Whenever I talk about our disciplinary relationship, I like to frame it in a BDSM sort of setting. It’s much more fun to be a “bad boy” than it is to think about things the way they really are.
I forgot to tell Mrs. Lion that Saturday was punishment day. One of my rules is to remind her of our punishment days. They are Monday, Thursday, and Saturday. I have until 8:30 PM on the day to remind her. Failing results in punishment.
Admittedly, our rules aren’t very important. They represent our disciplinary training wheels. For example, I’m required to prepare the coffee pot every day so that in the morning it’s ready to go. I am not to eat before Mrs. Lion begins. I have to avoid spilling food on my shirt. Mrs. Lion established these rules four years ago. They’ve served us well. Because they don’t represent serious problems that need correcting, it’s easy to use them to work out how domestic discipline fits into our marriage.
There has been a lot of experimentation. I asked Mrs. Lion to be more femdom about punishing me. That didn’t work at all. It’s just not what Mrs. Lion likes to do. It also felt a little silly to me. Most importantly, it distracted me from the reason I was being punished. Over the years, Mrs. Lion has established a style that is both effective and sustainable.
I had no real input into this. That makes sense, since she owns the role of disciplinarian. What happens now is that when she observes or remembers that I broke a rule, she’ll simply tell me. For example, on Sunday she said, “You didn’t remind me that Saturday was punishment day.”
She was right. I hadn’t. I told her that I forgot. She told me that she forgot too, but she doesn’t get punished when she forgets. I agreed. In her Sunday post, she commented that she planned to punish me later in the day before she gave me a haircut. Sure enough, in the middle of the afternoon, she went out of the bedroom and came back carrying my spanking pillow. This is a very firm triangular pillow that raises me higher from the bed and bends me in a good position for spanking.
I saw her bring it in. She didn’t say a word. I got up and positioned myself over the pillow on the edge of the bed. Without a word, she began spanking me. About halfway through the spanking, she said, “You forgot to remind me yesterday was spanking day.”
“I know,” I said. I was glad for the short break from being swatted. Then, without another word she went back to work with her paddle. I don’t know how long she continued, but I spent the entire time screaming into the comforter. When she stopped, she said, “that’s enough.”
I got up and she put the spanking pillow away. That was it. This may seem rather cold and not what you might imagine our FLRD is like. It certainly isn’t the way I imagined it when we began. If you think about it, this is a very sane model for domestic discipline. After all, we don’t need a brass band to announce every time I break a rule. Mrs. Lion doesn’t have to dress up in her leather outfit and give me a long lecture on why I should remember punishment days. She doesn’t need to have a large collection of striking implements at her side when she spanks me.
All that is just kink and fetish stuff. I like all that stuff. But this isn’t about what I like. Mrs. Lion has established a very simple, easy-to-understand cause and effect relationship between displeasing her and a painful session with her paddle. It’s simple enough so that even I can understand it. Break a rule, get a sore bottom. That’s all I need to know.
expanding my rules
For a long time, we have been discussing expanding my rules. I suggested that perhaps Mrs. Lion could enforce behavioral changes she would like to see. She hates it when I interrupt. She’s also very unhappy when I act like a know-it-all. She’s had a difficult time enforcing those two behavioral rules.
There’s a good reason for this. Things like becoming annoyed if I interrupt can be affected by other things going on in her life. For example, she’s much more likely to be annoyed at an interruption on the day when people at work and been giving her grief. She’s reasoned that is not fair to punish me for things other people did. I agree. But it leaves us unable to make the next step.
Other couples practicing domestic discipline generally enforce behavioral rules that are far less subtle. Things like drinking too much, staying out with the boys too late, or disregarding domestic duties. We have the last item covered. But I don’t drink, or go out with the boys, or come home from work too late. What I do is more subjective.
I suggested that Mrs. Lion pick a couple of behavioral items to enforce the same way she does my other rules. She agreed that would be a good idea. It stopped there. I think that interrupting and being a know-it-all are two easy-to-identify behavioral issues. Perhaps Mrs. Lion and I cooperate in terms of identifying times I do these things. I also suggest that we agree that every time I do them, I am punished the same way I am when I break other rules.
Since my other rules are rather trivial in nature, it isn’t a big stretch to suggest that punishing me for interrupting, even if Mrs. Lion is pissed off about work, isn’t really a big deal. After all, I get punished for forgetting to remind Mrs. Lion that Saturday is punishment day. I’m convinced that once she makes the connection between behavioral infractions and punishment, it will become the same sort of cause-and-effect disciplinary activity she does when I forget to set up the coffee pot.
It may seem odd that I’m writing about this. The simple fact is that our disciplinary relationship depends on both of us designing it. Obviously, Mrs. Lion has the final say. We both know that this is new territory for us. So far, we’ve been successful with this model. Trust me, it isn’t topping from the bottom. I help Mrs. Lion figure out next steps. I confess when I break a rule. It doesn’t take long before the extent of my participation is limited to getting into position over my spanking pillow to receive a punishment I’ve earned.
We’ve come a long way. Thank you Mrs. Lion!