Defining Sex For Me
One thing most any guy believes is that sex for him is complete when he ejaculates. Those of us practicing enforced chastity may have a very different idea. We don’t ejaculate most of the time we have sex. A small number of us ejaculate only a couple of times a year. Ejaculation is generally regarded as the major part of the male orgasm. “Ruined” orgasms, as some call them, are actual orgasms that occur prior to completion of ejaculation. More on that later.
By my reckoning, I am teased to the edge of orgasm about 25 times before I actually get to ejaculate. The real number is probably larger. But even with that ratio, I get to ejaculate 4 percent of the times I am at the edge. So 96 percent of my sexual experience does not include what we think of as an orgasm. Each of those non-ejaculatory experiences carries my strongest hope that this time I will get over the hill and ejaculate. That’s why it’s called edging.
Does that mean I feel frustrated 96 percent of the time? Do I really believe I will get to ejaculate each time I am edged? That would be crazy. I know full well that no matter how excited I get and how much I want this time to be the one, that I won’t be ejaculating. The truth is I like being edged. It’s the male equivalent of multiple orgasms. There is no refractory time between one edging and the next. When she gets going, Mrs. Lion can edge me six or eight times in a single minute.
A lot of guys like to pretend this isn’t fun. Of course it is. It’s amazing in its own way. To truly enjoy it, I have to stop believing the goal of sex for me is ejaculation. It’s not. For many guys, this new sex includes pleasuring their partners. It’s all about everything sexual except ejaculation. Can a man learn that ejaculation isn’t necessary for his sexual pleasure? I am sure he can. I can.
I love our edging sessions. On more than one occasion when Mrs. Lion let me ejaculate, I mentioned that I thought it was too soon. I think she considered me ungrateful for saying such a thing. I’m not. But I really love the repeated peaks I reach when edged over and over. She, and many other women, believe a male can’t have “complete” sex without ejaculation. We can.
Don’t get me wrong. I love to ejaculate too. But I think it is wrong to consider all those other experiences as something less. They’re not. They’re just different.
A Little Whine With Your Dinner?
Mrs. Lion put in hours and hours trying to clear dust away in my office and our bedroom. I’m hoping it will make the difference. Sadly, I can’t help. The very stuff I am allergic to gets kicked up during cleaning. A couple of years ago, I used the rug cleaner in our bedroom. I barely got done with the carpet when I had to use a rescue inhaler to breathe. I’m very grateful my lioness is willing to do all this work for my sake.
Until the itching skin, swollen eyes, stuffy nose, and sneezing stop, I can’t even begin to think about anything else. We did go out to dinner last night. That was fun and a welcome relief from the allergies. I also had physical therapy today that included a visit from my surgeon. I’m happy to report that I am making good progress with my shoulder. It’s been six months since the surgery. I’m just up to exercise with a two-pound weight. It will be another six months before I will be anywhere near normal again.
As you might imagine, sex is the last thing on my mind. I am also completely uninterested in being spanked. I am working very hard to avoid breaking any rules. So, for now I am out of commission. However, after Mrs. Lion doing a thorough cleaning and the dog getting a bath, I could be much improved tomorrow.
If so, I may have a much more interesting post tomorrow.
Allergic Lion
Lion is miserable. His allergies are really bothering him. He’s stuffy and his eyes are red. Very sexy. He says he wants me to continue with my control despite what he feels like. Well, sure. The rules are still in effect. He’s been abiding by them. I’m not sure I’d punish him at this point, but I’d add any infractions to a list for when he feels better.
After I write this post I’m off to clean the house to see if I can’t find whatever might be aggravating Lion’s allergies. The dog is the biggest culprit and she’ll get a bath tomorrow. I’ve vacuumed but it’s been a while since I did a deeper cleaning. If I can help Lion feel better then things can get back to normal around here.
As we watched TV last night, I was thinking how strange it felt not to play. I know there have been nights we didn’t play because one or both of us didn’t feel well. I’m not sure why it felt any different last night. Maybe it was because of a recent renewed commitment to play every night. Or at least let Lion know if we’d play or not and perhaps a time frame for the play. And now it was weird not to play. I’m not sure.
He still apologizes for coughing or sneezing or grumbling because he doesn’t feel well. I keep telling him there’s no need to apologize. I just want him to feel better. It’s my job to take care of him. Maybe I should be apologizing to him because I didn’t do my job. I don’t clean enough around here to keep his allergies at bay. So maybe along with the renewed commitment to play every night, I need to renew my commitment to keep the house cleaner so we can avoid Lion’s allergies.
Love First, Kink Second
As Mrs. Lion reported, my allergies have been giving me trouble. That means I itch, sneeze, and my nose runs. It drains my energy as well. That’s caused her to cancel some plans for me. I don’t think the current bout of allergies is going away very soon, so I’ve asked her to disregard them, at least to some extent.
My ability to think sexy thoughts about our power exchange is also compromised by these symptoms. It’s hard to even think about being hard with a stuffy nose. I’ve been going through Allegra pills like M&M’s.
Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday touched on the depth of our relationship. That reminded me of how difficult it is for people to find a relationship that includes a power exchange. Over the years I’ve seen quite a few people search for partners based on BDSM role. How many men and women have you seen searching for the perfect submissive or dominant? I’ve seen way too many.
If you make a list of the qualities you want in a partner in priority order, you can get some sense of what I mean. One woman who writes extensively online gave her list. The top of the list was he: Must be submissive, younger than me, taller than me, be willing to serve me in many ways (too many to list here).
There’s a huge problem with this approach: None of those attributes has anything to do with a relationship. They are all about either physical characteristics or power exchange details. Years ago, in an organization I belonged to, my friends and I would observe men and women on a quest for a partner who shared D/S interests with them. Their requirements were very similar to the ones I mentioned. Invariably, when they succeeded in finding a match, the relationship ended in less than a year.
It isn’t that it is wrong to seek someone with matching interests. It’s just that a human relationship is multi-dimensional; sexual/role characteristics represent a small part. I realize that many of the people seeking the perfect submissive realize that. But they can be blinded with the desperate need to scratch that itch and may be willing to disregard the classic partner requirements just to experience that role they crave.
It makes me sad when I see that. While I understand that deep need to experience kinky roles. Mrs. Lion saw how unhappy I was without “play”. But I had/have so much more. We are best friends. We want to be together regardless of power exchanges. We are in love. We knew that before we established roles.
I have seen couples who, like us, maintain power exchanges and remain together for many years. Invariably, they met and fell in love without particular attention to roles. Yes, they did play from the start, but they spent the vast majority of their time just being together.
I mention all this because I truly want other kinky people to find lifelong partners the way we did. Just one lion’s opinion.
