spanking. Every time I think I’m
getting my footing with this the ground gives way a little bit.

I guess I could go back to diapers. I know he hates them and that’s
one of the reasons I stopped making him wear them. The other reason
was the planning. If we were going to be away from home for any length
of time he’d be uncomfortable and there was a risk of leaking and
embarrassment. But if he needs a punishment he doesn’t like then maybe
diapers are the answer. Personally I like the idea of punishment
swats. They’re quick and easy and, I thought, the idea of them hanging
over him all day until I had his naked buns available was daunting to
him. Maybe I need a meaner paddle. Maybe I don’t need to understand
the purpose of the game at all. Maybe I just need to keep playing along.


  1. Author

    For the record, I don’t ever willfully misbehave. I do like spankings. Your punishment spankings are not fun for me. I do like the idea of you spanking me, but when you use the mean paddle and give me lots of swats, I am not having a good time! Some pain is enjoyable for me. Other pain certainly isn’t. When my back or leg is sore, I do not like that pain at all. When my balls or butt hurt, I do like that.

    Hey, you married me!

    1. Author

      I’m glad you don’t misbehave intentionally. As for marrying you, in my defense, you have a sexy butt.

  2. Author

    What is the purpose? That really is the core question isn’t it? What do you each want out of this. Having read through as much of your back issues as I could in the time I’ve had this week (I found you guys on Sunday), it’s always a little tougher to balance when one person brings the kink to the other.

    Is it possible that the punishment dynamic isn’t one that works for you? It’s not that he can’t be “trained” but that you, as the Top, just don’t get enough out of the “find a punishment, administer the punishment, repeat” program as another might. It’s just a possibility to mull over but not all D/s relationships require that dynamic to work. You can still have rules that should be followed and for some submissive just knowing that they’ve disappointed you is enough motivation to stay the course.

    Are the punishments something you want to assign to force “better behavior” or are they things you feel you ~have~ to assign because you’re a top?

    On the subject of punishments, I find the classic writing of lines to be very effective. Having someone write “I will wait my turn to talk because all voices need a chance to be heard” a hundred or so times not only eats up a pile of time (like a time out) and doles a little pain (writers cramp anyone?) but they also serve as a reminder not only of the rule, but ~why~ the rule exists. Then if you keep a punishment notebook you a) have a record of previous sets of lines to review, and b) a prop to remind him when he’s close to being assigned lines.

    For what it’s worth, I respect and understand your hesitancy to use punishments that are potentially in the realm of “hatred” because you are not just a Top, but you also share a life together. He has to consent to the punishment even if it’s grudgingly. But remember he has put his faith and trust in you.

    That means he, most importantly, thinks you can do this.

    So, probably, you can.

  3. Author

    Suggestions: 1. Use a cane 2. Cold shower 3. Corner or wall time.

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