I think that there is a difference without distinction between how some of us think about domestic discipline. This comes up whenever there is a discussion about origin and motivation. One school of thought insists the source is the need to correct behavioral problems like drinking too much. Discussions center on the disciplinary process. Spanking is cited as the disciplinary wife’s tool to help fix the problem.
There is nothing to disagree about there. I’m punished when I break a rule. It’s the most significant component of DD; misbehaving and getting spanked. The angst occurs when the conversation turns to deeper reasons men want domestic discipline. DD is a consensual activity. It’s usually initiated by the spouse who will be spanked. He wants his wife to spank him when he misbehaves.
This is the most marked difference between parental discipline and DD. Parental discipline isn’t consensual or initiated by the child. Spanking a child is believed by some to be a good way to encourage good behavior. My parents and, later, when I became a parent, never used spanking to correct behavior. My point is that the consent polarity is the opposite in spanking children. The parent consents to discipline that way. The child isn’t consulted. Our consensual polarity is with me consenting to be spanked. I initiated the practice and supported it.
Almost all of the spanked husbands I’ve read agree so far. For whatever reason, they asked their wives to spank them as a way to correct behavioral issues. They not only consented, they asked for disciplinary spankings. The problem occurs when we try to go deeper. Why did we ask our wives to spank us? The party line is that we asked because we saw spanking as a way to put behavioral guardrails in our lives. We feel more secure knowing we would be spanked if we misbehave.
I agree that it feels much better knowing that Mrs. Lion is watching over me and won’t hesitate to spank me when needed. I feel less comfortable when she lets anything slip. So far, I completely agree with the guys. I am sometimes upset. If I shut up at this point, there is peace and harmony. But, you know me, I can’t let it rest.
the great divide
Here is where things go off the rails. Based purely on my feelings (and a bunch of other stuff I’ve read over the years), sex has a lot to do with adding spanking to my life. I’ve always been turned on when I think about being spanked. I’ve had wonderful fantasies and BDSM adventures with spanking. The idea of combining spanking with behavioral corrections is a hot fantasy. No, I’m not talking about the leather-clad mistress who cruelly beats me for breathing too loudly. I’m talking about my wife spanking me for breaking a rule.
Yes, that is hot for me to think about. It was a strong reason I decided to ask Mrs. Lion to make it come true. In the beginning, I almost always had an erection when I got into position to be punished. It didn’t last long. My penis was soft less than a minute after Mrs. Lion began spanking me. To her credit, she ignored the state of my arousal and spanked me in a cool, businesslike way. It wasn’t long before I stopped getting hard when spanking was imminent.
My point is that it didn’t matter whether or not I was turned on. I understood that I was being spanked for doing something wrong. The spanking is always very painful. It wasn’t fun, even when I got an erection before it started. I’ve learned that being aroused by spanking has absolutely no effect on domestic discipline.
When we began DD, Mrs. Lion’s spankings weren’t very painful. She was learning how to spank effectively. I was hard when she started. Neither of us expected results in the beginning. The initial rules were trivial. Mrs. Lion created them to be training wheels for both of us. You could almost say that we were doing BDSM. A funny thing happened, I stopped breaking those rules.
It didn’t matter that the intensity of my spankings wasn’t very strong. Being sexually aroused made no difference either. I realized that it didn’t matter how I thought about what we were doing. As long as Mrs. Lion consistently spanked me when I broke a rule, I would stop breaking it. Sexual arousal was irrelevant. All that mattered was consistent punishment when a rule was broken.
Over time, Mrs. Lion refined her skills, and my spankings were felt for days. The more severe spankings accelerated how quickly my behavior got corrected. The idea that the sexual origins of adult spanking change domestic discipline into BDSM is incorrect. Based on my experience, it doesn’t matter how I think about spanking or DD. The physical process of cause and effect is all that’s needed for behavioral correction.
It turns out that for me, all that is needed is for Mrs. Lion to make and consistently enforce rules. My attitude toward spanking has absolutely no effect on our domestic discipline. I can get as aroused as I want. It doesn’t matter. It’s almost as though DD is happening on an unconscious level.
Another benefit is that I feel more secure. I didn’t realize it at the time, but one of the reasons our “Just Because” spankings are important to me is that they remind me that my guardrails are in place.
Again, while styles might vary, the essence of this post is pretty logical and aligns with my own origins and motivations. I would say the only real difference is the degree to which different spouses accept, tolerate, or enthusiastically endorse such a lifestyle. And sometimes that level changes over time or even with mood. LOL
I guess the reason I jumped in here, even though historically we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye on things, was because I think in a community so, so small, it would behoove all of us to embrace the minor variations in the practice of DD (or even real life positions) rather than use those differences as points of exclusion.
Good point. The differences are unimportant if they don’t affect the fact that we are punished when needed.