Love First, Kink Second

As Mrs. Lion reported, my allergies have been giving me trouble. That means I itch, sneeze, and my nose runs. It drains my energy as well. That’s caused her to cancel some plans for me. I don’t think the current bout of allergies is going away very soon, so I’ve asked her to disregard them, at least to some extent.

My ability to think sexy thoughts about our power exchange is also compromised by these symptoms. It’s hard to even think about being hard with a stuffy nose. I’ve been going through Allegra pills like M&M’s.

Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday touched on the depth of our relationship. That reminded me of how difficult it is for people to find a relationship that includes a power exchange. Over the years I’ve seen quite a few  people search for partners based on BDSM role. How many men and women have you seen searching for the perfect submissive or dominant? I’ve seen way too many.

If you make a list of the qualities you want in a partner in priority order,  you can get some sense of what I mean. One woman who writes extensively online gave her list. The top of the list was he: Must be submissive, younger than me, taller than me, be willing to serve me in many ways (too many to list here).

There’s a huge problem with this approach: None of those attributes has anything to do with a relationship. They are all about either physical characteristics or power exchange details. Years ago, in an organization I belonged to, my friends and I would observe men and women on a quest for a partner who shared D/S interests with them. Their requirements were very similar to the ones I mentioned. Invariably, when they succeeded in finding a match, the relationship ended in less than a year.

It isn’t that it is wrong to seek someone with matching interests. It’s just that a human relationship is multi-dimensional; sexual/role characteristics represent a small part. I realize that many of the people seeking the perfect submissive realize that. But they can be blinded with the desperate need to scratch that itch and may be willing to disregard the classic partner requirements just to experience that role they crave.

It makes me sad when I see that. While I understand that deep need to experience kinky roles. Mrs. Lion saw how unhappy I was without “play”. But I had/have so much more. We are best friends. We want to be together regardless of power exchanges. We are in love. We knew that before we established roles.

I have seen couples who, like us, maintain power exchanges and remain together for many years. Invariably, they met and fell in love without particular attention to roles. Yes, they did play from the start, but they spent the vast majority of their time just being together.

I mention all this because I truly want other kinky people to find lifelong partners the way we did. Just one lion’s opinion.

1 Comment

  1. Author

    Yup, that’s the way it works best!

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