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In: Communication, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment

On Friday, I was up and down the ladder trying to fix the satellite TV in the camper. Yesterday, I was hunched over setting up the tire pressure monitor and putting air in the tires. Both took a toll on my back and legs. Plus, it’s finally warmer here so the sun beating down on me didn’t help. Over the years I’ve lost my New York immunity to summer heat and humidity. Between the two days, I wasn’t in the mood for playing and/or sex last night. Of course Lion, after two days of not wanting it, did want it. That’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Lion has asked that we play early today. I’m not quite sure what early means. Afternoon? Just before dinner? Just after dinner? He probably means afternoon. In just a few minutes, it will be afternoon here. I’m shooting for 3ish. I have a few chores to do and then I can bring out the Box O’Fun, or he can tell me what he’d like. I’m feeling generous enough to allow him to pick.

Yesterday, my post was about communication. I was a little concerned about Lion not wanting play or sex for two days. It’s not like him. A few days after an orgasm, he’s usually raring to go. Lion took that to mean he’d get punished if he couldn’t get hard when I wanted him to. Is that what I said? I don’t think so. Generally, if Lion doesn’t want to play, he’ll tell me he’s tired or isn’t feeling well. Those two days, he didn’t offer any explanation. To be fair, he’s under no obligation to play on any given day. I’m the one who has vowed to play with him, or at least be willing to, six out of seven days. Theoretically, he could tell me to go pound salt for a month and there’s nothing I could do about it. However, I know we’re prone to inertia. If he waves me off for days on end, I’m liable to stop trying and then we’re not even holding hands anymore. Back to square one. Not on my watch.

That’s where my idea came from. If he can’t communicate a reason for not wanting sex, then he gets a spanking. All it takes is, “I think I’m in the doldrums, but I should be fine tomorrow” or “I’ve got my mind on other things right now” and all will be well. Let me know what’s going on inside his mind. Done.

Lion does get in the doldrums from time to time. He just can’t seem to muster an erection. That’s no reason to spank him. It’s an organic thing. It’s not like he isn’t trying. We both know he’ll come out of it eventually, usually not before he claims he’s broken. About a week ago, I tied his balls with a rope and he remained soft. That’s not a normal reaction to having his balls tied. Was it worrisome? A little. Was it a spankable offense? No way. Given the fact that Mr. Weenie rises to the occasion even when Lion hates what I’m doing, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Lion can’t stifle an erection on purpose. If my weenie isn’t standing tall, it isn’t by choice.

There will be no spanking for not getting hard. The offense is not communicating. I’ve just realized how ironic this new rule is. He has a rule about being a know-it-all and not shutting up, and now he has a rule to encourage him to talk.

Go figure.

By:
In: Communication, Female led relationship with discipline, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment

Lion hasn’t wanted sex for a few nights. I’m not sure why, but I don’t think it’s a problem. Last night he picked from the Box O’Fun but got butt plug and neither of us wanted that. I allowed him to pick again and he got a free pass. I can’t even remember what a free pass means. I know he has do-over cards, which means he can pick again. So free pass could mean he gets to choose or we skip playing and just have sex. I think it was the former. At any rate, he asked if we could just have sex and I agreed. We had a big dinner and he wanted to let that settle more before we started. But then we never started.

As I said, I don’t think it’s a big deal. We’ve both been tired and we spent a few hours fighting with the satellite dish on the camper. It still doesn’t work, but I was up and down the ladder a lot causing my back to tighten up. It was fine after dinner and I would have been up for anything. Maybe I need to do more than just bring out the Box O’Fun. Is it possible the box has become boring already? Maybe he needs me to take a more active role in things. I thought I was by bringing out the box. Maybe I need to just show up with Icy Hot or clothespins and tell him that’s what we’re doing. Maybe I should punish him when he hits the limit of not wanting sex. [Lion — Sounds good to me.]

What’s the limit? I don’t know. I guess it would depend on when I think there’s a problem. If he can’t tell me a reason, (i.e. he’s depressed about X or he’s tired or his tummy hurts) then maybe he needs to be encouraged to come up with one or meet the painful end of a paddle. That may seem extreme, but part of FLRD is communication. If he can’t, or won’t, communicate then I need to put my foot down. I’m not saying he’s annoying me by not wanting sex. I’m just trying to keep things moving so we don’t wind up in the vicious cycle of inertia.

Life has been very unpredictable lately. It’s easy to become depressed. I can’t tell you how much of a pep talk I have to give myself to get up in the morning, or even to do the dishes after dinner. Why bother? We’ll all be dead soon because people refuse to wear masks. The news reports the death toll every day. There’s very little good news. But we have to do what we can to keep ourselves going. If it takes swatting Lion so he’ll communicate better, then that’s what I’ll do.

By:
In: Communication, Mrs Lion Comments
Lion likes things to be black and white. Now he can have that…well…red and green.

A few months ago I bought a stop/go sign. It was supposed to alert Lion to the status of our play. Since then I’ve committed to playing with him more often so I never used the sign. However, I was thinking this morning that Lion might get some use out of it.

He is officially laid off now. We have no idea when he’ll be back to work. Because his company is so big and employs so many people, there are a lot of moving parts. People can work from home in some departments. In others, there is high customer contact. Because of the uncertainty, and the fact that his vision is changing, Lion may not be as open to playing right now. I know what you’re thinking. It’s too bad if Lion doesn’t want to play. I make the decisions on how and when we play. I should just make him play. Uh-huh. Sure. If Mr. Weenie doesn’t want to play, there’s not much I can do about it. I can give it the old college try, but if he’s not cooperating we won’t be getting anywhere. Plus, life intrudes from time to time. You have to step back and let things play out.

Now I’m not saying punishments will be put on hold. If he does the crime, he has to do the time. This is something he can control. I don’t care how down in the dumps or depressed you are, you can’t go murder your neighbor because he’s playing hip hop at 8:30 in the morning. (The thought of our neighbors playing hip hop at any hour is amusing.) The rules will remain in full force unless something drastic changes.

What I’m proposing is that Lion use the stop/go sign to signal if he feels up for play. Under normal circumstances, I’d expect it to be solid green. Right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was more red than green. Of course, we can actually talk about whether or not he wants to play, but I thought the sign would be good to fall back on so there isn’t any confusion. Many times we’ve both thought the other was too tired to play when that wasn’t the case. It’s just a tool to make sure we’re on the same page.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments, Communication

We watched another football game last night so we didn’t play. It was late and I figured Lion was tired from making a yummy batch of stew. It made the house smell so good. Ironically, when I came out of the shower, Lion was watching Shark Tank and there was a product that helps couples with sex.

The concept is that there are two buttons. If you’d like sex, you push your button. If your partner would like sex, he or she pushes the other button. If both buttons are pushed it turns green and you know you’re both good to go. I laughed. For one thing, Lion is usually always ready to go. For another, why can’t you just ask your partner? Lion thought it was a good idea although he figured I’d never push it.

It’s true. I’d never push it for me, but I would push it to let Lion know I was willing to give him attention. I’m still not sure a button is required. I could just say “ya wanna?” and Lion would say “Hell yes!” and off we’d go.

The scenario the inventors gave was that the husband was working on his laptop in bed because he assumed the wife was too tired from her day, and the wife assumed it would take too much effort to drag the husband off his laptop, so no nookie tonight. If they had this magical button, they’d know from the green light that they had the green light for nookie.

It was also billed as a way to avoid being denied. In other words, if I push my button and Lion doesn’t (fat chance!) then I don’t have to stick my neck out to initiate, only to have him say no. Maybe this would help Lion’s inability to initiate. On the other hand, he doesn’t need it because he’s not supposed to initiate. Or so he says. I wouldn’t mind if he rolled over to snuggle with me sometimes. And, yes, I’d see that as a prelude to sex.

Anyway, the point is that I assumed it was too late last night and that he was tired. If we had the buttons, I would have known if he was looking for action. As well as we think we communicate, we still drop the ball a lot. Not unlike those football players we were watching last night.