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In: BDSM, Domestic discipline

From what I can see, very few women go out of their way to do the sort of things we want. No woman ever initiated male chastity. It’s like anal sex, women just don’t ask for it. That isn’t to say all women don’t enjoy anal sex, some do, like Mrs. Lion. It’s just that it isn’t what they ask for.

After nine years of male chastity and writing about it, I’m confident that virtually all male chastity is initiated by men wanting to be locked up. Women don’t think about things like that. Mrs. Lion certainly didn’t. She also never thought about spanking me in any context, much less domestic discipline. I asked for that too. I was very lucky that she agreed to do both.

That brings me to my central point: Just because she agreed to do these things didn’t mean that she particularly liked doing them. Mrs. Lion didn’t mind locking my penis in a male chastity device. She made (makes) it clear that she doesn’t understand why I would want it, but went along anyway. It took her years to get to the point where she didn’t actively dislike punishing me. She is my disciplinary wife because I asked her to take that role. I’m pretty sure that she continues because she knows that it’s important to me. I’m not sure if she would stop if I asked. I’m absolutely sure that she doesn’t like spanking me. At this point, she doesn’t mind beating me. It doesn’t bother her any more than vacuuming the rug. It’s work that has to be done. She is equally unenthusiastic about BDSM. She does it sometimes because it turns me on. It isn’t fun for her.

In a perfect world, she would enjoy my sexual frustration and get a little thrill out of spanking me or doing BDSM play. That would be an incentive to do those things that came from inside her. I would feel a lot better about asking for these things if I thought she liked them, even a little. She doesn’t.

If I’m not careful, I could ruin things. No matter how much I want Mrs. Lion to enjoy, even a little, these activities, she’s not going to. She isn’t wired that way. If I try to push her into trying, I’ll frustrate her and we will risk losing what we have now. I’m the one who needs to realize that I’m getting everything I want. I have to remind myself that’s more than almost anyone else gets. Mrs. Lion doesn’t have to get off on doing this stuff. I’m grateful that she does it.

She wouldn’t have kept things up all these years if, on some level, it didn’t work for her. I don’t need to understand why she keeps it up. I have to remember to thank her and be grateful for all that I have.

By:
In: Domestic discipline

I didn’t get punished on Tuesday night. By the time Mrs. Lion was ready, it was late, and I asked her to postpone it. She agreed to put it off until Wednesday evening. She kindly agreed. It’s my first punishment spanking in three months. I’m not happy about it at all. That’s not entirely true. I’m glad that Mrs. Lion is holding me accountable for interrupting her. I think that’s good progress.

Have you noticed that almost all discussion of domestic discipline is from the person on the bottom? Mrs. Lion is a rare exception. Her insights into how the disciplining partner relates to dd and male chastity offer a very helpful glimpse into her world. One observation she’s frequently provided is that, from her perspective, there is nothing sexual about our power exchanges. I imagine that very few women get turned on by spanking their husbands.

This point can be very significant. Sexual arousal is a major force under male domestic discipline. I’m not saying that I get turned on when Mrs. Lion spanks me. I don’t! However, I’m turned on by the idea of being spanked. This sexual undercurrent is everywhere when adult spanking is discussed. The Disciplinary Wives Club, a defunct website that is often cited as the be-all-end-all of male domestic discipline, is loaded with very sexual material. It’s everywhere.

This isn’t a bad thing. Our wives know it. This underlying arousal is partly responsible for our meekly baring our bottoms for our wives’ painful attention. They have to depend on our willingness to accept punishment. Aside from the fact that this is fully consensual, we are generally bigger and stronger than our wives. Control is sexual and psychological.

That’s one very important reason why our women would benefit from honest communication between them. Mrs. Lion may get helpful information from me, but she would probably profit more if she could hear from other disciplinary wives. I suspect that my life would be a little harder if she did. Mrs. Lion’s posts almost never discuss how she feels or what she’s learned about being a disciplinary wife. She restricts herself to reporting what we do. It’s too bad.

Over the years, she’s learned a lot about what does and doesn’t work. She developed strong spanking skills. She knows what works for her. Sadly, she doesn’t write about this. Even if she began discussing what she learned, chances aren’t good that many other disciplinary wives would read what she wrote. I guess it’s the state of the Internet at this point in time. Or, maybe it’s really a lack of interest in getting disciplinary education. Maybe our women need to discover their own paths through domestic discipline individually.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, Male Chastity

Mrs. Lion wrote about our puppy’s digestive illness. She seemed more energetic on Sunday but still not her normal self. Dogs do their best to hide any weakness. Our previous dog worked hard not to let us know that she was in terrible pain. Willow is the same. I get it. If an animal who lives in a pack exposes any weakness, she is likely to be prey. Even though dogs have been domesticated for thousands of years, this trait still persists. We have to watch for subtle clues to determine if our pets need help. Her current problem was easy to spot. She was throwing up and had no energy.

While I’m on the subject of pets,I want to say that we have pet health insurance. We are covered by Trupanion. It covers 90 percent of all treatments and drugs. Willow’s policy costs more than Mrs. Lion’s health insurance and is only a few bucks less than mine. Our last dog was also insured. She started having seizures when she turned one. Her insurance paid for expensive medication that exceeded the premium we paid. Willow’s visit on Saturday cost $800. We ended up paying less than $200 for it.

Sex was the last thing on our minds on Saturday. It’s not all that interesting on Sunday, either. I’m writing this post on Sunday afternoon. Mrs. Lion and I might change our minds later. She’ll let you know in her post.

The end of the year is growing closer. We will have completed nine years of male chastity in just a week. We are just over two weeks away from our 6,000th post. I never imagined we would still be at either after all these years. Mrs. Lion and I have been together for twenty years. All those years ago, when we first got serious, I wondered what it would be like in twenty years. At one point early in our dating, she said she wondered if she would get bored with me. I asked her the other night if she was bored yet. She said she wasn’t. We’ve been practicing domestic discipline for at least five years (I can’t remember exactly when we started). We wondered if that would last.

I think the reason we manage to continue is that we keep communicating and trying new things. Based on other blogs I read, this is the secret for other couples who manage to incorporate these exotic practices in their daily lives. If we have anything in common, it may be that we discover real value in some aspect of what we do. We also compromise. Our domestic discipline isn’t what you read in the fictional accounts.

If our blog offers any historical value, it’s the accurate accounting of how we’ve changed over the years. What hasn’t changed is how much we love each other.

By:
In: Domestic discipline

I liked Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday (“Plans for Tonight“). She promised a blow job. Of course, I love that, but it isn’t the main reason I was happy with what she wrote. She went through her reasoning about giving me a five-minute punishment day spanking. She started out by saying that there would be no harm in missing one and then decided that once she began skipping things, she tended to keep skipping them. The temptation to be inconsistent reared its ugly head.

When we began our disciplinary activities, we both were very aware that it would be all too easy to let things fall through the cracks. It happened too many times in the past. We consistently fail to do BDSM play because inertia keeps us comfortably watching TV. We agreed that when it came to male chastity and domestic discipline that we would look for ways to avoid letting things drop.

When we started domestic discipline, I had never been punished by my lioness. She had been spanking me for years as part of BDSM play but never corrected me. She pointed out that she needed “practice” punishing me. Discipline needed to become a habit if it had any chance of becoming part of our marriage. She created a few simple rules that I was bound to break. The idea was that when I broke one, she would spank me.

The first part of that transaction was to catch me breaking a rule. She did a good job at that. However, she didn’t follow through and spanked me. At the time, I was convinced that I should be punished as soon as I broke a rule. I read that punishing close to the offense was best. Since my rules were based on behavior during meals, Mrs. Lion didn’t feel like interrupting dinner to spank me. Most of the time, she would forget to spank me later. We decided to set up punishment days. The idea was that any offenses I committed would be handled on those days. Mrs. Lion designated Monday, Thursday, and Saturday as punishment days. It was my job to remind her on punishment days and also tell her what offenses needed correction.

This worked well since I had a strong incentive (a spanking) to remind her. She generally remembered my offenses without me reminding her. So, for quite a while, punishments were meted out on punishment days. Over time, Mrs. Lion didn’t need designated days to punish me. She had built the habit of spanking me when I broke a rule. Our learning technique worked.

In fact, Mrs. Lion came to enjoy catching me breaking rules. It was a sort of game to her. She never learned to get pleasure from spanking me, but accepted it as part of the game. Now, years later, she still doesn’t get pleasure from spanking me, but doesn’t mind doing it either. It’s just something she needs to do as my wife.

My biggest mistake in the beginning was being so serious about domestic discipline. Everything I had read about it said it was serious punishment designed to modify behavior. My mistake was to insist that Mrs. Lion approach it as some sort of stern disciplinarian. That’s not her nature. What I actually wanted was for her to punish me for lapses that upset her or made me less than I could be. It didn’t matter one bit how she approached it.

For example, my first rule was that I couldn’t spill food on my shirt. I did that several times a week. It was a sure thing in the catch-me-breaking-a-rule game. Mrs. Lion found she liked catching me. She didn’t care much for the spanking but realized it was part of the deal. Over time, she got used to being my disciplinary wife. Catching and punishing me became routine. Also, over time, I broke fewer rules, and spankings were further apart. It was a good thing for me. Mrs. Lion has become a very severe spanker. Not so good was that the more time that passed without spanking me, the less attentive Mrs. Lion became.

A few weeks ago we decided that I would be spanked on each punishment day. The idea was to wake up the “game” for Mrs. Lion. It helps her return to her old, consistent self. I haven’t broken any rules yet or annoyed her, so we don’t know if this new, painful routine is working. She seems to think it is.