By:
In: Lion's Journal

Some of the issues that come up when we think about domestic discipline and the other power exchanges discussed on this blog are relevant to vanilla relationships as well. This is particularly true of domestic discipline.

This may seem odd at first. But think about what happens in a typical relationship if one partner upsets the other. In most cases there is no overt response, but there are hurt feelings and a storehouse of anger begins to fill. Over time, this anger leaks out in the form of passive-aggressive hostility, over reaction to small things, or alienation. In short, there are eventual consequences to any discord.

The domestic discipline power exchange offers an avenue for one partner to deal with behavioral issues. What about me, the disciplined husband? Do things my lioness do that annoys me mount up until there is an explosion of some kind? Has domestic discipline only half solved the problem? I don’t think so.

Any power exchange, sexual or otherwise, represents a special kind of communication between the partners. There is two-way trust. The dominant partner trusts that strict exercise of power will not end the partnership. The submissive partner trusts the dominant partner is acting out of love and concern.

Both people are consciously playing their roles with the assurance that doing so will not hurt what they already have. In my many years involved in the BDSM world, I have seen almost no cases of power exchanges resulting in abuse. I think the reason is that both members recognize the exceptional level of trust that is involved. They also know, or will quickly learn, that the only way the power exchange will succeed is if they constantly communicate about what is going on.

It’s this communication, not the surrender and control, that I think makes the difference. If I trust Mrs. Lion to arbitrarily beat me when she feels I need punishment, then I certainly trust that I can let her know if something is bothering me. Similarly, if Mrs. Lion understands that she can truly hurt me or prevent me from having sex when I desperately want it, she also has to understand that I won’t turn on her and hurt her, or hate her when she exercises her control.

I’ve come to understand that the combination of trust and communication is the forge that creates durable relationships. That denial and those spankings are much more than hot BDSM activities. They are the tools that continue building an unshakable, lifelong partnership.

By:
In: 2.0

I was thinking last night about balls. Lion’s balls specifically. Or, more correctly, my balls. He just carries them around for me. I was playing with them last night and I was thinking how nice they look when Lion bends over. He tells me I can always make him bend over so I can enjoy the view. I know I can, but I think it’s those random exposures that make it even more fun.

I don’t think I’ll run around the house dropping things just to make him pick them up. That would be too staged. If I want to see hanging balls I can make him get on his knees on the bed. I do love that too, but it’s the unexpected surprise ball sightings that I really love. Similar to flashing a man your boobs. Surprise! I assume men wouldn’t mind a staged version of a boob flash too.

At any rate, I was massaging my balls and stroking my weenie and Lion didn’t seem to be getting very hard. I asked him if manual stimulation was not enough. His power stimulator is still in the camper. I didn’t offer oral stimulation. He said he was getting hard and that it felt good. We were snuggling so I sat up to take a closer look. He was right. It was working, slowly but surely. I hadn’t gotten a Lion weather report until around 9:30 so I wasn’t sure if he was even horny. He said he was and proved it by getting very hard.

I edged him without giving him too much time in between. I made sure I always had contact with my balls, if not my weenie. I didn’t want him to have an opportunity to calm down. Toward the end I edged him with almost no time in between. Then I sucked him for a few minutes. Just enough to get his motor running and then I stopped. It was not orgasm night. I could have been. But no. My weenie needs to wait a while longer. A few more days. Maybe a few days longer than that. The date on the calendar says he has almost a week to wait.

The date in 2.0’s mind may be different. 2.0 may not even have a date in her mind. She’ll know when she’s ready. She knows he’s already ready. And she doesn’t really care. The bitch.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Punishment

Sometimes I fall back into believing that in order to “work,” enforced chastity and FLR have to be new and exciting. If everything feels routine, I can start believing that we are backsliding. After all, the thinking goes, if I am not nursing a sore bottom, domestic discipline isn’t going on. After all, it was my passion (and arousal) that got us into all this in the beginning. So, my reasoning goes, if I don’t feel that thrill something is wrong.

I think an objective observer might disagree. Am I obeying Mrs. Lion? Have I been following all my rules? Have I been under Mrs. Lion’s sexual control. The answer to all these questions is “yes.” So, things are going very well indeed. Why then would I feel something is missing? Do I have to get aroused when I think about being disciplined in order to prove we are practicing domestic discipline? Of course not!

If I feel that something is missing, should I deliberately disobey Mrs. Lion? Should I provoke discipline? Do I need to complain about being horny? The real question for me, at least, is: Do I need to actively feel Mrs. Lion’s power for me to believe I am under her control? By that token, the better trained I become, the more unhappy I will be because I won’t be directly experiencing her power.

So, if I am not to intentionally misbehave, the only other way to make me experience Mrs. Lion’s power is for her to increase her control in such a way I will be disciplined and be forced to wait longer and longer for an orgasm. Is escalation a necessary part of a functioning enforced chastity/FLR relationship? I’ve been wondering that for some time.

I am very sure that, at least for now, I need to feel her authority. Mrs. Lion handles my need to feel her sexual control by edging me almost every day. Feeling that orgasm almost arriving only to have her stop and frustrate me, sends a very clear message to me. No matter how often I actually get to come, each edging session underlines who is in charge.

Discipline is a more difficult subject. I don’t think we have a solution there. Until very recently, Mrs. Lion has been taking it easy when I earned a spanking for breaking one of my rules. True, the rules I broke weren’t very earth shaking. I might have gotten food on my shirt or ate before her. Her response was appropriate for such minor offenses.

She wasn’t being gentle. Oh no, those spankings hurt. But we both knew that they were far from as severe as Mrs. Lion had been in the past. I got her point anyway. But there was a subtle problem with those less severe spankings. At some level I took the rules I broke less seriously. That’s not terrible. What I didn’t realize until very recently was that I was also feeling less controlled as well. Then, last week I needed discipline. Without warning, I was spanked more severely. It served as a wake-up call. I hated every second of it. But after the sting started to subside, I realized that I felt more settled. I was happier. What this means for my future, I have yet to discover.

By:
In: 2.0

I’ll try to make this a very quick post. I returned to a mountain of work and I have to leave early to meet the insurance adjuster about our camper mishap.

By the time we got home last night, Lion and I were done for. Dinner consisted of a glorified TV dinner. We didn’t even have the energy to go out to eat. And forget about bringing things in from the camper. The only thing that made it in was the laundry hamper. The end of season purge will likely start this weekend.

Needless to say, we were not in the mood for play. Well, I wasn’t. Lion probably was. I’m not sure why driving/riding for seven hours left me achy all over, but I wasn’t moving very fast, if at all. Lion has had a shoulder issue for a few weeks now. We’re a mess.

I’m hoping tonight we’ll at least snuggle and perhaps I’ll edge my pet. Any actual play may wait for the weekend. We’ll see how we feel.

The other thing I noticed, and I think we’ve both made this comment before, is that we don’t tend to kiss as much when we’re together for the day/weekend/extended periods of time. During the week, when we’re heading to and from work, we make sure to kiss each other. And, of course, there’s the good night kiss. But when we’re together, I don’t know if we just assume being together is enough or what it is. I’d like to see that change. I mean, I don’t think we need to be all kissy face all the time, but a kiss or two throughout the day would be nice.

2.0 has spoken!