Domestic discipline (Page 27)

Mrs. Lion is a very kind soul. She is also very careful, to be fair. I think that the need to avoid unfairness gets in her way as a disciplinary wife. She knows how bad it feels to be treated unfairly, and she works hard to prevent that from happening to me. The problem is that when one is working very hard to be fair, the only offenses that are comfortable to punish are objective failures. Failing to set up the coffee pot is a perfect example.

It’s binary. The pot is either ready to brew coffee, or it isn’t. If it isn’t, I get spanked. Easy-peasy! My new rule is also binary. If I spill anything on the comforter, I get punished. The spill is either there, or it isn’t. Binary. She gets into trouble with the offense is subjective. She discussed this problem in a recent post (“Listen To Me“). She talked about some things that annoyed her. She weighed them in her mind and decided it would be unfair to punish me for them.

We instituted “Just Because” spankings to address the offenses that Mrs. Lion couldn’t bring herself to punish because they might not be all my fault. She could have been upset with someone from work. The dog could have been getting on her nerves. I may not have heard what she said—lots of reasons to avoid spanking me.

This is a problem all parents face. It is always easy to punish rule infractions but very hard to punish “soft” misdemeanors. The problem is even more difficult for a disciplinary wife. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. It’s been nearly a month since Mrs. Lion got out the spanking bench.

It boils down to a couple of choices. She can choose to err on the side of a sore bottom instead of letting things go because they may not be entirely my fault. Or, she can become like the NFL and have a 400-page rule book. There’s a distinct advantage to working out rules for subjective infractions. It makes enforcement easier. Flags drop on the play without a need for nuance. The challenge is how to define the rules so that we avoid subjective ambiguity. That’s the real problem.

For example, Mrs.Lion set a rule that I get spanked if I interrupt her. She’s written about many offenses but almost never punishes them. She doesn’t trust her call on the play. Maybe I thought she paused to let me respond. Maybe it wasn’t all my fault. Nothing binary there. She’s not alone. From what I’ve read, almost every disciplinary wife has a struggle with subject fouls.

I think there is a way to help correct this. Why not an “always his fault” rule? The way that works is very simple and binary. If I interrupt, I get punished. It doesn’t matter why I did it. I get spanked. This is good for both of us. It makes the “catch the lion” game more fun for Mrs. Lion. More importantly, it teaches me not to step on her lines. This will help me with others as well.

Another very difficult annoyance to enforce is not listening. This is the easiest offense to overlook. It’s almost trivial to rationalize why I didn’t hear what Mrs. Lion said. I was distracted. I had the TV on too loud. I was listening but didn’t understand. The problem is that all of these are reasonable excuses. We’re talking about flags on the play. If the ref, Mrs. Lion, sees it, she needs to throw the yellow flag and get out the spanking bench.

What’s the worst that can happen? I get a spanking I don’t deserve. Wait! I like the idea of being spanked. We both believe that frequent spankings are good for both of us. Win-win, right? The struggle to be fair reduces opportunities to spank me. We both agree that she needs more opportunities, not less.

“Oops, you interrupted me” is no worse than, “Oops, the coffee pot isn’t set up.” The same is true of, “Oops, you weren’t listening.” It isn’t very important why I failed to do what I should. I did it, and we both know what that means. We’ve also learned that over time my behavior changes. I learn. I do need reminders. Mrs. Lion is happy to provide them.

It’s time to be as binary about “subjective” offenses as she is about the concrete rules. We will both profit if she is.

When we started this blog (February 2014), we had just started male chastity. Mrs. Lion gave me  “play” spankings. I realized that wearing a male chastity device gave Mrs. Lion control over any sexual pleasure that I could have. It was an interesting feeling, sort of tingles and some annoyance at my lack of control. The point is that I discovered that I like feeling her control.

It didn’t take too many years to figure out that I would find more than sexual control exciting. We experimented with spanking me for breaking rules that Mrs. Lion created. None of this happened quickly. We discovered that consistent enforcement of those rules changed my behavior.

The most startling change for me was the don’t-spill-on-your-shirt rule. Both of us figured that I would reliably break this rule forever. I certainly made no conscious effort to avoid getting food on my shirt. When Mrs. Lion spanked me each and every time I got food on my shirt, the frequency of infractions dropped dramatically. It got to the point that it was rare that I needed correction for this rule. I didn’t consciously work to avoid spilling. I just became magically neater.

My interest in being spanked made me a willing participant in helping Mrs. Lion become a more effective disciplinarian. I encouraged her to make spankings more painful and long-lasting. She learned to spank me without feeling bad about hurting me. She began to pride herself in doing a”good job.”

We also learned that unless we stayed in practice, the observation of infractions and the quality of my spankings would decline. Thanks to the DWC, I learned that timing spankings is important. Mrs. Lion adopted the DWC minimum spanking duration of ten minutes. She sets a timer and spanks well past when it goes off. If I break more than one rule, the duration increases by five minutes for each additional infraction.

Today (Tuesday), it’s been 25 days since my last spanking. That’s a very long time for us. The chances are good that Mrs. Lion will have trouble delivering the high-quality disciplinary spankings I normally get. It may take her two or three more before she gets into the swing of things.

We haven’t reached the point where discipline is consistent no matter how much time passes between spankings. We both will “slip” if the spanking bench doesn’t come out fairly often. We both seem happier when Mrs. Lion discovers infractions and punishes them. It isn’t that she likes to beat me. She doesn’t. Well, she doesn’t mind beating me. She truly enjoys catching me breaking a rule. It’s a sort of game for her.

That’s why self-reporting isn’t good for us. She likes to catch me. I suppose that I like it when she does. I’m not too fond of the spanking that follows. However, it’s part of the program. When Mrs. Lion is up to speed, my bottom hurts for at least three days after she spanks me. I wonder how soon she will be back in fighting form.

tools of her trade

We have a large collection of spanking implements. Some are wooden paddles. We also have leather, rubber, and silicone implements. Mrs. Lion likes to experiment and discover which delivers the effects she wants. She has also experimented with my real estate. We’ve both learned that hard paddling of my “sit spot,” the lower part of my butt, and upper thighs are the most painful and will hurt for days after she is done. She’s also learned that spanking inside my crack is especially uncomfortable for me. When she is really going, I’m red up my entire cleft.

Mrs. Lion has also learned that wooden paddles will make me bleed. She doesn’t cut me. Apparently, when the skin swells from her ministrations, it will sometimes develop small cracks and let little bits of blood escape. Other than being messy, it isn’t a sign of injury. She has learned to carry on even after some blood appears. I’ve wondered if my hide will toughen and the bleeding will stop. I guess we’ll see when the beatings are more frequent.

Leather seems to make me red without blood. It takes more time and works to get the punishment I need when she uses leather implements. Rubber (she has two spankers made of thick conveyor-belt rubber) is very nasty. I think that Mrs. Lion tries to get an even color when she spanks me. She also wants to hear me yelping and see me squirming. She’s very good at getting me to do both.

We’ve both learned that while the ten-minute spanking needs to hurt a lot, it’s just as important that I feel the results for days afterward. If it hurts each time I sit down, I’m reminded to avoid getting in trouble again. While I hate being spanked, I truly hate being uncomfortable for days after. We’ve also learned that the more unhappy I am after being punished, the more likely I will be careful to avoid needing another spanking.

Poor, punished lion

If all this seems cruel, you are missing the point. Domestic discipline makes me happy. No, I don’t like being paddled. I like that Mrs. Lion paddles me when I need correction. I like that she cares enough about me to correct me strongly enough to help me change. It may seem excessive to beat me for ten minutes if I forget to set up the coffee pot. It isn’t. I need to be smart enough to know that I can avoid that beating if I take the three minutes to set it up.

Maybe one reason we need to be sure that I’m corrected regularly is the connection domestic discipline makes between us. It’s not about the spankings as much as about effective communication between us. I don’t live in fear of Mrs. Lion beating me. Fear would be destructive to our relationship. I know I will be sorry if I break a rule. I also know that weirdly, we both enjoy the contest where Mrs. Lion has to discover my infractions. When she does, I get the penalty.

The way we practice it, domestic discipline isn’t a fearsome disciplinary practice. It’s half-game and half-serious discipline. The result is that I willingly submit to punishments I earn. The punishments help me change to be a better man. It’s a clear win-win for both of us.

One of the main disconnects between people like us who practice somewhat exotic kinks and vanilla folk is that we expect understanding, and they are astounded at our perversity. The gap is simply missing dots to connect. Take domestic discipline. Vanilla people react with horror. You let your wife beat you?

It’s missing dots. The isolated admission that my wife spanks me when I break a rule brings up images of torture chambers, evil women, meek men who allow themselves to be abused. That’s it! Abuse. We need to provide dots. Remember, dots aren’t the same as a sales message. I’m not a spanking missionary.

Anyway, let’s consider dots to connect that will lead to the belief that DD is a sane, loving practice. Dot number one: I get sexually aroused when I think about being spanked. Uh oh. More dots to explain that. Simple. I just find it hot. Since over 85 percent of American adults also find thinking about a spanking arousing, the chances are good that this dot will connect. If it doesn’t, oh well.

Dot 2: Mrs. Lion and I brought my fantasy to life with “play” spankings. We may need a dot or two to explain that I asked her to spank me, and she agreed. We also have to emphasize that I have a safeword and no serious injuries ever result. The chances are that the vanilla people will be quite curious about this. Answer their questions.

Dot 3: I wondered how it would work if Mrs. Lion spanked me if I broke a rule. A rule? OK, some sub-dots here. I asked her to try this with me. She came up with a few simple rules that I would be sure to break. She did that to have lots of opportunities to try out spanking-for-a-reason.

Dot 4: It felt very good to me when Mrs. Lion took control this way. She didn’t find it particularly enjoyable but liked how it affected me. Over time, she learned to make spankings very unpleasant for me. I accepted them because we agreed that I would be punished for breaking the rules. I still had my safeword and consented to be disciplined.

Dot 5: It took a long time to get to this point. We didn’t just wake up one morning and began domestic discipline. It took years to evolve to get here. We could have stopped at any time along the way. We continued because we got value out of our power exchange.

That’s it. Five dots to connect. We avoid suggesting that our audience thinks about joining us. We simply want them to understand how we got here and that we are both happy with the result. Speaking of which, we are both feeling better. I may find myself visiting the spanking bench very soon.

Now you know how I got there.