Today is our seventeenth wedding anniversary. We are more in love now than we were last anniversary (if that’s possible). Without getting too mushy, we are mated for life. Neither of us can imagine being without the other. As you know, if you’ve been reading our recent posts, things aren’t perfect. They never are. The reason we remain very happily married is our approach to problems.
Before I go on, I want to say that our solutions aren’t perfect for us, but they work. What we do is probably strange to other people. But they work. Here are the highlights.
Every couple encounters little things that can develop into big problems. Leaving the toilet seat up and squeezing toothpaste from the middle of the tube are classic examples. Stuff like this can cause domestic wars. Conversations starting with, “You always….” invariably end up in a fight. Mrs. Lion never did that. She let things go. Eventually, something would trigger her, and she would stop talking to me and withdraw. It was horrible.
I realized that sooner or later, this sort of stuff could seriously damage our lives. I wanted a constructive way to handle these issues. That’s how spanking went from BDSM play to real punishment. The concept was simple. If I did one of those things that upset her, she would spank me. I figured that spanking me would be a way for her to let me know I did something she didn’t like. It would also help teach me to be more considerate.
She agreed. It took a few years for her to get comfortable enough with punishing me to deliver spankings that made an appropriate impression on me. She’s still working on punishing me for upsetting her. Most of my spankings are for breaking a rule, like not setting up the coffee pot.
It works. She as a voice. Conflicts are resolved efficiently and effectively. But what about things that she forgets? I can’t spank her if she forgets to do something she needs to do. It doesn’t matter. I’m not a bit submissive. I have no problem letting her know she needs to do something. I’m polite and considerate when I remind her. After all, she can spank me if I piss her off.
We have a power balance. I’m naturally dominant. She’s naturally accepting. She has real power because she can punish me when needed. It’s not BDSM play, and I don’t have any control over when I’m spanked. I take that very seriously and consciously work hard to keep my bottom away from her paddles. We’ve learned that even if I behave, she still needs to spank me once in a while. We both need reminding that she can make me very sorry I did something wrong.
Another area of potential trouble is sex. When we met twenty years ago, our sex drives matched perfectly. I had a big problem initiating. Mrs. Lion was happy to get my motor going. Over the years, she grew tired of her role and initiated less and less. Sex was a blow job or handjob once a month. I hated it. If I didn’t love her so much, I would have looked for a recreational partner. I couldn’t bring myself to do that.
About five years before I met her, I wrote about sex toys. I tried and reviewed a bunch of early male chastity devices. The idea of wearing one turned me on. The actual wearing was less thrilling. Anyway, it occurred to me that if I was locked in a male chastity device, I couldn’t initiate sex. Mrs. Lion would be in charge, and she could get things going. Maybe that would be fun for her.
She agreed to try it. She was sure I would want out in after a few days. I didn’t. She didn’t mind locking me up. That was in 2013. Ever since then, I haven’t masturbated once, and she has been my only source of release–no lionesses on the side. Is the arrangement perfect? Far from it. I haven’t had vaginal sex in over four years. Mrs. Lion lost her interest in sex over five years ago.
I want vaginal sex sometimes. She provides great oral and manual sex. I don’t want to be a brat. We’ve done what we can to manage a problem that causes a large percentage of divorces.
We understand how rare a gift we received. From a hookup in a motel to a twenty-year love affair is a story you don’t find very often. Once in a while, we talk about this lucky accident. We can’t explain it. We can’t offer tips on how others can stay in love and together despite serious issues. I think that we are meant to be together. Death is the only thing that will make us part.
[Mrs. Lion — The best thing I ever did was go on LavaLife. Within days, Lion contacted me. Within days of that, we met in person. The rest, as they say, is history. I hope it lasts for twenty more years.]