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In: Domestic discipline, Male Chastity

Mrs. Lion read the post I wrote yesterday, “Sex For Us May Have Nothing To Do With Orgasms.” She said, “I wouldn’t make you have sex if you didn’t want it.” Good point. Case closed. In my warped mind, it seemed that the orgasm would be fun regardless of sexual interest. I was being insensitive and selfish.

The simple fact is that I’m very lucky Mrs. Lion is willing to get me off. I’m sure she would be happier if I stopped wanting release. Maybe that’s the considerate thing to do. She does so much for me, and I’m sure that if we took sex off the table, it might make her life easier.

Male chastity and domestic discipline were both my ideas. It’s work for her to keep them alive. Looking back over the last ten years of our posts, much of my time was spent justifying my need for them. I visited other DD and male chastity blogs to see how other guys talked about their lives. Most of them dwell on discussions about justifying their need for the practices.

It may be that this focus repels female readers. Maybe if we took a more realistic approach to what we want, we would get a better response from women. I don’t want to generalize my thoughts to all guys. I want to talk about a realistic view of my situation.

Male chastity and domestic discipline are games I asked Mrs. Lion to play. Male chastity is a very hot sex game. I find it very arousing to know that I can’t ejaculate whenever I want. It’s super hot to me that my wife has total control of when or if I can orgasm. It is fun for me. Wearing a male chastity device is a huge turn-on because it is a 24/7 reminder that my penis is controlled by Mrs. Lion. There was nothing in it for her beyond the enjoyment of giving me so much pleasure.

Domestic discipline is a subject that evokes strong feelings in many guys who practice it. They vociferously assert that their disciplinary marriages benefit greatly because their wives can spank them. That may be true for them, but not for us. It’s true that I’m punished for breaking the rules that Mrs. Lion makes. These rules pertain to things I should do, like setting up the coffee pot for the next morning or sending a daily email.

Yes, those are things that make our lives run more smoothly, but failing to do them doesn’t threaten my safety or Mrs. Lion’s happiness. No one in his right mind would agree that a ten-minute beating with a wooden paddle is the appropriate response for failing to set up the coffee pot. I’ve yet to learn of a wife who proposed spanking her husband as a way to rescue her marriage.

There’s no disputing that domestic discipline has helped me change. The changes are small with little emotional value. That doesn’t mean they’re unimportant. I recognize that by doing my chores and thinking twice before saying something annoying, I’m helping our relationship. Punishing me has helped me make those changes. Mrs. Lion could have helped me change in less drastic ways.

The obvious truth is that I have a sexual connection to being spanked. No, I don’t get aroused when my bottom is paddled. I hate it when Mrs. Lion spanks me. After the pain subsides, I find it arousing to think and write about being spanked. I don’t know why I feel this way; I just do. Domestic discipline is a useful framework for this need and the “catch and spank” game we play.

I suspect that many people believe that calling something a game trivializes it. I disagree. War is a game. It has winners and losers. Games can be deadly serious. Games can also be useful. Male chastity trained me not to masturbate. The last time I jerked off was in 2013. Mrs. Lion’s strict orgasm control conditioned me away from self-gratification. It worked. And it is a game.

The same is true of domestic discipline. It’s a game with consequences for me. That’s what I wanted. I asked Mrs. Lion to make and enforce rules. She agreed. It was my idea and she agreed to play. It turns out that she likes catching me breaking a rule. It’s a sort of cat-and-mouse game for her. She gets nothing out of spanking me. To her, it’s just something that goes with the game. Over time she’s learned to spank me without feeling guilty for hurting me.

The bottom line is that Mrs. Lion benefits from all the work these games create simply because playing them makes me happier. She loves me and wants me to be happy. I’m incredibly lucky she feels this way.

By:
In: Domestic discipline

We cooked our beef shoulder roast sous vide for ten hours overnight on Saturday. Mrs. Lion put it in the refrigerator until an hour before dinner on Sunday. I’m sorry to report that the meat was still very tough. We are going to return it to the sous vide today (Monday)  for several hours and try again. This time we’ll increase the temperature from 140o F to 145o F. The meat was pale pink at 140o.

We are still planning on sous vide turkey for Thanksgiving. The instructions for prepping the turkey seem complex but are really fairly simple. In past years, we roasted a turkey breast and then removed it whole from the bone before slicing. It’s easy surgery. The trick is to get the timing right. There are two approaches. The first is to put a probe thermometer in the meat and monitor the temperature. The second is to use a chart created by several sous vide experts. I haven’t decided which approach would be best for us. We may just put the turkey in (145o F yields the same texture as a perfectly roasted bird) for six or seven hours. That should be more than enough. That’s the good thing about sous vide; extra cook time won’t affect the food.

behavioral health coverage

My health insurance coverage open enrollment window is now open. I just got an email about my behavioral health coverage. That got me thinking. I already have in-house behavioral health coverage: Mrs. Lion’s program. As you probably know, her program is simple, inexpensive, and effective.

My policy offers comprehensive behavioral improvement benefits. I receive regular assessments during which behavioral standards are reviewed. Corrections are provided at no extra cost. Close personal attention is a feature of this coverage. One important feature is that this policy includes unlimited corrections at no extra cost.

Preexisting conditions are given attention at no extra cost. Mrs. Lion’s behavioral health policy is comprehensive with no options available. Subscribers are advised to take care when sitting after a correction.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, Spanking

Most of life is experienced in the past tense. I get aroused remembering things I’ve experienced, seen, or read. This is particularly true of spanking. Anticipating or remembering a spanking is a turn-on. Experiencing it isn’t. We seem to be programmed to be fueled by the past.

This makes sense. Survival can hinge on remembered experience. Living in the present can be extremely dangerous. For example, we avoid getting too close to the edge of a deep hole because we “know” (remember what we’ve seen or read) that falling would threaten our survival. Similarly, we (males, anyway) go to ridiculous extremes to get women to have sex with us.  Why? Because we remember how good it feels to fuck.

Obvious. Right? Well, not so much. When Mrs. Lion spanks me, she straps me to the spanking bench and spends at least ten minutes paddling my bottom. It hurts, and I want her to stop. Yet, when I remember being spanked, I get sexually aroused. I didn’t get aroused at all when she spanked me. I hated the experience. If I avoid getting too close to the edge of a cliff because I remember that it is a bad experience for people I’ve seen on TV or read about, why do I get turned on thinking about being hurt by Mrs. Lion’s paddles?

It’s even weirder than that. Even though thinking about being spanked turns me on, I avoid the behaviors that earned me the punishment. I actively avoid being punished. I want sex because remembering how it feels to get off is compelling.  Like most people, I’ve spent my life wanting sex. I get the same feeling of arousal thinking about being spanked, yet I work hard to avoid a spanking.

It doesn’t stop there. If Mrs. Lion lets me know that I’m going to be spanked, I get aroused. Wait! Haven’t I been trying to avoid a spanking? Anticipating a spanking turns me on. Being spanked is horrible.

Get out the straight jacket.

One explanation of this apparent contradiction is that while I hate being spanked, I like that Mrs. Lion can spank me whenever she wants. It’s a strong example of her control, and being submissive that way turns me on.

Could that be it? Is that why I get turned on at the memory or prospect of a painful spanking?

Makes sense. It fits with my general sexual outlook. Be careful. Wanting to be sexually submissive isn’t the same as being passive. I’m generally anything but passive. In most things, I’m a dominant personality. But sexually…

I’m not that unusual. In study after study, more than eighty percent of both men and women have spanking fantasies. Virtually all of them are about being spanked. They are sexual fantasies. The people who have these fantasies don’t identify themselves as sexually submissive. I don’t consider myself sexually submissive. I’m a switch. I’m happy being on the other side of the paddle too.

no wonder shrinks are crazy

We could dissect the desire to be spanked a little more. Exposing my bare bottom is obviously sexual. So is having a woman pay close attention to that naked part of me. She’s very close to my naughty bits. Couple that with childhood fantasies/experiences with bare-bottom spankings and throw in a little parental lust for good measure, and it s easy to see why so many people fantasize about being spanked.

Many people who want to be spanked don’t want to believe there is a sexual reason for their desire. They have other, perfectly good reasons why they want to be paddled or strapped. Domestic discipline, for example, rationalizes adult spanking around the concept that punishment spankings will cure behavioral problems.

As I’ve learned, spanking, when consistently applied, will change my behavior. The behavioral changes I’ve made are rather trivial. I don’t often get food on my shirt. When I do, I get spanked. I also usually remember to set up the coffee pot for the next morning. Same reason. I was very forgetful and messy before Mrs.Lion started punishing me.

From what I’ve read, domestic discipline isn’t very successful at curing more serious problems like drinking too much or gambling. If consistently applied, it will help with diet and exercise. Reports are mixed on its value in changing arrogance and rudeness.

There may be some benefits for the spanker in domestic discipline. Even if the behavior isn’t effectively extinguished, punishing the offense can produce a feeling of retribution. If I’m thoughtless and annoy Mrs. Lion, she can feel that she let me know how badly my behavior affected her. There’s value in that.

Some men can’t admit that there is a deep, sexual basis for their desire to be spanked. They get offended if it’s suggested that sex has any part in their desire to be spanked. However, they are very specific about how they are willing to be punished. They say they want their wives to discipline them to help correct behavioral problems. I believe that’s true. But, they specify how their wives can do it. You guessed it. Spanking.

They don’t want to be put to bed early or given writing assignments. They don’t want the car keys taken away. They want their bare bottoms roasted. More than punishment is behind their request for domestic discipline.

I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that. If a deep-seated sexual need makes us accept punishment, it’s helping the disciplinary process we want. I think that most of our wives understand the sexual connection we make with spanking. It may be why they agreed to spank us in the first place.

The bottom line is that we are complex creatures. We can have multiple conflicting motivations for what we do. Spanking, particularly disciplinary spanking, is a prime example of this.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, Male Chastity

I did it again. I sent Mrs. Lion her daily email a few minutes after noon. She replied:

Ooooo so sorry, but you’re 11 minutes late with your email. Yes, for once I was watching. I guess you have sore buns in your future 😁

KISS

Today (Friday) is the first day that I’m pain free when I sit down. Yes, I have it coming. I’m glad that Mrs. Lion is on the ball. I guess the new focus on communication–verbal and with Mrs. Lion’s paddles–is working. This is good news for both of us. I think there’s a lesson in this. The old saw about use it or lose it applies when it comes to male chastity and domestic discipline. Neither is a natural part of a marriage. They’re both interesting kinks.

I’ve been thinking about this in terms of domestic discipline. If there were a tradition of wives spanking husbands that went back for generations, there would be no need for “Just Because” spankings or other artificial reasons to get out the paddles. We would have learned from our parents that domestic discipline is a normal part of life. The Christian sects that follow domestic discipline (wives are spanked by their husbands) have a generations-long tradition of doing this. Children grow up in households where their fathers spank their mothers and them as well. Spanking is a normal part of life. Boys and girls grow up expecting to carry on the tradition. There is no need to create artificial situations for punishment. It’s ingrained.

The rest of us don’t come from a tradition of adults being spanked. We have to develop habits ourselves. Mrs. Lion and I have spent the better part of a decade working on this. So far, we haven’t made domestic discipline a habit that doesn’t require maintenance. We need to find ways to keep Mrs. Lion’s paddles busy, or we will slip back into apathy.

One way to look at this is to consider that domestic discipline doesn’t really work for us. If it did, you might argue, we wouldn’t need to find ways to make sure I get spanked on a regular basis. The assumption behind that is we will adopt and maintain something without the need for artifice if we truly wanted it. I don’t think that’s correct.

Domestic discipline is no different than physical fitness or a good diet. Most of us need to work hard to build the habits that let us pursue those things consistently. We’ve learned that even though we both agree domestic discipline is right for us, it doesn’t mean that we will practice it consistently without help.

If there were local domestic discipline clubs (like the Christian churches that practice DD) we could join, then attending the meetings would help us keep DD alive. Since we’re on our own, we must find our own way. We’ve managed to do that with a combination of Just Because spankings and some BDSM activities. The Just Because spankings started to fail us. Mrs. Lion forgot to administer them. When we added the unrelated BDSM panty-wearing, it helped keep us both more aware of our disciplinary relationship. It works for us. Your results may be different.