The Land Of Lost Toys

jockstrap with points
This is the leather prickly jock that now lives in the Land of Lost Toys.

I’m very lucky. Santa brought me many early gifts this Christmas. Well, I ordered most of them for myself. Mrs. Lion suggested some, and others just looked interesting. For some reason, new toys seem exciting when we order them, and after they arrive, they disappear into the Land of Lost Toys.

One recent example is my spiked jockstrap. It languished for a week or two after it arrived. I noticed it sitting on a box in our bedroom. I asked Mrs. Lion to try it. She strapped me into it and I spent about an hour watching TV with the little spikes prickling my tender area. After it came off, it disappeared into the Land of Lost Toys. That jockstrap was one of the lucky toys. It was used once.

Mrs. Lion noticed a fairly large vibrating butt plug on sale from Extreme Restraints. I ordered it and it arrived about a week ago. It went immediately to the Land of Lost Toys. [Mrs. Lion– It, along with a finger vibrator I bought, needed to be charged. And we’ve been concentrating on our oral play for most of the week. They are ready to go when I’m done with my oral torture.] On Thursday, a rather daunting, large butt plug arrived from another dealer. I unpacked it and showed it to Mrs. Lion. Currently, it’s sitting on our kitchen table. [Mrs. Lion — Actually it’s right beside me on my desk.] I expect it will join its friends in the Land of Lost Toys.

I could go on and on about other toys that we never used. In fact, we have a large trunk filled with them. You’d think that we would stop wasting money on toys that never find their way into our sex life. I guess I’m like a little kid; ever hopeful wishing for the next shiny object. The objects that attract me, and to a lesser extent Mrs. Lion, tend to be uncomfortable if they are ever used. I’m picturing that large butt plug as I write this. That will certainly be uncomfortable as it travels in and out. Of course, there’s a very good chance it may never visit my nether regions.

Another lost toy that never touched my body is a spiked pouch, similar to the jockstrap, but instead of fastening around my waist it straps on like a cock ring. I’ve been aware of these prickly toys for many years. I never seriously wanted to experience them until recently. I have no idea what made me decide it would be a good idea to let Mrs. Lion have these new ways to make me uncomfortable. I just thought she would enjoy seeing me struggle with them.

Spiked pouch

Those particular lost toys are notable because, unlike every other toy we’ve bought, I am the source of my own discomfort. Everything else, from Icy Hot to butt-busting plugs and dildos require Mrs. Lion’s direct management. Perhaps she doesn’t like toys that she can’t enjoy along with me. More realistically, perhaps she just doesn’t enjoy playing with toys.

You might wonder why I am claiming that Mrs. Lion is the one who sends toys to the Land of Lost Toys. That’s because it isn’t particularly sensible for me to suggest she use toys that I know I won’t enjoy. One of the reasons I think that I like to buy devices that I won’t enjoy being used, is that I imagine Mrs. Lion will enjoy watching me suffer through something I discovered and ordered. It’s just another example of me being the architect of my own demise.

All this could be explained as an example of “out of sight out of mind”. It could be that Mrs. Lion doesn’t think about what she will do to or with me. She likes to be spontaneous. Of course, the downside of that is new things tend to be forgotten. I do wonder what that vibrating butt plug we ordered feels like. Will it stimulate my prostate? If it does, what happens?

Over the years, we’ve had a lot of discussions about things Mrs. Lion might try to improve her memory and the variety of things we do. I’m not complaining. Over the last week or so, Mrs. Lion has been focusing on using her mouth. It feels amazing! I am absolutely delighted and would be very happy if this continues forever. Sooner or later I will ejaculate. For now, I am absolutely delighted with the sensations she delivers.

Having said that, I realize that we don’t get around (well, it isn’t exactly “we”) to doing sexual things until 9 or 10 PM. At that point, both of us are getting tired and the thought of doing more than the basics seems unreasonable. If you’ve been following our lives for long, you know we continuously resolve to move sex earlier in the day so that we will have more energy to do stuff.

These resolutions don’t seem to do much good. Similarly, Mrs. Lion has resolved to try various memory aids. We have a house full of smart speakers. There is at least one in every room. These devices, Amazon Echoes in our case, are perfectly capable of storing reminders and delivering them on time. I’ve suggested Mrs. Lion consider taking a few minutes and recording a bunch of reminders for various activities.

For example, “Alexa, at 8:30 PM remind me to lock Lion into his spiked jockstrap.” This is no guarantee she will actually do it, but it is a concrete, written-in-the-ether message that will, hopefully be translated into action.

On weeknights, Mrs. Lion takes her shower after Jeopardy. On nights that she does some sort of play, she generally starts it almost immediately after she gets dried off. If she spends any amount of time on the bed playing with her iPad, chances are very good she won’t think of playing. By 10 PM she may decide to tease me, but she will be too tired to consider using any toys.

It’s too bad there isn’t a kinky “Toys for Tots” (grown-up tots, of course) that accepts new, unused toys. At one point, a few years ago, we donated more than $1000 worth of toys to a local BDSM/sex organization. They happily received them. There was no follow-up; not even a thank-you email. Too bad. We were prepared to give them even more.

Maybe we should just face the fact that we don’t use toys. I don’t think either of us wants to admit that. We are spending a lot of money to needlessly increase the population of the Island of Lost Toys. It feels uncomfortable to make that choice. I enjoy visualizing a new toy in use and then ordering it. I like when it arrives and it’s fun to unpack. I’m a little disappointed we don’t use it right away. After a while, I forget that we even bought it.

I wonder if we aren’t getting into a very kinky rut. Certainly, there’s comfort in habit. Based on our experience, when we stop experimenting, a lot of the fun drains out of our lives. For example, when Mrs. Lion was doing anal training on me every night, everything seemed a little brighter and more fun. The intimacy and sharing the play provided, extended into all aspects of our relationship. When the training stopped earlier this week, it felt like things went back to the lower-energy, less-dynamic relationship mode.

When I was a kid, my parents sent me to sleep-away camp. The camp director always started each summer with a little pep talk. The theme was a simple aphorism: “You only get out of something what you put into it.” It seems odd that spending 20 minutes working various objects in and out of my ass would be input for a happier marriage, but it is. Even painful spankings given as punishment provide energy that charges the emotional and psychic battery that Mrs. Lion and I share.

I think this is a significant realization. Some of our readers have wondered why we would engage in such unpleasant activities. Is Mrs. Lion a closet sadist who enjoys bruising my rear end? She isn’t. The very act of observing and punishing behavioral problems is extremely intimate. I am accepting very painful punishment without complaint. Mrs. Lion is taking the giant risk of alienating me by hurting me when she spanks me. This is a kind of emotional polarity that causes current to flow between us. The current is extremely pleasant and positive.

To a lesser extent, our play activities work the same way. We’ve discovered that our BDSM play and our domestic discipline energize us to be more loving and relate more directly. I don’t know if she’s noticed, but when Mrs. Lion is actively enforcing rules or practicing some consistent play, she spends less time playing with her iPad and more time relating directly to me. We become much more active doing normal couple things when we regularly practice domestic discipline and BDSM play. [Mrs. Lion–Or, am I consciously spending less time on my iPad in order to spend more time relating directly to Lion? Hmmm?]

By extension, each time we send a toy to the Land of Lost Toys, we lose a little bit of the energy using that toy would have given us. I can’t explain it, but being locked into a spiked jockstrap, pegged by a large butt plug, or spanked until I’m bruised, improves our intimacy and brings us closer. During times when we stop sending new emigrants to the Land of Lost Toys and actively play or punish, our lives are better.