Since I’ve been home sick, I’ve been reading lots of blogs. One of them, Wife’s In Charge, has captured my imagination. Dianne, the blogger, has been married over 2o years and in 2012 began domestic discipline. The reason I find this particular blog so fascinating is that she and her husband, Bob seem very similar to Mrs. Lion and I.
Before I go further, I want to point out that I think she spices up her posts to make them more sexually exciting to her male readers, but the ring of truth is there. Like me, her husband wasn’t punished as a child, but he fantasized about spanking most of his life. Like me, during their relationship. Bob asked his wife to spank him. Like Mrs. Lion, she obliged with play spankings. Our stories diverge there. According to Dianne, Bob went to a childhood friend and had her spank him. She discovered this and punished him severely. The rest, as they say, is history.
In our case, I asked Mrs. Lion to take charge and spank me when I broke a rule. After more than a year of experimenting with spanking, she decided to give me what I wished for and bruised my bottom with a true disciplinary spanking. This was followed with another the next day when I interrupted her. Since then I haven’t been punished.
According to Dianne, Bob only earns a disciplinary spanking a few times a year now. For a long time he misbehaved and was punished at least once a month. This bothered her. Shouldn’t he be learning his lessons better than this? She realized that he still wanted to be spanked. Not the disciplinary kind he had been getting, but he wanted to be spanked even if the activity was so severe. When Dianne realized this, she let Bob know he could ask for a spanking if he wants one. She was concerned that he would confuse the sexy, play spankings with the real ones.
For that reason she held off from any but disciplinary spanking. Finally, she decided to give him fun ones too. To make it totally clear that play and disciplinary spankings are different, she only used her hand for the fun sessions. Disciplinary spankings incorporated paddles, straps, and sometimes a cane. She never used her bare hand to punish him. Generally, after a play spanking, they would have sex.
That seems a lot like us. We are too new at severe punishments to have enough experience to work out all the details yet. Dianne uses other punishments as well. They are all traditional childhood punishments. She uses these, she says, for lesser offenses.
The reason this is remarkable to me is that Wife’s In Charge is the only domestic discipline blog I have found that is even close to what I think of as a real-life DD marriage. I think it is a good model for us. Mrs. Lion has read some posts there too. She tends to point out the ways Dianne and Bob are different from us.
I’ve exchanged a couple of emails with Dianne. Mrs. Lion has read them. I have no secrets from her. We have very different views on input from others. I hope that over time Mrs. Lion will find other women who she can share with. She may never want to do this. In the meantime I want to share this valuable resource with you.
Reading her blog has, at times, turned me on. As you know, I like the idea of being spanked. The reality of 2.0 and her truly severe spankings hasn’t dampened the fantasy. This is one of the ways I identify with Bob. I don’t know if Mrs. Lion will think my arousal reading Dianne’s blog is an offense. I’m not saying that the blog is porn, but it is sexual. Dianne clearly writes it with the intention of turning on her male readers. This is a pattern I’ve observed when reading spanking blogs. The female authors freely admit this.
Since I don’t particularly enjoy porn, the question of online arousal has never come up. Since Mrs. Lion previews all my posts, the subject has been raised (pun intended). My motive may not be entirely pure. It’s been a couple of weeks since my last meeting with a paddle. Reading Dianne’s hot spanking stories has gotten me thinking about being spanked. ‘Nuff said.
For the record, I’ve been caged and any arousal has not been aided by my hand. Mrs. Lion’s weenie is safely caged out of my reach. Other than finding the writing arousing, I’ve gotten some excellent insights from this blog. It’s a good read.
Your reaction to that blog is interesting. I think Dianne realizes that some readers find the blog titillating, and I believe that dampened her enthusiasm for doing it. I doubt she would agree that she has any intent to make it titillating, even if some view it that way. I believe that led to the long hiatus she took.
As much as I like F/M spanking, I find what she does too rough, severe and disproportionate to the “offense” to be arousing, especially when she describes its impact on Bob (e.g., “Bob was a blubbering mess”). She gave him a 30 stroke caning for not mentioning something about an incident at work which she considered lying by omission.
The early posts about how Dianne teamed up with Bob’s high school friend to jointly punish him are particularly brutal, and even Dianne admitted that it “really could almost be considered a beating” (a word she doesn’t like).
Is that where you really want to take this?
You make good points. I can’t speak to what actually happened in Dianne’s experience. But I know how I am affected. First and foremost, in her life and mine, all these activities are absolutely consensual. I asked Mrs. Lion to spank me. It’s taken her well over a year to get to the point where the spankings are becoming disciplinary. Adult spanking outside of BDSM scenes is very different than people imagine. Like Diane’s husband Bob, I find the idea of being spanked arousing. This hasn’t changed even though I have gotten a few very painful punishments. So, if spanking is to be used as a real (not play) punishment, it has to be severe enough to remove any sexual component for me.
I’ve been topped in BDSM scenes and I suspect that you would find what I received to be brutal. However, I liked it. Does that mean a punishment spanking has to be even more brutal? No, not necessarily. It just has to be painful and never let me feel an endorphin high. All that aside, there is an important point that can be overlooked when reading about the punishment itself: What was the objective?
In my case, I am punished for three reasons:
1. To make me understand how what I did made Mrs. Lion feel.
2. To teach me to avoid the offense in the future
3. Most important — to clear the air; to remove any guilt I may have and to let Mrs. Lion have closure.
Because I am a big, strong guy, a spanking has to get past the point that I can just shrug it off. If I yelp and scream, even cry, it means I am getting the message. I’ve never been a “blubbering mess,” but I can imagine reaching that point. From my limited experience, reaching tears and continuing to be spanked past that point doesn’t seem particularly horrid. It’s not that I am a masochist. I’m not. It’s that all those reactions are clearly natural reactions to the pain of the spanking.
It’s not a “beating” because there is little-to-no injury. When the spanking (or caning) is over, the sensation diminishes quickly. Dianne describes caning as particularly severe. As a top, it was the most requested activity I got from bottoms. I’ve been caned in scenes. The sensation is very intense, but I wouldn’t call it the most painful. Paddling to me is worse than caning. Mrs. Lion has some straps and slappers (actually they were mine and I used them for years as a top) that hurt more than the paddles. She’s only strapped me once and took it easy.
You can say that I am informed consumer. I fully understand what it happening. Do I want the sort of “brutal” beatings Dianne describes? No, of course not. Would I accept them if Mrs. Lion felt they were required? Yes I would. She made the point in a recent post that I control all this. If I behave as she wishes and remember what I am supposed to do, then I won’t be punished at all. If I do things that I know are destructive like interrupting (a serious issue in a business context), then I expect to pay for it. If I keep failing to learn, then the punishments should become more severe.
How do you know when a punishment is severe enough? This is a question I’ve thought about a lot. The simple answer is when it works. Mrs. Lion has entered a new, more severe, phase in punishing me. She’s on the right track. I’m not looking for more, but I have to admit we probably have a way to go. It isn’t fun and it isn’t for everyone. But like Dianne’s Bob, I seem to respond positively to punishment. A sore bottom for a few days is a very reasonable price for the sort of changes I can make. Like Bob, I asked to be punished. I have no intention of withdrawing my permission.
You have a point about the crying. I’ve been spanked past the point of heavy crying once. Conceptually, it bothered me after the fact but not at the time. I have experienced worse pain, and the crying was triggered by the pain but driven by the fragile emotional state I was in at the time. Subsequent spankings have been more painful and have not led to tears.
In both of your cases, it seems like the punishment is disproportionate to the offense, but I guess you’re more focused on tuning the severity to the goal of eradicating the behavior and not the idea of how “bad” the offense was.
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