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In: Domestic discipline, Spanking

Thursday was a bit chaotic around here. We were both thrown off our daily routines. After dinner, Mrs. Lion came into the bedroom and announced that I didn’t set up the coffeemaker. Uh oh. Without another word, she got out the spanking bench and paddles. I received a spanking. This was the first time I had forgotten my chore since October 6, 2022, 161 days. That’s not too bad. Apparently, I need violent reminders to remember my chores every so often. This time I went almost six months before Mrs. Lion needed to prompt me with a spanking.

I was surprised when she told me I had forgotten my chore. It’s become almost automatic for me to do it. I was also surprised when she promptly got out the spanking bench and spanked me. Usually, she isn’t so prompt. Less than ten minutes passed between announcing my infraction and the painful punishment. I didn’t expect it. I was also feeling horny and hoped that we might have some fun. The punishment ended that dream.

Over the years I’ve written about the value of punishing close to the time of the infraction. The consensus seems to be that it is beneficial. I’ve always thought that, as an adult, I could easily comprehend why I was being punished even if the spanking is administered days later. Thursday night’s spanking was the first I received immediately after being called out.

I have to admit that it made a difference. Mrs. Lion’s announcement, followed by the spanking bench coming out made an impression on me. I can’t exactly explain it, but when I saw her start getting the spanking bench, I felt a sense of dread that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I didn’t want to be spanked just then. I felt unprepared. Unprepared?

It was a surprise to me that I missed my chore. I honestly had no recollection that I did or didn’t do it. OK, fair enough. In the past, I had hours or days to think about the impending punishment. I anticipated it. When the spanking bench finally came out, I was ready to mount it. On Thursday night, I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to be spanked just then. Too bad. It made a difference.

As I got in position and Mrs. Lion strapped me down, all I could think about was how I stupidly forgot to set up the coffee pot. I was angry at myself and very sorry that I was going to be punished. Other times I’ve had the same feeling, but this time it was much stronger.

I have to admit that I’m surprised by this reaction. I believed that as a mature adult, I would fully understand why I was being punished and feel remorse no matter how long the delay between offense and punishment. In one sense, I was right. I do feel remorse no matter how long the delay, but Thursday’s spanking made a much stronger impression on me.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. As I mentioned in my post yesterday (“Domestic Discipline Works Even If Spanking Turns You On“), my behavior changed even when I felt spanking was more sexual than disciplinary. My lizard brain is still a toddler and responds better when punishment and offense are close together.

Live and Learn.

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In: Domestic discipline, Spanking

I think that there is a difference without distinction between how some of us think about domestic discipline. This comes up whenever there is a discussion about origin and motivation. One school of thought insists the source is the need to correct behavioral problems like drinking too much. Discussions center on the disciplinary process. Spanking is cited as the disciplinary wife’s tool to help fix the problem.

There is nothing to disagree about there. I’m punished when I break a rule. It’s the most significant component of DD; misbehaving and getting spanked. The angst occurs when the conversation turns to deeper reasons men want domestic discipline. DD is a consensual activity. It’s usually initiated by the spouse who will be spanked. He wants his wife to spank him when he misbehaves.

This is the most marked difference between parental discipline and DD. Parental discipline isn’t consensual or initiated by the child. Spanking a child is believed by some to be a good way to encourage good behavior. My parents and, later, when I became a parent, never used spanking to correct behavior. My point is that the consent polarity is the opposite in spanking children. The parent consents to discipline that way. The child isn’t consulted. Our consensual polarity is with me consenting to be spanked. I initiated the practice and supported it.

Almost all of the spanked husbands I’ve read agree so far. For whatever reason, they asked their wives to spank them as a way to correct behavioral issues. They not only consented, they asked for disciplinary spankings. The problem occurs when we try to go deeper. Why did we ask our wives to spank us? The party line is that we asked because we saw spanking as a way to put behavioral guardrails in our lives. We feel more secure knowing we would be spanked if we misbehave.

I agree that it feels much better knowing that Mrs. Lion is watching over me and won’t hesitate to spank me when needed. I feel less comfortable when she lets anything slip. So far, I completely agree with the guys. I am sometimes upset. If I shut up at this point, there is peace and harmony. But, you know me, I can’t let it rest.

the great divide

Here is where things go off the rails. Based purely on my feelings (and a bunch of other stuff I’ve read over the years), sex has a lot to do with adding spanking to my life. I’ve always been turned on when I think about being spanked. I’ve had wonderful fantasies and BDSM adventures with spanking. The idea of combining spanking with behavioral corrections is a hot fantasy. No, I’m not talking about the leather-clad mistress who cruelly beats me for breathing too loudly. I’m talking about my wife spanking me for breaking a rule.

Yes, that is hot for me to think about. It was a strong reason I decided to ask Mrs. Lion to make it come true. In the beginning, I almost always had an erection when I got into position to be punished. It didn’t last long. My penis was soft less than a minute after Mrs. Lion began spanking me. To her credit, she ignored the state of my arousal and spanked me in a cool, businesslike way. It wasn’t long before I stopped getting hard when spanking was imminent.

My point is that it didn’t matter whether or not I was turned on. I understood that I was being spanked for doing something wrong. The spanking is always very painful. It wasn’t fun, even when I got an erection before it started. I’ve learned that being aroused by spanking has absolutely no effect on domestic discipline.

When we began DD, Mrs. Lion’s spankings weren’t very painful. She was learning how to spank effectively. I was hard when she started. Neither of us expected results in the beginning. The initial rules were trivial. Mrs. Lion created them to be training wheels for both of us. You could almost say that we were doing BDSM. A funny thing happened, I stopped breaking those rules.

It didn’t matter that the intensity of my spankings wasn’t very strong. Being sexually aroused made no difference either. I realized that it didn’t matter how I thought about what we were doing. As long as Mrs. Lion consistently spanked me when I broke a rule, I would stop breaking it. Sexual arousal was irrelevant. All that mattered was consistent punishment when a rule was broken.

Over time, Mrs. Lion refined her skills, and my spankings were felt for days. The more severe spankings accelerated how quickly my behavior got corrected. The idea that the sexual origins of adult spanking change domestic discipline into BDSM is incorrect. Based on my experience, it doesn’t matter how I think about spanking or DD. The physical process of cause and effect is all that’s needed for behavioral correction.

It turns out that for me, all that is needed is for Mrs. Lion to make and consistently enforce rules. My attitude toward spanking has absolutely no effect on our domestic discipline. I can get as aroused as I want. It doesn’t matter. It’s almost as though DD is happening on an unconscious level.

Another benefit is that I feel more secure. I didn’t realize it at the time, but one of the reasons our “Just Because” spankings are important to me is that they remind me that my guardrails are in place.

I’m safe.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, Spanking

We got a comment on my post, “Non-punishment Punishment Spanking,” asking if I felt any kinship to dominants in the relationship like myself. The writer posited that I hang out with other dominants. Perhaps there’s a Tuesday night meeting of Spankers Anonymous. That was my addition, not his/hers. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but there’s no one like me. Let me explain.

I can only remember going to two BDSM events. One was a meeting and one was an event with workshops and a dungeon. I had only been living with Lion for a short time and almost everything was new to me. Sure, I’d been spanking him and doing other things, but I was very much a newbie. Lion knew many people at each. I don’t do well in most social situations, and these were weird ones, so I was very uncomfortable.

You probably bristled at my calling them weird situations. Did I just call you weird? Well, yes. But I’m weird too. We’re just weird in different ways. The thing is, unlike Lion, I never thought about spanking anyone or being spanked myself. The wildest thing I ever did was anal sex. I assume that’s why it took me so long to figure out how to spank effectively. If I had any prior interest in it, I might have given Lion a sore butt from the outset.

The reason I spank Lion is because he likes it. I’m talking play spanking. He thinks he likes punishment spanking, but he changes his mind as soon as the spanking bench comes out. Let’s just say he likes the idea of spanking. In the moment, he may regret it.

When he suggested making rules and punishing him for real, I figured it was just more spanking so why not. It’s a new game. Then we kept refining it. We realized that he no longer spilled food on his shirt. What? This shit really works! We still keep refining it. I never assume we’re finished. There’s always some little tweak we can do to make it more effective.

What would happen if Lion wanted to stop being punished? I’ve fallen for this in the past. He’s said he can give up BDSM because all he really wants is to be with me. I call BS. We did stop for a while. I don’t mean we stopped like when we had very little sex. I mean we still had sex, but there were no more clothespins and the paddles collected dust. He was not happy. I don’t remember how long it took, but we were back in a fairly short amount of time. It didn’t bother me because I do it for Lion.

Now, punishment is a little different. Shockingly, it does work. There’s really very little I care to change about him. Does he interrupt? Yup. Do I wish he wouldn’t? Yup. Is it a deal breaker? Nope. If he wanted to go back to play spanking only, I think I’d be okay with it. It might take me a little while to relearn how to start out slow again, but I could still ramp it up to the I-want-to-bruise-his-butt swats. By the way, I see that part as a challenge. If he said no to bruising, I’d be fine. I’ll do (almost) anything he wants.

As far as kinship is concerned, I don’t know anyone else who does what we do. For all I know, everyone I know does what we do. We don’t discuss it. Lion tried for a long time to get me to read other blogs and form connections with other people. It’s not my thing. I do it for him. If something happens to Lion and there’s another guy in my life somewhere far down the road, will I spank him? I doubt it. Then again, I never thought I’d do it for Lion until he asked.

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In: Domestic discipline

I am still not using the treadmill. It isn’t that I don’t want to. We just have a lot of stuff in front of it and around it. Also, my stomach is still acting up. I guess I need more orgasms. It was truly amazing that after I came on Monday night, my stomach settled, and all was well with my world. That doesn’t make sense, but it happened just the same.

As Mrs.Lion wrote yesterday (“Read the Manual“), our new car has a bewildering array of controls. Neither of us is a stranger to technology, but this car (Hyundai Tucson plugin hybrid) is so packed with stuff that it will take a long time to decipher how best to use it. I’m not complaining. It will drive itself on roads that have clear lines painted on them. It will slow and stop if the vehicle ahead slows and stops. When it moves, we move too. All Mrs. Lion has to do is keep her hands near the steering wheel. That blew us both away on Monday.

If that’s not enough, it will more intelligently drive itself when on large highways that have been mapped into its computer. We haven’t found one of them yet. We have to update the navigation maps every six months to keep up. Unlike other brands, these updates are free. The “quick start guide” is over 300 pages long. You can drive the car with default settings, but then you will miss out on many features. I probably shouldn’t bitch about needing to take a course to use the car. Something that expensive is bound to be complicated.

All this crap with the new car made me think about domestic discipline. It is easy to implement but won’t be fully effective without learning and experimenting. (How’s that for a segue?) Even something that seems simple, like spanking, took Mrs. Lion a long time to work out to be effective. Sure, you can get a paddle and swat away, but it’s unlikely that will do the best job influencing behavioral change.

I’m not saying that we’ve refined domestic discipline to a science. We haven’t. But we have learned enough to include it in our marriage. It works. I’m a little embarrassed that I need to be spanked to effect a behavioral change, but the proof is in the pudding. It would have been easier to learn if there were a manual like the one for our car.