Male Chastity Journal

“Take back your key!” This phrase strikes fear into the heart of any guy locked up in enforced chastity. The fact that this phrase is the ultimate punishment a keyholder can inflict says a lot about the true nature of enforced chastity. Enforced chastity depends on the belief that the caged male has no control over his situation. The chastity device stays in place until the keyholder takes it off. This belief is central to the entire enforced chastity experience.

I thought a lot about this since Mrs. Lion agreed to lock my penis. I know that she locks me up because it makes me happy. It stands to reason that she would stop if I no longer want to be caged. That’s where I see a problem. There is a big difference between consensual and voluntary. You consent to join the army, but you can’t just walk away if you don’t like it. You consented. Once you agreed, you made a contract that you can’t leave until it expires. If you agree to work in a soup kitchen, and then decide to stop, you can. You are a volunteer.

That’s the big difference. I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up. She agreed. We both agreed that I would remain locked up until March 2016. We have a verbal contract. So if I ask her to give me back the key, she is obliged to refuse. If she gets sick of my behavior and wants to stop, she’s stuck too. I asked Mrs. Lion to make this agreement because it can be too easy to just give up. Enforced male chastity seems like a rather simple power exchange. But it isn’t.

I realized that our enforced chastity hits both of us at very profound levels. Mrs. Lion has to learn to be willing to hurt me with discipline and by withholding sex when I badly want it. That goes against the grain of everything she has been taught. It makes her act to make me unhappy even though she agreed to locking me up because it makes me happy. That is a major conflict and requires a lot of time and work to resolve in her own mind.

She also has to learn to exercise her power in ways that meet the need I expressed when I wanted to be locked up. When she does exercise it, she has to learn to cope with my reactions, which may be childish and inappropriate. She has to stand firm in the face of my sincere expressions of pain and anger. But if I asked for this in the first place, why would I react so badly?

I shouldn’t. I should always recognize that when I hurt, physically or emotionally, it is because I am getting what I want. Real control has to result in real emotional reactions. When Mrs. Lion added a day to my wait, I was truly upset. I had no idea it would have that effect on me. I figured that I might growl a bit and stamp around, but I didn’t expect it to feel like I took a punch in the gut.

Now that I have had time to think about it, I understand my reaction. It was a good sign. It meant that Mrs. Lion had exercised true control. She didn’t do something that I wanted her to do. She did something to make a point and expected me to hate the outcome. I’m sure my reaction didn’t make her feel good or make her feel she was doing her job well. She probably felt awful that I was upset. Fortunately, she also recognized that she was doing what I wanted. I just didn’t like how it felt when I wasn’t pushing the buttons.

That’s the point, isn’t it? Power exchange. The biggest mistake all tops make in the beginning is to believe that the bottom will be grateful for everything they get. In a play session, the bottom better be grateful. It was exactly what he/she wanted. Long term topping, like enforced male chastity is different. The bottom (caged male) wants to be controlled. Sooner or later he is going to hate the results of this agreement. It’s inevitable.

What happens next is where the rubber really meets the road. Mrs. Lion stood her ground and even told me that if I didn’t stop being so difficult, she would add more days to my wait. That was no idle threat. I am really locked in and whether I get out or get off is completely in her hands. It felt scary to be helpless. I think I learned something. I am much more careful about my behavior. So far, she hasn’t had to add any time to my waits.

We are only a few weeks from finishing our first year. We have independently decided that keeping me in a chastity device has been good for our relationship and that we don’t want to stop. I think we are at the very beginning of exploring the actual power exchange. Mrs. Lion is still very careful to keep things within my comfort zone. Maybe adding that day to my wait scared her. I hope not. That was the first time I have truly felt her power. It hurt, but in another way it was deeply satisfying.

Living in a chastity device is a lot more complex than I thought. I don’t enjoy waiting to come when I truly want to get off. I struggle to be accepting of Mrs. Lion’s decisions and punishments. Clearly it’s going to be a slow process for me to learn to gracefully accept loss of control. I’m deeply grateful Mrs. Lion has the patience and love to do this for me.

It’s only a week until Christmas and Chanukah is going on now, a perfect time to talk about tree trimming; yours. Male chastity tree trimming is decorating your tree with a nice shiny new male chastity device. This is truly the gift that keeps on giving.  I doubt there will be something under the holiday tree to lock onto your tree. There could be next year.  If you are thinking about starting in enforced male chastity, read on.

The Basics
When you have spent a long time fantasizing about being locked up and then finally make up your mind to go for it, you want to start now! You also probably want to spend as little as possible on your first cage. What if you hate being locked up? Why invest a lot of money in something you won’t use? First of all, getting into your first cage takes a lot of preparation. You need to understand your measurements (See Getting a Good Fit for details). Second, you should try to avoid the pitfalls many new caged males hit.

I’m sure you have put “inescapable” on top of the requirements for your first cage. Forget it! Every device can be escaped. Some may take more effort than others, but they are all escapable. It’s the male anatomy. Besides, it’s you who wants to be locked up. Why try to be a penis Houdini with a device you have dreamed of wearing?

If you plan to wear this device for more than a day or so, the first item on your list must be comfort. It should be so comfortable that you can’t even feel it is there most of the time. Otherwise, even minor discomforts will add up and end your dream. Comfort comes from proper fit. It also comes from putting security low on your list. If your balls don’t pop out of  your base ring, it isn’t too large. Ideally, it should be tight enough so that you can only get one finger between the ring and your body. But if you don’t plan on escaping and a larger ring feels better, go for the larger ring. The cage should touch all sides and the head of your penis at all times. If the cage is too big,  you will spray pee all over the place and you will permit your penis to get more erect than a device should allow.

Cheap Cages
Inexpensive plastic, silicone, or steel cages are made to fit average cocks. I’m pretty sure there isn’t such a thing, but that’s the plan. The cheap steel cages generally come with a hinged base ring. This seemed like a good idea to me at first. The ring is hinged and you place it behind your balls, close, and lock it. The problem is that these rings are rectangular in cross section and no matter how smooth, the edges will bother you after a while. The hinge is usually covered by a silicone sleeve to prevent pinching. This sleeve tends to grip your scrotum and hurts when your body needs to slip against it.

Plastic and silicone rings have the same issue. Even if the ring is round or oval in cross section, plastic and silicone being less strong than steel, need to be wider and thicker to have the needed strength. Many guys who wear these devices have constant irritation and many try to use lubes to improve the slip. They rarely forget they are caged. The cage becomes more difficult than the enforced male chastity. That’s why I think stainless steel is the best. It’s a bit heavier than plastic or silicone, but the metal lets your skin move against the ring as you go through your day. I have never needed to take the device off because of irritation nor use any lube.

Ask for Money This Year
Given that we are all built a bit differently, I strongly suggest you take your Christmas money and put it toward a custom male chastity device. There are two guys who make great devices: Mature Metal and Steelworx. Mature Metal is in Texas. Steelworx is in Germany. Both outfits are great to deal with. Depending on the device and extras, a custom device will cost between $300 and $500. My Mature Metal Jail Bird was about $350 with the security screw. Mature Metal corresponded with me and helped me select the right device and offered suggestions about fit. The Getting A Good Fit page has the advice I received and used. Please read it carefully.

I know, that’s a lot of money. Worse yet, you have to wait about 6 weeks for a Mature Metal cage and 8 or more for Steelworx. The results are worth the wait. I strongly suggest you save the $100 to $200 you will waste on cheap devices and just go for a custom device from the start. Aside from really fitting well, the cost is a strong incentive not to quit too soon. Knowing you have $400 invested in that device locked on your penis may be a good incentive to leave it there until you get comfortable being caged. I’m sure you dreamed about being caged for a long time. An extra few weeks won’t add that much to your wait and will pay off with a device you can really live in.