By:
In: Punishment, Mrs Lion Comments

Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. Ironically, I only cry when I try to talk about it. I regret not making that last phone call, but it isn’t crushing me as much as I thought it would. Normally, I do the shoulda, woulda, coulda thing and that lasts for a long time. I know there’s no right way to grieve, but I worry that it will hit me later. From past experience, I think it will pop up from time to time when someone says something she would have said. With my father, it’s seeing a “picaresque” view. He was famous for silly stories and intentionally pronouncing things wrong. I guess that’s what memories do; they hit you when you least expect them.

I may be getting better. I don’t normally give Lion hints about things he might have forgotten, but he was standing in the kitchen doorway last night and I knew he’d forgotten to set up the coffee pot. I asked if he was coming in. He said no. I asked if he was sure. He said he just came to see me. I said I thought he might want to come in. He still didn’t get it. I told him to come in to see if there was a reason he should look around. Aha! He finally got the hint.

As much as he may have wanted to be whomped, I didn’t really want to do it. Obviously he didn’t forget on purpose. After my hints, he said it might have been better to have been spanked. It might have made an impression on him and helped him remember in the future. I’m sure it would have. He tends to remember once he’s been swatted. Or does he? Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago when he forgot to set it up? I’m thinking he’s been so focused on how I’m feeling that he didn’t think about his own butt. He better. I’m not sure how long I won’t want to whomp him.

[Lion comments — I was focused on Mrs. Lion. That’s why I went into the kitchen. I also forgot about the coffeepot. From previous experience as well as reading other disciplinary blogs, we males tend to need “reminding” after a month or so. I read that a long time ago and dismissed it as spanking fiction. Damned if it isn’t true of me. I really don’t know why, but Mrs. Lion is right.]

By:
In: Lion's Journal

Mrs. Lion is doing her best to keep herself and our lives normal. She can’t. I don’t expect her to do anything beyond what works for her now. Taking care of me and my needs belongs on the bottom of her list. I know this creates conflicts for her. I think she feels guilty about turning inward. I understand and I am available for hugs and snuggles without sex.

I know she feels a sense of responsibility for my happiness. At times like this, that can add to the pain she is feeling. I feel it too. I understand the sense of loss she has. My mother suffered from dementia beginning when she was 74. I saw her a few times before it got too bad. After that, her husband didn’t want me to see her. He wanted my memories to be of her when she was herself. They lived in Florida and I was in New York. She lived another 14 years. Her husband, not my father, stayed with her until her death. Losing her was more than expected. I hoped it would come and take her from her suffering. When she finally passed, I missed her and, like Mrs. Lion, felt numb.

Just because something is inevitable doesn’t mean it can’t take you by surprise. You think you should be prepared. That means you feel guilty that you are reacting in a way you didn’t expect. Somehow you think you should have felt all the feelings in advance. That never works, at least for me. This isn’t true for catastrophic losses like a death in the family. It’s true for pretty much anything.

I admire Mrs. Lion. She knows that she is going to feel bad and has resolved to ride out the feelings. At least I hope she has. My job is to give her the support she needs to get through it.

By:
In: Mrs Lion Comments

As Lion said, I lost a close family member yesterday. He says I don’t like to tell how I’m feeling. In truth, I don’t know how I’m feeling. Sad, robbed, gutted, and even proud of my family member for finally letting go on her terms. It was an unexpected expected death. The kind you know is coming but you are both ready for and never ready for. Mostly, I guess, I’m just numb. I don’t want to say “what’s the point anymore” but that’s what I keep thinking. At least for now. I know the numbness will fade over time.

Because of COVID, there won’t be a funeral. There will be a ceremony of some sort in the spring or summer or whenever it is safe to do so. Maybe I’m numb because I know there won’t be any closure until then. Maybe not even then. I sort of need an open casket. When my uncle died, my aunt wanted a closed casket and I kept expecting my uncle to walk through the door asking why everyone was so sad. Everyone grieves in their own way. It will pass. I will care about things again.

The plan was to wax Lion this weekend. For obvious reasons, I’m less inclined to want to do that. I just feel like vegetating. He also needs a haircut. That requires less energy than waxing so I might be able to do that for him. I know he understands, but I also know I’m letting him down. He mentioned locking him in his cage might help his recent “broken” issue. If nothing else, and it may be nothing else for a few days, I can lock him up.

I don’t have a crystal ball, but I think I might be able to unlock him and play Sunday. Things won’t be alright then, but as time goes by they’ll get more manageable.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

Mrs. Lion didn’t write a post yesterday. She lost a close member of her family and needs time to regroup. As you probably know, she doesn’t like to show her feelings, but she was very sad. It wasn’t unexpected. No matter how much you prepare for something like this, it’s still a shock. We will snuggle and if she wants to talk about it, I will listen.

I appear to be broken again. On Thursday night, Mrs. Lion put in a valiant effort to get me to the edge. She couldn’t. That was 19 days since my last orgasm. I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m hoping that when she is in the mood to try again, I’ll be more responsive. She suggested that we play Spankardy on Thursday. By Final Jeopardy, I had amassed 58 swats. I bet just 10 on final. It was a category I don’t feel comfortable with. To both of our surprise, I answered correctly. Mrs. Lion gave me 48 swats. It was fun to play again. It’s been months since the last time.

We are starting our eighth year of male chastity. It was this week in December 2013 that I asked my lioness to lock me in a chastity device. She was sure I would quickly lose interest. I don’t think she had a real idea what it was about. But right from the beginning things changed. The big revelation was that I masturbated. Mrs. Lion had no idea I did that. I was shocked to learn that. I was even more surprised when she told me that she hated the idea of me jerking off. Her first rule was that I  could never do that again. She made it clear that she was serious. It really bothered her that I had been doing it.

We discussed it that first night. She surprised me again by telling me to jerk off while she watched. Given her dislike of the practice, I was confused and said so. She replied that she wanted to see my technique. She figured that if she copied what I did, she would have the most success giving me handjobs. She is a very good student.

In the years that followed, I never jerked off again. I also learned to live with a limited, controlled number of ejaculations. How many and how often are topics of conversation we share. Mrs. Lion is perfectly comfortable asking me how horny I am. Surprisingly, she is happy to tell me that it doesn’t matter. I will ejaculate when she decides to get me off.

All these years later, that doesn’t seem startling or unusual to me. But I wonder how many other men’s orgasms are topics of dinner conversation? Nothing is private about my sex life. It might have bothered me at one point, but now it is just the way things are.