Ill-Gotten Gains
We went to our show last night and we had a good time. There was a little time for gambling before and after. As usually happens, one of us wins and one of us loses. I’m not sure there’s ever been a time when we both won. Both losing, well yeah, that happens most often. Last night I was on the winning side. Nothing incredible. Just enough to cover Lion’s small loss and still have enough of my ill-gotten gains left over to chip in for the jaunt to the big box store. Technically I should buy something for myself, but I don’t tend to do that, much to Lion’s chagrin. He wants me to have whatever I want. The problem is, I don’t want much. At least nothing that I can point to and buy right here, right now.
For example, I know I need clothes for work. But I’m fussy. I need to search for things. Lion is not a patient shopper. That’s fine. I like to shop alone. I can wander around, and around, and around. I’m sure I make security people nervous. Why is she back in the shoe department? Wasn’t she just in accessories? Now she’s in women’s again. Nope. Shoes. I need time to consider, and reconsider, and finally put back on the rack, each item. I’m horrible at shopping. Why would I want to drag Lion along for that?
Anyway, by the time we got home last night it was after midnight. Too late to play. I know, the night was young. We are not. So we slept. And today we’re running errands and going to the movies later. Probably no play again. So it will fall to Sunday, which seems to be our M.O. lately. But it’s OK. I think. I mean, it’s not like we’re not playing on purpose. It’s not like we’re avoiding it. We’re just busy this weekend. And tired. We’ve both been very tired. Things will pick back up soon.
We’re not done with male chastity or FLR. At least I’m not. And Lion doesn’t have much choice in the matter.
Keeping It Clean
Every week or two I use an ultrasonic jewelry cleaner to wash the Jail Bird. Before we got the ultrasonic cleaner, I worked very hard to keep the device clean. The threads on the security screw and in the device would gunk up with a combination of body oil and dirt. The cage and ring would be a dull finish. I did wash it when I showered and when it was off for play or manscaping. Manual cleaning never fully did the job.
I found an inexpensive ultrasonic jewelry cleaner on Amazon. It cost less than $30. A good-size bottle of ultrasonic cleaning concentrate was another few bucks. Cleaning is a cinch. I fill the cleaner with hot water and add about 1/2 ounce of the cleaning concentrate. The cage, ring and security screw go into the supplied basket. I lower it into the solution and push the start button. Six minutes later I have a completely clean cage. Any trace of oil or dirt is gone. The Jail Bird looks as good as new. This ultrasonic cleaner works as well with plastic too. It does a great job on padlocks as well. We use it to clean eyeglasses and jewelry too. This is truly a useful appliance.
While we are on the subject of cleanliness, a bit on personal hygiene is in order. Peeing and keeping the stream in the toilet is an ongoing challenge. I can use a urinal almost all the time. I always check to be sure my urethra is centered and not touching any bars. If it is out of position, I use a Q-Tip that I keep in my pants pocket to nudge it back into position. At home, I sit to pee. I am not very reliable standing and getting all the urine to make it into the bowl.
When I finish, there are always some drips. I catch as many as I can in toilet paper, but inevitably, a bit ends up between my cage and my balls. Depending on how much finds its way there, I can detect a urine odor when I undress. I wash down there every chance I get. Even with all that, when the cage comes off, I can sometimes detect a scent. Mrs. Lion says I don’t smell, but I notice a faint-but-unmistakable scent wafting up.
Happily, with the Jail Bird, a shower removes all traces of urine. It is one of the best devices for easy personal cleaning. The “tube” style devices are much more difficult to keep clean. In most cases, regular removal of the device is needed to allow bathing and sanitizing the tube.
For me, on a day-to-day basis, the most challenging thing about wearing a chastity device is dealing with peeing and general hygiene. I have to think about my next pit stop a lot more than uncaged guys. In the grand scheme of things this is a minor annoyance. It’s a small price to pay for the benefits we get from enforced chastity.
Double Trouble
Well, it’s Friday the 13th. And a full moon. Double trouble. But so far, knock on wood, things have just been silly at work. I’m hoping the rest of the day goes equally as well. Tonight we are off to see an act that won America’s Got Talent some years ago. And the show is at a casino, so I’m sure Lion will want to test his luck. My patience for casinos is low right now so I’ll just sit next to Lion and watch.
Lion was able to take the medium nJoy butt plug last night. I didn’t think he’d have too much trouble but it has been a while. He held it for a little over an hour before it became too uncomfortable. I need to be more consistent with anal activity. I also tied Lion’s balls up and edged him. Unfortunately, he wilted after the first try. He may have been thinking about something. I may have rushed into edging too quickly. Maybe we’re not completely out of the doldrums yet. At least we attempted to play. And we snuggled.
I’m not sure how much play we’ll get to this weekend. Tonight we’re out. Saturday night we’re going to the movies, but we may be able to play in the afternoon. We have the usual weekend chores and errands to take care of. We don’t have to play for a long time. Every little bit counts. Maybe I’ll have Lion wear the shock collar tonight. That way when I’m ready to leave the casino I can zap him if he argues. But the shock collar pinches sometimes and I’m going for zap, not pinch. We’ll figure it out.
Mailbag: Betrayal
What happens when he doesn’t stick to his enforced chastity agreement? One reader doesn’t know what to do.
A few weeks after rules were established I woke up to find toys and lube
left out. I confronted him and he informed me he had watched porn and used a
plug during a late night study break after i had fallen asleep. He did not
unlock himself or cum.
He was apologetic, he earned spankings and had to show me he could stick to
the rules before we engaged in edging or direct play again. We discussed
extra measure to eliminate temptations; locks for porn on his phone, lock
box for toys. He indicated that it was unecessary and promised to not do it
again. I agreed thinking he was just getting used to the rules.
Then tonight, weeks later, I was asleep when he got home from class. After
waking up to pee, I check out tumblr and see that he recently reblogged
porn. Then coming back to bed I notice toys and lube out on his side and his
cage off. I woke him up to ask for clarification and he told me he
masterbated after taking off his cage that had started hurting (We are
testing out different sized rings so that could be valid). I am beyond hurt.
Trust and respect are vitally important to me and I feel almost betrayed. I
am questioning our enforced chastity relationship.
He was the one that enthusiastically suggested it. He agreed fully to our
rules in negotiations. I have been finding such fulfillment in my role being
able to script our sexual encounters soley on my terms without the burden of
guilt I have inflicted on myself for years. And now i just don’t know…
I dont know how to practically punish him without getting too emotional.
Locking the toys and porn away makes me feel like i am disciplining a child
not a grown man who should have respect for me and our relationship.
Physical punishment is a possibility but we have been using impact in
stimulating ways recently so it would feel less like punishment at this
point.
Any advice you have would be wonderful!
If the only issue was his disobedience, it would be easy to suggest a way to correct it: unlock him and stop playing. But that’s not the case here. He may have suggested FLR and enforced chastity because they represent a hot fantasy he would like to live. But you agreed because it provides a possible solution for the guilt you have been feeling as well as freeing you to take the control you want. It appears that you don’t want to give it up. Let’s consider your options.
Since FLR and enforced chastity are consensual, the first step is to get him to confirm he wants you to be in charge. Sit down at the table and explain that you are hurt because he has disregarded his agreement. Ask him if he wants to continue with enforced chastity and FLR. If he agrees, explain that what he did goes beyond just breaking a rule. It’s a betrayal of your trust. Make sure he knows you are serious. Get him to acknowledge that he hurt you.
That’s the adult part of this transaction. While it may feel unnatural, you are very much the parent in this case. He has acted like a child and needs to be treated as one. Explain that to him as well. Your instincts are good. Lock up his toys permanently. You are the only one who should use them on him. They are yours. Feel free to block his access to porn. Do you think he should be watching porn? If you don’t, take it away; again, permanently. Things have to change. Right?
Mrs. Lion and I enjoy impact play. Even so, she uses spanking to punish me. A punishment spanking is nothing like our play. She uses a very painful paddle and hits full strength right from the start. I don’t mistake her swats for play. Punishment is probably the most difficult aspect of all this. It has taken Mrs. Lion a long time to get to the point she is OK really hurting me. Even so, she often goes easy.
I agree that his behavior is a betrayal of your trust. But you should consider that he has to learn how to behave the way you expect. It takes quite a while for him to be conditioned to deal with the loss of sexual freedom. So, locking him up with no edging or play is probably not the best idea for a punishment. For him to “learn” to fully surrender sexually, he needs time. Reasonably frequent orgasms and very frequent teasing are needed to get him started. After a few months, reduce the orgasms to one every week or two. This has nothing to do with his behavior. Sexual punishment is probably better reserved for later.
He needs to understand that he hurt you. As his disciplining partner, it is your obligation to make a strong point. Spanking is a good start, but since this is such a serious offense you may want to consider more. Maybe take away his Internet access for a couple of weeks. Take away something he really likes, except sex (for now). He has to learn how seriously you take masturbation. Mrs. Lion has made it clear to me that jerking off is almost as serious as cheating with another woman. If that’s how you feel, then your punishment has to hurt him the way he hurt you. After he does his penance, be sure to let him know he is forgiven.
There is one more thing you might want to consider: You are in charge. His behavior is your responsibility. It is your responsibility to correct him. If he agrees that you are in charge, you don’t need his permission to enforce any rule you choose to make. If he is so immature that he can’t control himself, then it’s your job to help him learn how. Can you do it?
