Do We Need Escalation?

Sometimes I fall back into believing that in order to “work,” enforced chastity and FLR have to be new and exciting. If everything feels routine, I can start believing that we are backsliding. After all, the thinking goes, if I am not nursing a sore bottom, domestic discipline isn’t going on. After all, it was my passion (and arousal) that got us into all this in the beginning. So, my reasoning goes, if I don’t feel that thrill something is wrong.

I think an objective observer might disagree. Am I obeying Mrs. Lion? Have I been following all my rules? Have I been under Mrs. Lion’s sexual control. The answer to all these questions is “yes.” So, things are going very well indeed. Why then would I feel something is missing? Do I have to get aroused when I think about being disciplined in order to prove we are practicing domestic discipline? Of course not!

If I feel that something is missing, should I deliberately disobey Mrs. Lion? Should I provoke discipline? Do I need to complain about being horny? The real question for me, at least, is: Do I need to actively feel Mrs. Lion’s power for me to believe I am under her control? By that token, the better trained I become, the more unhappy I will be because I won’t be directly experiencing her power.

So, if I am not to intentionally misbehave, the only other way to make me experience Mrs. Lion’s power is for her to increase her control in such a way I will be disciplined and be forced to wait longer and longer for an orgasm. Is escalation a necessary part of a functioning enforced chastity/FLR relationship? I’ve been wondering that for some time.

I am very sure that, at least for now, I need to feel her authority. Mrs. Lion handles my need to feel her sexual control by edging me almost every day. Feeling that orgasm almost arriving only to have her stop and frustrate me, sends a very clear message to me. No matter how often I actually get to come, each edging session underlines who is in charge.

Discipline is a more difficult subject. I don’t think we have a solution there. Until very recently, Mrs. Lion has been taking it easy when I earned a spanking for breaking one of my rules. True, the rules I broke weren’t very earth shaking. I might have gotten food on my shirt or ate before her. Her response was appropriate for such minor offenses.

She wasn’t being gentle. Oh no, those spankings hurt. But we both knew that they were far from as severe as Mrs. Lion had been in the past. I got her point anyway. But there was a subtle problem with those less severe spankings. At some level I took the rules I broke less seriously. That’s not terrible. What I didn’t realize until very recently was that I was also feeling less controlled as well. Then, last week I needed discipline. Without warning, I was spanked more severely. It served as a wake-up call. I hated every second of it. But after the sting started to subside, I realized that I felt more settled. I was happier. What this means for my future, I have yet to discover.

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  1. Author

    You’ve mentioned in the past a “sweet spot” for the period of your orgasm denial (around ten days, as I recall). I find for me (and it turns out that some dim memories of a psychology class bear this out) that a random reward period is the most effective. Psychology says this is true for behavior modification, but I find that it works to keep the erotic ember burning brightly, too.

    For my wife and I this works out well, because neither of us are particularly structured people, and it’s my strong desire that she unlock me for sex when she really feels like it, not because of an arbitrary schedule. In practice, this could mean as frequently as two or even three times in a week, or as much as a month or more. (As I mentioned earlier, I’m beginning to find that as I keep her more satisfied orally, she seems to have less frequent desire for penetrative sex, which puts me in a bit of a dilemma, since I do love pleasing her…)

    In addition to the unpredictability of my orgasms, frequent teasing, of all types, also seems to be a critical part of maintaining the excitement – you Lions seem to have this well covered. For us, the physical teasing could almost seem like a habit now, but it never gets boring, at least to me! Almost inevitably, she gets me so worked up that I frantically pursue the only relief available to me, which is generally going down on her. Again, she seems to be enjoying the way things are going more and more.

  2. Author

    Damn – I hit “Post” before I made my point: For us anyway, I don’t think escalation (of denial period) is absolutely necessary, although it seems to naturally happen a bit over time. It’s more the randomness that keeps things alive for us.

    This all speaks to chastity and orgasm denial; it’s quite possible that domestic discipline might work rather differently. Random punishment, as it turns out, is the least effective corner of the matrix (reward/punishment versus random/regular) for behavior modification. This is outside my experience, but hundreds of lab rats apparently feel this way…

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