March 2015 (Page 14)

Unlike most of the country, we haven’t had a bad winter. We didn’t even have a lot of the rain we usually get. The cynic in me wonders if we will get hit with it all at once this month. In some respects I wish we had had a normal winter. There’s been too much sun. What? I’m not complaining about the sun. I wouldn’t want to piss off the sun god and have him shun us. But I see the flowers and the trees starting to bloom and I want to be outside. Or at least not working.

I think working two jobs is getting to me. They aren’t strenuous jobs. They don’t take a lot of thought. But they can be stressful. And boring. I spend the first part of the week fixing my coworkers’ mistakes. I spend the second part of the week trying to undo computers’ mistakes. At a certain point I hate both my coworkers and the computers. And then the sun is out, so all I want to do is anything but my jobs.

What does this have to do with anything? Well I don’t really have a day off. And by the time I get home I don’t really feel like doing much. And this is bad for Lion business. At this point, Lion is home all day and he’s really happy to see me. He wants to be with me and do things with me. I’m happy to see him too. I want to be with him, but doing things, any things, is not on the top of my list. The past few nights I’ve found myself standing in the shower under the running water with no idea how long I’ve just been standing there.

Last night Lion told me he was frisky. He noticed I wasn’t. I’m not sure when I was frisky last, but it’s been a long time. And I realized he wanted to snuggle or play. He didn’t get much of a play session Tuesday night so it makes sense he would be looking for something last night. From my point of view, it was not a play night. It was my day off from that. I realize that sounds strange. Why wouldn’t I want to snuggle or play? As I’ve mentioned before, I am famous for my inertia. What I crave right now, with Lion not working, with me working two jobs, with our agreement to play every other day, is inertia. It’s odd to me that I am actually being protective of my time that is not carved out for another activity. I need to be a couch potato. I need a vacation. I need to win the lottery. I need to snap out of it.

Yesterday I suggested that Lion needed more of my control. Ironically I think I need to give it to him. I can’t let myself slip back into not doing things. I was never going to give up the every other day play sessions, but I feel inertia beckoning. As much as I want to become a lump and just lay around the house, I need to keep moving. It’s difficult though. Being a lump is easy. Being in control of Lion is hard. I have to get my mind working on ways to make him feel my control.

The problem, of course, is that I am not only fighting Lion. I’m fighting myself. And myself has an alliance with inertia. As much as I balk at structure and scheduling, I think that’s exactly what I need to have. I just have to figure out how to do it.

“A man will listen to anything if he thinks it’s foreplay.” (Susan Surandon, Bull Durham, 1988) This very-true-if-cynical line is one of the most fundamental truths about male sexuality. In some respects we are uncomplicated creatures when it comes to sex. Nature wired us have a high tolerance for anything if the end result is an orgasm. In fact, many of us love all that stuff we go through for that three-second glorious goal. There is a common misconception that all men want to get to that orgasm as quickly as possible. That was once true of me when I was younger. It seems to me that the more orgasms we can have in a day, the less we value the steps leading to it.

This could have something to do with the fact that people who pursue enforced chastity tend to be older. Over time. some of us learn that the chase is as much fun as the goal. There are lots of denigrating expressions like, leading him around by his cock that allude to the same concept Susan Surandon expressed so concisely.  This isn’t accidental. Almost all mammals only have sex when the female is in estrus, capable of being fertilized. Only a few species engage in sex regardless of the female’s ability to conceive. Some evolutionary scientists believe that our recreational sex is a survival strategy. If women were only available for sex during their fertile days, there would be no incentive for the males to hang around the rest of the time.

That may sound demeaning, but it makes sense. So, the desire to get off is a social tool to keep males home instead of going out with the guys. At a very basic level, males of most species, including us, are motivated by the desire for an orgasm. Women are more complex sexual creatures. While many women have very strong libidos, it is rarely at the top of their priorities. I suspect that one of the reasons we males puzzle them is that they just can’t understand why we would put getting off above so many more important things.

Kink, I think, is just increasing the emphasis on something that is common to all of us. In the case of enforced chastity, it’s the exciting feeling of being led around by the cock; waiting for the big finish. We males are conditioned from birth to yield to females. We are taught that we will get a nice treat if we are good. You can see why we might want to surrender sexual control, right? Obviously, my desire to consciously give up control and be locked up is a magnification of the normal male reaction to females, but it is, at the bottom, normal.

This tidbit is a key piece of information for key holders. It is the basic truth behind all those weird fantasies we males have. Enforced chastity is the ultimate way to be led around by our cocks. It converts a somewhat subtle process into an overt expression of dominance and submission. That’s it. There may be elaborate fantasies and requests for activities like spanking or bondage, but the bottom line is that we want to be led around by our cocks.

Once a keyholder understands this, it’s easy to keep us happy. Just figuratively lead us around by our penises. Make us earn our infrequent orgasms. Punish us as necessary. Let us know that we won’t even get hard unless you decide we deserve it. Any sexual pleasure we get will be a treat you decide to give us. That’s the key. The rest that can turn a game into a lifestyle will follow.

Enforced chastity can be a game that is played over short periods of time. I suspect that most people play this way. But it can also be part of a couple’s lifestyle. That is our situation. We started because I have long had fantasies of being locked in a chastity device. I had years to refine these fantasies into an exciting mind movie. Real life enforced chastity, it unsurprisingly turns out, has very little in common with my movie.  In some ways it’s less exciting. In all ways real life is way better.

One thing that most bottoms, including me, want are new experiences. But if we are  practicing full-time enforced chastity, it’s unreasonable to expect Mrs. Lion to come up with endless new ways to torture me. She worries that I will become bored if she doesn’t keep coming up with new stuff. I won’t. I think I know how to prevent this from happening.

While it is always fun to try something new, the real kick for me is hearing Mrs. Lion acknowledge my condition (being locked) and my helplessness. Words, in my case, have a very big impact. I think, for me at least, words are as powerful as actions. The key to enforced chastity isn’t the hardware; it’s the surrender of sexual control. Mrs. Lion owns my orgasms regardless of whether or not my penis is locked up. The key is control, not toys.

The same thing is true of domestic discipline / WLM. It’s about control, not punishment. Of course, to be fair, my fantasies always include spanking and other forms of punishment. But that is how my fantasies play. I hope that will be part of our experiment in domestic discipline, but I am very sure that over time, punishment will have a place in our relationship, but it will be reserved for situations where I need correction.

We don’t know yet what will need correction. Critical thinking about my behavior is not something Mrs. Lion normally does. Nor, for that matter, do I. But in the context of our new wife-led marriage, both of us will have to learn. Mrs. Lion is a very fast learner. Monday, I changed the bed and put a new comforter on it. I did it because it needed to be done. I had a dinner meeting. When I came home, I found a “Good Lion” coupon for an extra non-orgasmic play session as a reward. That meant a lot to me.