Fiascos
Sheesh!
Who knew one post could create so much controversy? Should I have punished Lion? Is he allowed to do something nice for me? Just what the heck is going on in the Lions’ den? I’ll let you in on a little secret. I really do have some idea what I’m doing. Maybe not at any one given time, but overall. It may take me a day or two to mull it over, but sooner or later it becomes clear. I’m not going to pretend I’ll make everyone happy, but everyone doesn’t matter as much (to me) as Lion does.
OK. Let’s start from the beginning. Lion came home from his business trip sick. He was coughing and tired. I’ve been battling a sinus-y thing too so we both pretty much slept last weekend away. At first I suspended the rule about spilling stuff on his shirt. If he’s not feeling well he might be more likely to be messy. Eventually I suspended all rules until Lion feels better. I also left him wild this entire time. Why make him worry about the inconvenience of the cage while he’s sick?
Then came the Christmas dinner fiasco. I was trying to do something nice for him. He wound up doing something nice for me. The only reason it was an issue is because it’s the end of the year and the end of the year sucks for me. The vacuuming thing was just thrown in there for good measure. I didn’t communicate well. Lion didn’t hear well. It was a collision of his cold and my YEF ( year end funk). It was a bigger deal than it should have been. Because I’d suspended all rules, and because YEF is my irrational issue, Lion should not have been punished for either thing.
I’m still fully in the middle of YEF and things are still bothering me way too much. Now that I recognize it, I’m able to put the brakes on it better than before. At least I think I am.
Despite all the chaos, I’ve still been edging Lion each night. He’s been very horny the past few days. Last night he was super hard very quickly. I’ve decided oral is my new favorite way to torture him. I recently figured out what to look for to get him just to the edge. When I’m using my hand, it’s easy to see signs. When my face is buried, the signs are fairly well hidden. So now I can tease him more effectively. And he loves it. Or hates it. A little of both.
An Exception
Yesterday there was some controversy about the fact Mrs. Lion decided not to spank me when I disobeyed her. It was an interesting situation. We’ve been discussing Christmas dinner for some time. Mrs. Lion said that she would like something other than turkey. She suggested a roast beef. I know she doesn’t really like it, but will eat it if very well done. Then she invited a friend to join us. Her friend said she doesn’t like prime rib because it is so fatty. Her friend and Mrs. Lion both really like ham. I don’t.
On Monday morning, Mrs. Lion emailed me that we would have turkey on Christmas. She didn’t say any more than that. I knew that she really didn’t want turkey, but she knows I don’t care for ham. I decided that I would order a special ham for Christmas. I knew I was disobeying her. I understood that she might be angry and spank me. I decided that I would do it anyway. I ordered the ham and told her I did it.
She was upset. But she decided that she wouldn’t punish me. She understood that I did it because I love her and want her to get what she likes. This decision created some dissent from our readers. Susan explained that willful disobedience has to be punished severely. Michael agreed. Susan’s right. Willful disobedience should be severely punished. I support that one-hundred percent.
Then why was it ok for Mrs. Lion to decide not to punish me? Why was I willing to risk a beating to change the entree on Christmas? This situation is the poster child of the exception to this rule.
Normally, disobedience is self serving. When I interrupt, I am claiming that what I have to say is more important than what she is saying. If I buy something I’m told not to get, I’m doing something self serving. The key behaviors that clearly deserve severe punishment are willful, self-serving disobedience and disrespect. Interrupting is disrespectful. Then, isn’t buying ham when I was told we would have turkey willful disobedience? It is.
The big difference is that the disobedience in this case was for the benefit of Mrs. Lion. I absolutely know that she prefers ham. I have no problem with the fact that I won’t love this meat. I want to see her digging in and enjoying the meal. I think that if any power exchange is to last a lifetime, it has to include exceptions for acts of love.
Even if Mrs. Lion decides that Susan is right and I end up with a bruised, sore butt, I will be happy with my disobedience. What’s more I will do it again any time I can find a way to make my sweetheart’s life better.
Remain Calm
Yesterday, on the way home from work, I decided that my “condition” at the end of the year is like PMS. Lion is lucky he doesn’t have to deal with my PMS throughout the year. He just has to deal with my YEF – year end funk. Sure YEF lasts longer than any given PMS, but PMS lasts about a week a month. YEF only lasts about a month and a half. If you add up all the weeks of PMS you get twelve weeks. YEF is only half of that. You’re welcome, Lion.
I think Lion may even have a little YEF in addition to his cough. I bought some corn bread yesterday. Lion likes it buttered and warmed up in a frying pan. I did that. Lion likes his coffee strong. I did that. When he saw the corn bread he said it was raw and there was no butter on it. I corrected him. When he was done with his coffee, he said I need to remember to hit the strong button on the coffee maker. I corrected him. Just a shade of YEF there.
I’m trying to fight off my YEF this morning. I looked at the messy kitchen table and thought there’s no way things will be clean for Christmas dinner. Then I wondered why I was worried about that. Christmas is Sunday. We have all day Friday and Saturday to get it clean. I was annoyed that the stores will be packed when we finally get out to shop for things we need for dinner. Then I thought we don’t need much. What’s the big deal? YEF. That’s all it is. Remain calm. Easier said than done, but I’m going to try.
Despite my YEF, I edged Lion last night. He was very horny. He just had an orgasm the other day. He shouldn’t be so horny. He must be getting better. I teased him mercilessly with the Magic Wand. Even afterwards he wanted me to edge him again. Of course, he hoped I’d go too far and give him another orgasm. And I knew if I did, he’d ask me why I gave him another one so soon. *sigh* Can’t win. So I didn’t edge him again. He’d had his exercise for the night. A lion shouldn’t be greedy.
Lion is also locked away again. I was debating with myself whether I should lock him up or leave him wild until he feels all better. Then he asked if I wanted him to put the base ring on. I assumed he wanted to go back in. We can do that. A few minutes after being locked up he said he likes being wild better. Too bad. He was locked up and would stay that way. As he kept telling me he liked it better when he was wild, I told him he just spent money getting the Jail Bird re-threaded. And he’s having the new, non-metal cage resized. I think he needs to be caged to get our money’s worth.
I guess that’s the paradox to being caged. When he’s out, he wants in. When he’s in, he wants out. Silly Lion.
Behavioral Changes
Many people who write about their enforced chastity experiences claim that the male changes noticeably when caged and/or under orgasm control. I’ve written about how ejaculation isn’t necessarily my objective during sex. That change was brought on by enforced chastity. I’ve learned not to expect to ejaculate each time I am stimulated. It’s no longer my objective.
Other people make different claims. One reader commented that his wife noticed changes in him:
“I asked her what the benefits were to her and she said:
- You listen to me more and pay me more attention
- You are more loving and tactile – more hugs and kisses
- The house is tidier as you do more things
- I feel desired and adored
- We have sex more often
- We have less arguments and disagreements
- You seem happier and less stressed – and I know now that if you do seem grumpy or stressed that a good spanking helps alleviate that.
- Generally I feel happier and there is more romance in our everyday life.”
It’s a very positive list. I wonder how many of those changes apply to me as well. Mrs. Lion has always been rather cagey about attributing any changes I may have made to being caged. She has, on the other hand, been very clear that spanking me severely for breaking a rule puts me on my best behavior. Does it mean that domestic discipline is the only change that makes my behavior toward Mrs. Lion improve?
The reason I bring all this up is that I honestly didn’t notice that my behavior changed after my punishment over a week ago. That’s not entirely true. I am aware I carefully check that Mrs. Lion has begun eating before I dig in. Otherwise I haven’t noticed any changes in myself. I’ve always been skeptical that enforced chastity could change anything other than sexual behavior. Now I am not so sure I was right. While I don’t think that orgasm control has changed me beyond effectively retraining my sexual expectations (a very big deal all by itself), Mrs. Lion has observed that domestic discipline has changed me in other ways.
For the last ten days I’ve been wild. My cage was removed when I traveled on business last week. I came home sick. Mrs. Lion decided to leave me uncaged and suspend some of her rules during my illness. She’s been very forgiving. I appreciate that consideration. Now that I am on the mend, I expect amnesty will end.
Flash, the writer of the comment, provided a very good list of behavioral improvements. I do wonder about the “We have sex more often.” After all, if he is locked in a chastity device one would expect there would be less sex, at least for him. Other than that item, I suspect that my behavior has improved much the same way. I await Mrs. Lion’s comment to validate or deny this.
The positive changes in his case as well as mine are the result of transferring power to our partners. In my case, when Mrs. Lion became a strict, disciplining wife, I did become less stressed and happier. She said I was on my best behavior. Apparently our life together has been improved by my spankings.
I suspect that in our case at least, Mrs. Lion is uncertain about my changes because of the radical way they were generated. She doesn’t appear to have fully assimilated the idea of punishing me as needed. I certainly don’t like it one bit when she does. But neither of us can deny the positive changes in both of us.
We’ve talked about my changes. She’s also changed as well. She lets me know when I do anything that upsets her. I believe she is finally letting me know what I have to do to avoid this. What’s more, she is enforcing it with her paddle. I never would have guessed, but I really need that. I also think she does too. It’s moving things to a new level for both of us. The results are amazingly positive. A few bruises on my butt are certainly a cheap price for all this goodness.
Yesterday there was a good example of these issues. Mrs. Lion reported in her post that she was angry I bought a ham after she told me we would have a turkey. Later, she realized that I got the ham because I know she loves ham. She wanted the turkey because she knows I don’t like ham. Some people responded to her post that I should be spanked for disobeying her instructions about turkey for dinner. Mrs. Lion correctly, in my opinion, decided I didn’t deserve punishment. As her husband, I changed the plan out of love for her. It wasn’t disobedience. It was love.
The second incident was later last night when she wanted to vacuum and expected me to take the dog into my office and then give her a nightly treat once the vacuuming was done. I wanted to give her the treat right away. I did. I don’t understand why I did that. I was confused about the vacuuming. I was disobedient. Here is an opportunity for better communication. Had Mrs. Lion said, “I told you that I will vacuum first and then you can give the dog her treat,” I would have been caught up by her correction.
Instead of that, she let me do what I started and got angry later. In our true DD relationship, the incentive is not to find ways to punish me. It’s to correct my behavior and train me to be much more aware of what is going on. Obedience has to be taught. This is an area of communication we need to work on. Because I’m sick, Mrs. Lion decided not to spank me for the dog incident.
So far our enforced chastity routines are unchanged. I expect a slight adjustment there too. I’ve observed that if I remain locked except when she is teasing me or there is a very good reason for me to be wild, I am calmer and happier. Apparently, it’s not a gift to leave me wild at any time. I’m surprised at that. I genuinely like the convenience of no cage.
Maybe that is all in my head. I need feedback from my lioness about that too. If she confirms that my mental state improves as a result of wearing a chastity device, then I expect I will be wearing it even more. When it is on or off is completely up to her. That’s as it should be.
