When Lion told me it was punishment day on Saturday, apparently, I wasn’t “grateful” for the reminder. He said I sounded bored when I thanked him. I was in the middle of something, so, at the very least, I was distracted. I did respond. Sometimes he says I don’t acknowledge him at all.

This morning, he told me it was punishment day. I made sure to give him my full attention, and I told him he hadn’t gotten himself in trouble. I also told him he was a good boy. From time to time, he tells me I don’t tell him he’s a good boy very often either. For the record, I don’t tell him he’s a bad boy very often either. I guess those two phrases still sound ridiculous to me. It’s like I’m talking to the dog. But I try to remember to do it sometimes because I know Lion likes the pageantry of it all. [Lion — In some ways talking to her lion is the same as talking to the dog.]

Yesterday, I said Lion shouldn’t feel guilty when I do things for him. I wasn’t ruling anything in or out. Apparently, I need to work on things (a lot of things) like the pageantry aspect. It’s been difficult for me to tell him why I’m spanking or even ask him why he’s being punished. Why is that so hard? Again, it’s like I’m talking to the dog. “Bad dog! Why did you barf on the rug?” But I will make an extra effort to tell him he’s a good dog; I mean good boy.

I guess I could even tell him he’s been good when I try to get him hard, and it doesn’t work. He’s trying. It’s not like he’s willfully not getting hard. Maybe if I praise him for trying, he’d be able to get there the next time. I don’t know. Just thinking. [Lion — That’s a good idea! It’s less pageantry than feedback.]

It may be a huge oversimplification, but I’ve heard that when women tell men about their day, men try to fix it whereas women just want to vent. I’ve been sitting here wondering if that is part of the problem with our communication lately. Lion has trouble when I use nonspecific pronouns. When I was telling him about my boss creating a form, I was careful to say who “she” was. The problem this time, however, was not the pronoun. In his mind, the story was about the form and what could he solve about it. That’s what I think happened at least. It didn’t matter that the form wasn’t really the issue. He was focused on that form. What program? What does the form do? My boss should do X. I thought I had been careful, when he interrupted the first time, to tell him that the form itself or even which program was used wasn’t the hero of the story. I think he was already off and running so he didn’t hear that part.

I can’t explain what happened with the coffee pot. I thought I framed the conversation as fact one, fact two and fact three. I lost him somewhere between one and three. Is it that Lion isn’t really listening? There’s a difference between hearing and listening. Does he not hear it at all? Or does he hear it and glosses over it because he’s thinking about fact one? Maybe I need to pause between points to make sure he’s following me to the next point. I might think I’m being very clear, but if he’s stopped to smell the roses along the way, he’ll miss something.

Another possibility is that I’m not communicating as well as I think I am. Maybe I do leave gaps big enough for a bus to drive through. Maybe we need to record conversations to review later. Did I actually say what I thought I said? Did I say it the way I thought I said it? Did Lion not hear what I said? Or did he hear what he thought I said? Too many variables. It’s a wonder humans understand each other at all.

The only thing I can think of is for me to work on my communication skills and for Lion to work on his listening skills. I’m sure we each need to work on both points. I’m certainly prone to hearing things very differently from the way Lion said them. I tend to take his observations as criticisms when they weren’t intended that way at all.

I’m willing to wipe the slate clean this time even though our misunderstandings happened so close together. I may not be so nice next time.

Things are still not back to normal around here. If anything, they are worse. We’re both snapping at each other. Lion keeps pointing out chores that need to be done like he doesn’t think I see them. And no matter what I try to do, I seem to be wrong.

I brought out the yoga pillow so we could try it out. Lion annoyed me earlier in the day by saying I hadn’t specifically invited him to my son’s wedding. The only thing I said was whether it would be better for him to go with me or stay home – which was less of a problem. Stupid me. I assumed he realized when the invitation came that it was for both of us. It might have been addressed to me, but he hasn’t really had much contact with my kids over the years.

Anyway, it took a bit to figure out how Lion should position himself on the pillow and then I was hitting too hard and in the wrong spots. The pillow didn’t open his ass like I’d hoped but maybe there’s another position we should try. I don’t think his buns were even a little pink when we stopped. There’s always tonight. [Lion — The position I took on the pillow had me kneeling on the bed with my chest on the pillow. I’m not exactly sure why, but that position intensifies the pain in ways I find very hard to handle. When I am more stretched out with my legs straight, it is easier for me to take the pain.]

We snuggled for a bit and I don’t remember why I moved but Lion asked if we could snuggle again like we hadn’t snuggled at all. In both cases, I was rubbing his chest and he was watching TV. I think we’re both feeling so far apart that we don’t quite know how to get back together. Our marriage is not in trouble. We’re just not communicating very well. It’s not a case of one person giving in first. Maybe we’re both caught up in how the other one is snapping that we can’t see past that.

Julie gave me a nice comment about massaging each other with no expectation of sex. It would be a good way to be close without pressure. We can certainly give that a try. Neither of us would say no to a nice massage.

Beyond that, I think the television has got to go. I don’t mean physically ripping it off the wall. For a long time, I’ve said one of the problems is the TV. We use the bedroom for everything. The TV is usually on. Lion is quick to point out that we can pause or mute it at any time. Since he’s said we need more kissing and hugging, I’ve seen no evidence of the TV being paused or muted. If I’m snuggling with him, trying to get my weenie’s attention and he doesn’t pause the TV, then I assume he doesn’t really want attention. [Lion — Itisn’t just the TV. Mrs. Lion immediately picks up her iPad and begins playing games. If the TV is off, she is still playing with her iPad.}

At this point, though, I think the biggest hurdle is Lion thinking he’s a chore and that we’re not really having sex if it’s all for him. If we have to wait until I’m “fixed” then we might be in for a long dry spell. I’m hoping he’ll take pity on me and let me give him attention again. [Lion — It isn’t that I’m not letting Mrs. Lion give me attention. I just find it hard to react to the standard routine we have.]

Sometimes I’m not exactly sure what went wrong. Maybe it was because I didn’t check out Lion’s buns or ask how they felt. Maybe it was because I didn’t pull out a butt plug. When I came back from my shower and got under the covers, Lion said he wanted dessert. It’s true, I could have asked if he wanted any other kind of attention. Instead, I just assumed he didn’t. We held hands and then he fell asleep.

He’ll be the first to say if he falls asleep, I automatically remove the possibility of sex. It’s not absolutely true, but there have been times that I was ready to do something when he was sleeping and when he woke up I wasn’t in the mood. He also says I can wake him since he doesn’t usually realize he’s fallen asleep. The problem with that is I think if he’s asleep he must be tired. Waking him won’t help anyone. Of course, there are other times when I think he must be well rested after a nap so we can play then. Sometimes he wants to and other times he says it’s too late.

We may not communicate well at times, but boy do I know he wants to be waxed! He’s mentioned it several times including last night when he asked if I had any idea when I could wax him. Unbeknownst to him, I already had the pantry ready and was planning on telling him we’d do it today. Way to steal my thunder, Lion. Sheesh! At this point, the wax has been melting for about an hour. I estimate it will be ready by 3. Depending on how I feel as I get going, I may or may not be able to do the whole Lion in one shot. I usually do the front on one day and the back in another. Since it’s Sunday, there really isn’t another day until next weekend. However, Lion tends not to be very furry on the backside. That means I can either ignore it till next time or I can polish it off quickly. In either case, the most important parts will be done today.

As I wax him, I usually give him some weenie attention. As I oil him up or clean him off, we have some fun. Today, it will also be a gauge as to how horny he might be for later on. A very excited Lion at waxing time doesn’t always translate to a very excited Lion at night, but there’s a good chance it will. If nothing else, I’ll know if he’s open to the challenge.