Behavioral Changes

Many people who write about their enforced chastity experiences claim that the male changes noticeably when caged and/or under orgasm control. I’ve written about how ejaculation isn’t necessarily my objective during sex. That change was brought on by enforced chastity. I’ve learned not to expect to ejaculate each time I am stimulated. It’s no longer my objective.

Other people make different claims. One reader commented that his wife noticed changes in him:

“I asked her what the benefits were to her and she said:

  • You listen to me more and pay me more attention
  • You are more loving and tactile – more hugs and kisses
  • The house is tidier as you do more things
  • I feel desired and adored
  • We have sex more often
  • We have less arguments and disagreements
  • You seem happier and less stressed – and I know now that if you do seem grumpy or stressed that a good spanking helps alleviate that.
  • Generally I feel happier and there is more romance in our everyday life.”

It’s a very positive list. I wonder how many of those changes apply to me as well. Mrs. Lion has always been rather cagey about attributing any changes I may have made to being caged. She has, on the other hand, been very clear that spanking me severely for breaking a rule puts me on my best behavior. Does it mean that domestic discipline is the only change that makes my behavior toward Mrs. Lion improve?

The reason I bring all this up is that I honestly didn’t notice that my behavior changed after my punishment over a week ago. That’s not entirely true. I am aware I carefully check that Mrs. Lion has begun eating before I dig in. Otherwise I haven’t noticed any changes in myself. I’ve always been skeptical that enforced chastity could change anything other than sexual behavior. Now I am not so sure I was right. While I don’t think that orgasm control has changed me beyond effectively retraining my sexual expectations (a very big deal all by itself), Mrs. Lion has observed that domestic discipline has changed me in other ways.

For the last ten days I’ve been wild. My cage was removed when I traveled on business last week. I came home sick. Mrs. Lion decided to leave me uncaged and suspend some of her rules during my illness. She’s been very forgiving. I appreciate that consideration. Now that I am on the mend, I expect amnesty will end.

Flash, the writer of the comment, provided a very good list of behavioral improvements. I do wonder about the “We have sex more often.” After all, if he is locked in a chastity device one would expect there would be less sex, at least for him. Other than that item, I suspect that my behavior has improved much the same way. I await Mrs. Lion’s comment to validate or deny this.

The positive changes in his case as well as mine are the result of transferring power to our partners. In my case, when Mrs. Lion became a strict, disciplining wife, I did become less stressed and happier. She said I was on my best behavior. Apparently our life together has been improved by my spankings.

I suspect that in our case at least, Mrs. Lion is uncertain about my changes because of the radical way they were generated. She doesn’t appear to have fully assimilated the idea of punishing me as needed. I certainly don’t like it one bit when she does. But neither of us can deny the positive changes in both of us.

We’ve talked about my changes. She’s also changed as well. She lets me know when I do anything that upsets her. I believe she is finally letting me know what I have to do to avoid this. What’s more, she is enforcing it with her paddle. I never would have guessed, but I really need that. I also think she does too. It’s moving things to a new level for both of us. The results are amazingly positive. A few bruises on my butt are certainly a cheap price for all this goodness.

Yesterday there was a good example of these issues. Mrs. Lion reported in her post that she was angry I bought a ham after she told me we would have a turkey. Later, she realized that I got the ham because I know she loves ham. She wanted the turkey because she knows I don’t like ham. Some people responded to her post that I should be spanked for disobeying her instructions about turkey for dinner. Mrs. Lion correctly, in my opinion, decided I didn’t deserve punishment. As her husband, I changed the plan out of love for her. It wasn’t disobedience. It was love.

The second incident was later last night when she wanted to vacuum and expected me to take the dog into my office and then give her a nightly treat once the vacuuming was done. I wanted to give her the treat right away. I did. I don’t understand why I did that. I was confused about the vacuuming. I was disobedient. Here is an opportunity for better communication. Had Mrs. Lion said, “I told you that I will vacuum first and then you can give the dog her treat,” I would have been caught up by her correction.

Instead of that, she let me do what I started and got angry later. In our true DD relationship, the incentive is not to find ways to punish me. It’s to correct my behavior and train me to be much more aware of what is going on. Obedience has to be taught. This is an area of communication we need to work on. Because I’m sick, Mrs. Lion decided not to spank me for the dog incident.

So far our enforced chastity routines are unchanged. I expect a slight adjustment there too. I’ve observed that if I remain locked except when she is teasing me or there is a very good reason for me to be wild, I am calmer and happier. Apparently, it’s not a gift to leave me wild at any time. I’m surprised at that. I genuinely like the convenience of no cage.

Maybe that is all in my head. I need feedback from my lioness about that too. If she confirms that my mental state improves as a result of wearing a chastity device, then I expect I will be wearing it even more. When it is on or off is completely up to her. That’s as it should be.

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  1. Author

    You talk about your behavior changes from the enforced chasity and the DD, you also said you made a decision based off love in the relationship that you made a judgment call for mrs. lion without her telling you to do it and your decision didn’t end with a behavior correction spanking for disobeying, do you ever feel like in those situations that there is no power exchange that you are actually equal and a partnership that doesn’t revolve around the DD and enforced chasity, you did something for her cause she likes it could that be taken as you made a behavior correction for her in a simple way or was it selfish of you to go against her command to get the turkey? I’m just curious if at times those little moments and little activities kind of pause or stop the DD and enforced chasity and make it a more standardish I guess normal vanilla relationship if so do you ever think of it like that? And do you ever get to correct any behavior of mrs. Lion are there times where she might want you to point out if she has done something wrong or could work on something or does that go against it all?

    1. Author

      We do have a partnership. Our lives do not revolve around FLR, enforced chastity, or domestic discipline. I am not her child. We have a normal marriage. It would be very difficult for an outsider to know we were different at all from other couples. Real life domestic discipline is about authority and dealing with infractions. Had Mrs. Lion felt I defied her by buying a ham instead of a turkey, she would have punished me. She recognized I was doing something out of love.

      I realize that many guys think of DD and FLR the way the fantasies are written. But the fact is that I am her husband. Yes, she is in charge and has the right to make any decision for me she wishes. If I disobey, I am punished. Otherwise, we are a normal couple. It’s true that we are fairly new at this and I may get away with more than I should. But that will change in time.

      No, I never correct Mrs. Lion’s behavior. We talk all the time and I do tell her if something she has done upset me. I love her and help her any way I can.

  2. Author

    I would have considered buying the ham instead of turkey disobedience and you would have been corrected for it.I know that might sound harsh but obedience is the key to success as you seem to understand.I would probably not have punished you over the vacuuming confusion but would have counseled you and maybe given some corner time to reflect.The disobedience a woman really cares about is deliberate and defiant disobedience. That is the standard always used with my husband. Deliberate disobedience is punished severely. But I have compassion for his occasional mistakes or failures.

    1. Author

      How generous of you to allow for his humanity.

  3. Author

    There were a lot of points raised in this post, and the subsequent comments.

    – Ham versus turkey disobedience: regardless of whether Lion was in the “wrong” for disobeying, it’s clear that he was actively considering Mrs. Lion’s preferences above his own; perhaps that wouldn’t have been the case before the whole FLR and DD situation became the norm.

    – More than anything else, my wife and I have a partnership; thus was it always, and so shall it always be. Originally, I was the unchallenged dominant in the relationship, but I quickly found that trying to base our relationship on this model worked poorly, and decreased our overall happiness. Being partners with a 24×7 kink life seems to work better for us.

    – The changes to my personality after being in chastity for a while are subtle, but very real. I was raised in a rather formal environment, so many of the stumbling blocks that Lion finds (talking out of turn, eating before the hostess, etc.) have never applied to me. However, I – and especially my wife – find that I just naturally seem inclined to be more considerate and helpful in daily life: a cup of coffee for her first thing in the morning; track down her mislaid phone; little things like that. Somehow, being in chastity emphasizes the happiness I feel when she appreciates something I’ve done for her.

    – My wife is changing too, also in subtle ways. She’s more comfortable asking me directly to do things for her. She’s also become *much* more accustomed to having some nice relaxing oral sex in the morning. (As much as I love doing this for her, I’m noticing a slightly disturbing ramification: the more sexually satisfied she is, the less inclined she is to unlock me…)

    1. Author

      Like you, I was raised in a very polite society. I attended prep school and I know my manners. Generally I observe them in public. At home I have gotten sloppy. I welcome Mrs. Lion’s painful corrections. Eating first, like interrupting is disrespectful. There is no excuse for that.

  4. Author

    Another really interesting post.

    I thought I’d clarify about the “more sex” thing. My wife really likes PIV sex, and that is how she likes to come, with me inside her. When we had our little break and there was no cage or orgasm control then we would probably make love (PIV) about once every 8 to 9 days. With the orgasm control etc. we both seem more “turned on” more often, so if I am locked then I get unlocked and we make love (PIV) maybe once every three days or so. Obviously I don’t get to come, but she does. She normally lets me come about every 14 to 18 days.

    So I can promise you, there really is more sex for both of us when we are running the FLR!

    Our system is a little different I think. I am not locked all the time, how it normally works is that after she has let me come she tells me that I need to lock up. When she feels that my “mindset” is right again then she normally tells me to unlock. Sometimes it might be a few days, sometimes a week, sometimes longer. So sometimes I am wild when we have sex and other times I need to be unlocked and then locked again. If when I am unlocked she feels that my attention is not on her or whatever then she may well tell me to lock up.

    It works well for us, but of course every couple is different.

    Where I sometimes struggle, and – correct me if I’m wrong here – but I think you do too Lion, is with really letting go of control, what I mean is coming up with suggestions about what to do, how to run the FLR, giving feedback and so on. Obviously communication is important, but maybe I have gone on too much, and my wife finds that annoying. So we have just today started a new arrangement where I have to learn to really accept that my wife makes the rules and runs the FLR. This means that if my wife feels I am trying to top from the bottom then she’ll shut me down straight away and there will be a spanking.

    We have always had one day a week where I have to remind her if she has awarded swats that she hasn’t administered, and now we have said that on this day, and only this day, I can also ask if I can raise any issues I have about the FLR. We don’t know how it’s going to work, but I think it is the next step, where I really have to, deep down, hand control over to her and accept that we do what she thinks is best for the FLR, not me. (NB this is just about the FLR side of things, when it comes to life decisions about finances, children etc. then we decide things as a partnership still).

    I am a little worried how it is going to be to give up the control, but it feels like the right thing to do.

    Thanks again to you and Mrs Lion for offering such an informative and stimulating website!

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