By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

Lately, Mrs. Lion and I have discussed our individual approaches to forced male chastity. If you regularly read here, you will have seen much of our conversations. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to roles and rules. In my experience as a top, I know that much of what happens with a bottom is more the wishes of the bottom than the top’s. I think this is generally true in the BDSM world. The reason for this is pretty simple: the bottom expresses his or her desires to the top. The top reviews this and adds his or her own personal interests. This is negotiation. I have never played with a new partner without sufficient negotiation to have a very good idea what each of our expectations are. This flies in the face of the standard fantasies where the  “dom” simply forces the “sub” to obey and endure whatever he wants to dish out.

Negotiation is not a script. It just allows each person to talk about what they like or would like and what they do or don’t expect. One reason that sessions in BDSM are called “scenes” is that there is the theatrical element of scripting involved at some level. Even in a lifestyle situation with a full time master and slave, negotiation is critical. I “owned” a slave for ten years. She unconditionally surrendered to me. If I told her to quit her job, she would. This is a role she cherished. However, the reality under this was our relationship. If she were a true slave, simply property, she would never get into my bed or go out to dinner with me. She would be another appliance. The reality was we lived together and both of us worked to please one another. What does this have to do with forced male chastity?

The answer is that many of us caged males make some very unreasonable requests of our keyholders. Mrs. Lion is my wife. I lover her with all my heart. She feels the same toward me. She is my keyholder because she knows being caged is something I want. Since she is doing it for me, she wants me to enjoy it as much as possible. In the meantime I want her to take charge and make decisions that govern my sexual activity. She wants to make those decisions in a way that meet my wishes/fantasy. You can see the problem. I want her to be in control. She is willing to take control but wants the control she exercises to meet my expectations. Effectively, that puts me in charge.

This paradox can cause a lot of problems. Both of us want things to work for one another, yet this desire creates anxiety and concern. Since I have a lot of experience in the BDSM world, I understand the challenge. It doesn’t make it easier to manage, but at least I am not going into depression because I don’t get my male chastity fantasy just the way I want it.

There is a solution: feedback. As a caged male, I have to understand that I can not spend 100% of my life as my keyholder’s bottom. Even in matters of chastity I must take an active role to assure that Mrs. Lion has a rewarding experience as my keyholder. I know that her happiness with our chastity activities depends on how she feels about the quality of topping she is giving me. The only way she can be sure that she is doing the “right” thing is to find out from me. See the challenge? I have to go out of my role as her caged male/bottom and provide her with feedback about our activities.

For example, on Thursday she worried that she gave me an orgasm too soon and that I really wanted her to make me wait more. Because she expressed that concern here, I was able to assure her that I am very happy with her decision. The only way she, or any other keyholder, can build confidence is to get regular, positive feedback. What if my response was that I was disappointed she didn’t make me wait a month? Well, she got some information: I want more lockup time. She also has a new option. She can make me get what I wished for, except since she is the top, she would make me wait two months instead of one This way she has taken and acted on feedback and at the same time asserted her control by giving me more than I bargained for.

For the record, I am not saying I want to be locked up a month or more. I am just demonstrating that a top/keyholder doesn’t lose authority by taking and acting on feedback. As a top, the key is to take the feedback, twist it just enough to make it “interesting” for the bottom and act on it.

Many caged males need to experience what they ask for before they learn that they are better off allowing their keyholders to make the decisions and not be bound by their fantasies. Being a keyholder, or a top for that matter, is very much a parent role. The authority model is the same and the expectations of the grown up “child” are pretty similar to the real child. The caged male is probably looking for a combination of loving authority and stern discipline. How far into day-to-day life this parent role extends is an individual matter. But with forced male chastity, the minimum is sexual control and control over the use of his penis.

Being a keyholder or a caged male are roles that take time to develop. Allow yourselves the time to fit into your role in a comfortable, fun way. After all, this is supposed to be fun for both keyholder and male; for the male, at least some of the time. 🙂

By:
In: Lion's Journal
sleeping lions
We both seem to have lower sexual energy levels. One reason may be the amount of traveling we have been doing.

We were away for a few days, in the middle of nowhere, with no cell or internet service readily available. It was just as well. I didn’t have anything to write about anyway. I played with Lion a few times but I guess neither of us were really into it. Even last night. I was tired from driving. Although, from his post this morning, Lion was ready for anything. Or so he said.

In practice, he didn’t seem very horny. I asked him about it. By day five he should be tree-humping horny. I edged him a few times and he said he thought he had a ruined orgasm. I didn’t think so but anything is possible. Then he said he was horny again. Oh well. Too bad. No orgasm for you. I’ve decided to wait till he actually appears to want it. And then make him wait a little longer. Unless, of course, I want his orgasm before he really wants it. Then I’ll just take it.

At first I was a little worried that we haven’t been more active lately. But then the more I thought about it, I’m actually glad we’re both in the same boat. It would be far more difficult if he were raring to go and I didn’t feel like it. It would be far less likely that I would be raring to go and he didn’t feel like it. But that happened a few times when I was giving him an orgasm every night. I think our lull is a combination of the heat we had a while ago and the fact that we’re travelling a lot. At least I hope that’s what it is. Maybe a few good nights of sleep and we’ll be back in action.

One other possibility is that I psyched myself out by giving him a goal of the bigger butt plug. I knew it would require more of my attention. Perhaps my mind said, “Nope. Sorry. Uh-uh. Let’s just back way the heck off for a bit.” I was fairly stressed last week between the two jobs and getting ready to go away. So now I’m working on getting myself psyched back up for his goal. It doesn’t take that long to shove a butt plug in and let nature take its course. He has to start out slow anyway.

I am still interested in using his mini weenie on him, though. Maybe this weekend. I’m excited to see him screw himself.

By:
In: Lion's Journal
lion penis in cage
The shortened cage keeps the head of my penis pressed against the front of the cage. My urethra stays nicely centered so peeing standing up is easy.

(Tuesday, July 15,  2014) I just learned after reading Mrs. Lion’s post for today, that I will get an orgasm tonight. How nice! In case you wondered, I frequently find out what is in store for me at the same time you do. In this case it was a combination of good news / bad news. I am delighted that I will be able to come tonight. What fun! The bad news, well not really bad since I like this stuff, is that she will be plugging me at times I will be walking around. That will be interesting I think.

I am surprised that just reading her post can completely change my mood. Up until I read it, I was feeling mellow and not particularly horny. Now I can hardly wait to feel her touch. This morning I was thinking how odd it was that I am four days in and not feeling frisky. Part of it could be that we haven’t really done any teasing since my last orgasm, more of it I suspect, is that I have been tired since this past weekend. So, when I started feeling that old “I need to get off” feeling after reading her post, I realized that I was sort of dormant. I had been wondering if my lack of desire could have been due to more than just being tired. Nope. It was just being tired. I’m not tired today and my afternoon reading has definitely gotten me ready for the rodeo.

Last night Mrs. Lion made good on her most recent goal for me. I spent about two hours with the large (not giant 2.0), NJoy plug inside me. Getting it in was painful at first. I suspect it was due to lube not getting where it needed to be. The second attempt was smooth. This plug weighs about one pound. I didn’t really notice the weight, but I am very sure that the three pound 2.0 will be very apparent. I’m not sure that these plugs will provide the stretching needed to accept Mrs. Lion’s hand. Once in, the plug has a very narrow neck so my anus is allowed to return to nearly normal size. We may need to work with dildo’s which will keep me open and stretched. Anal training tends to be intense and, for me at least, not erotic while it is going on. However, sitting here and writing about it, I can feel a little chubby in my cage.

Speaking of cages, I have had this new, shortened one on for three days now without coming off. I miss the opportunity to get hard, but I am not suffering any irritation or discomfort. Even better, my urethra stays centered in the square opening in the cage, so peeing standing up requires no special adjustments. Since

lion penis in new, shorter catge
The shortened cage doesn’t clear my balls. This is good for making it invisible under clothes, but I need to make sure my balls are out of the way when I pee.

the cage is so short, the head of my penis doesn’t clear my balls, so I need to make sure they are out of the way before I pee. The cage looks impossibly small. I found it hard to believe I would be comfortable in it. It feels fine. I suspect that most cages are ordered too long with the mistaken idea that a short cage will hurt or won’t accept the entire penis. As it turns out, the flaccid penis is very flexible and on its own it will change length over the course of a day. By assuring the cage is a little shorter (1/4 to 1/2 inch) than the penis at its normal shortest, the cage will always stay in contact with the entire penis, including the head.

This is important for a couple of reasons: The tighter fit will prevent the base ring from rotating and will assure that the urethra stays centered, and any attempt to get hard won’t even get a chance to apply much pressure on the cage. I don’t really feel the cage at all during the day or when I sleep. I also don’t feel it if I try to get hard in my sleep. Many men are awakened by nocturnal erections due to changes in sensation inside the cage. I’m not because the cage is always hugging me.

skink forced over penis
You can see that my skin is forced up to the head (circled area). This and the cage pressing my penis against my scrotum shields my sensitive spot under the head from stimulation.

I mentioned that I haven’t been out of the cage since my last orgasm. Mrs. Lion has teased me a little through the cage. While she was teasing me I didn’t get chubby, but a few minutes after she stopped I did. I can’t explain this. I don’t think it is a result of the new length, but I think that the shorter cage “hides” my most sensitive spot under the head so that it isn’t accessible through the cage. I think skin is pushed up over it. I’ve also noticed that when I wash in the shower I no longer get stimulated by the shower massage. With the longer cage I would almost always get a chubby from the pulsing water. Now I don’t react at all. As a circumcised male, that sensitive area is generally exposed, but the shorter cage creates a synthetic foreskin by pushing loose skin up nearer the head. This does a very good job of preventing unauthorized stimulation.

My motive for ordering the shorter cage was to keep my urethra centered so I could pee standing up. I did worry that it might be too short. When I did a very careful measurement, being sure not to press the ruler into my scrotum at all, my flaccid penis did, in fact, measure only 1 1/2″ at its shortest. I ordered my Jail Bird cage shortened to 1 1/4″. That is really short. When it arrived, I was sure I made a mistake. Was it my male ego? Perhaps. But now that I have had a chance to live in this device for over a week, I am convinced that shorter is better.

By:
In: Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex
njoy 2.0
The NJoy 2.0 is the largest NJoy butt plug. It measures 2 inches in diameter and weighs 3 lbs. Mrs. Lion has set accepting and holding this as a goal. When i do it, I get an orgasm as a reward.

Mrs. Lion is full of surprises. Over the last few months she mentioned anal training a few times and, in fact, had me hold the NJoy large plug for up to three hours. However, we only did this twice. Yesterday, she announced here that my next goal will be to accept the NJoy giant plug. It really is very big. The current plug, large is about 1 1/2″ in diameter at the widest point. The giant one is the NJoy Pure Plug 2.0. It’s a full 2″ in diameter and weighs three pounds. It’s a lot to take! She also wrote that when I finally accept it, I will get an orgasm as a reward. How nice!

Apparently, this is only the first act. Her goal is to fist me — insert her entire hand past her wrist in my ass. She’s tried this before. It gets too painful for me to continue at about four fingers to the second knuckle. She’s measured her hand and believes it is just under three inches across. So, it will be a full inch wider than the giant NJoy.

There may be some issues of technique as well. To her credit, Mrs. Lion likes to go in “bareback,” just her naked hand going up there. From my reading and attending workshops, I think it might be easier if she wore a glove. It offers a smoother, easier-to-lubricate surface and protects from bacterial transmission from her hand to my body. I think once she has gotten me used to her hand, she can probably take off the gloves, so to speak.

Anal play is a very interesting part of my chastity experience. For one thing, it is easy to do without taking off my cage. It is a unique combination of discomfort and erotic. Most of all, it is an unmistakable message about who is in control. Plugs are a very good way to train me to accept objects anally. They require little effort on Mrs. Lion’s part and will, over time, teach me to accept large dildos and her hand. Perhaps she will also consider pegging. I remember that in a previous post she discussed using the mini-mold of my penis and larger dildos in our collection in me. Time will tell.

My experience with anal dildos has taught me that I can generally accept one if introduced with lots of lube and inserted slowly. It is more difficult to handle the dildo being moved in and out, and most difficult when Mrs. Lion removes it entirely, allowing my asshole to close, and then quickly pushing it back in. I think that if she consistently does this with me, it will get easier for me to handle.

If you’ve never considered anal play with a man, you may wonder why he would want this. Some men can actually have an anal orgasm. There are a  lot of sensitive nerve endings back there. Many women learn to come this way. For me, it’s uncomfortable and up to now, not erotic while I am penetrated. But, like spanking, it’s a giant turn on to know that Mrs. Lion will do this to me even if I don’t like it at the time.

The bottom line in forced male chastity is control. For me, anal penetration is an uncomfortable and powerful control message. It is very exciting to think that I will present my ass for Mrs. Lion’s penetration. I guess that for me anal play is one more power exchange that I love to hate.