Lion had a night out with friends last night. He hasn’t done that in a long time. I was home alone with the dog. The other day I said I needed some time to myself. I also said I’d probably be bored. Well, I wasn’t bored, but I did miss Lion. It’s funny how you can take something for granted. Lion is always home. I am always home. If we aren’t home, we are either at work or out together somewhere. When one of us isn’t home, we miss each other. Lion did have fun, but he missed me too. I know. You’re thinking that’s so sweet you’ll just lapse into a sugar coma. Well it is sweet. Lion is sweet.

He reminded me early in the day it was punishment day so he’s off the hook for that. And he changed the bed and washed the sheets. That little trick earned him a Good Lion coupon for an extra play session of his choice. There was nothing on his punishment list so his buns weren’t toasted last night. I told him I could give him a swat because he hadn’t earned any. He said I could if I wanted to. Of course I could. But I was just teasing him. If anything, it’s my fault he didn’t have anything on the list. I must not have been paying attention.

Lion said last night that he thinks the ruined orgasms are helping him endure his sixteen day wait. If that’s true then he won’t mind the few waits coming up that are longer. All I have to do is give him the occasional ruined orgasm and he can breeze right through a month. Or more. I think Lion’s heart just skipped a beat. Well, I won’t make him wait a month. I don’t remember what the longest wait is but it’s not a month. Relax, my pet. Actually, I miss having him tell me how horny he is. Eight more days until the ruined orgasm experiment is over. We can make it, Lion.

Enforced male chastity and wife led marriage are pretty selfish from the man’s point of view. The obvious assumption is that the man is giving up control and submits to his wife. That sounds like the woman is the one who wins. But that’s not true. In reality, the woman gets a whole lot of extra work to do. The theoretical benefits of less work and more orgasms are male fantasies. I would give Mrs. Lion all the orgasms she wants with or without these kinks. We continue to share the work at  home. The bottom line is that Mrs. Lion has a lot more work to do thanks to my request to be locked up.

Over the last year I have thought about our activities from different directions. No matter which way I look at it, Mrs. Lion is giving and I am taking. She has considerable extra work to do in order to properly manage and control me. I know why she does it: because she knows it makes me happy and secure. I know her hard work is driven by love for me. But there is a very big difference between knowing and accepting.

Mrs. Lion means more to me than anything in the world. The last thing I want to do is make her life more difficult. Yet, over the last year, that’s exactly what I have done. All this time I have been hoping she would discover some benefits that would add to her happiness. That hasn’t happened. I suspect that this is the case for others as well. Does that mean at some point, instead of bringing us closer, enforced chastity will push us apart? Will my guilt at not being able to reciprocate make me want to stop?

I’ve seen this dilemma before. It occurs in any long-term, power-exchange relationship. Contrary to popular belief, the dominant partner almost always gets the short end of the stick. Even if the top loves the rush of power, over time that rush disappears and the dominant role just becomes routine. Then, it becomes painful to the top to be in a relationship that has a strong basis in what is, essentially, an agreement to perform work. I don’t think that will ever happen to Mrs. Lion and me. The core of our relationship is our enduring love for one another.

I don’t want our power exchange to turn into a chore like doing the laundry. I don’t want to be one more item on her to-do list. I don’t want to become a chore. It’s all not bleak for Mrs. Lion. She has found a bit of a silver lining in our activities. The day-in-day-out requirements of enforced male chastity has made us much more physically intimate. This intimacy is currently one way. Mrs. Lion’s libido is still asleep. I think that she still benefits. We spend a lot more time snuggling, hugging, and kissing. Our individual sexual interests and needs are in the foreground and we communicate about them on a daily basis.

That’s good news. Is it good enough? It is for me. I’ve learned that one of the side effects of losing control, at least for me, is feeling guilty that I have added so much of a burden to my keyholder/top. Enforced male chastity is all about the male. How can I help but feel selfish?

[ Mrs. Lion – Funny, I tend to feel like the selfish one. I always feel like I should be doing more. More cooking. More cleaning. More everything. ]

I had two thoughts last night: I hope I can report, without jinxing myself, that my ruined orgasm experiment is going well. As of today it’s been a month since I had an orgasm.

Lion thinks ruined orgasms take the edge off. He says he is not as horny as he would have been without that little pressure relief. Perhaps. But I’m not only studying the effects of them on Lion’s libido. I’m also getting some good practice in the art of the ruined orgasm. Last night I was considering just playing with Lion. No edging. No ruined orgasm. Just take Mr. Weenie out for a spin and lock him away again. Instead I decided to go right for the ruined orgasm. I didn’t edge him at all. Needless to say, there was not a lot of ejaculate. I wasn’t even really sure I had gotten him until he confirmed it. I’m sure it wasn’t much fun for my poor pet, but that’s too bad. I am on a mission to perfect my own technique.

If we were practicing female chastity, I’m afraid it would be very boring for Lion. There would be no pleading for release on my part. Although, as I write this, I can see how not being able to have an orgasm might make me want one more than I do now. You know, you always want what you can’t have. Unfortunately, for Lion at least, I have not missed having an orgasm. I can, and have, gone months without one. I never kept track of the time between because it was of no interest to me. Completely the opposite of Lion. And it was nothing I was striving for anyway. Unlike Lion, who wants to have a long wait, I don’t see it as a badge of honor. I don’t see it as anything. I don’t even think about it until I look at my orgasm calendar which is still set to February 2.

Oddly enough, I think I view the scheduled orgasm the same way I view Lion holding doors open for me. Unnecessary and a little annoying. Scheduled orgasms seemed forced to me. I know they helped Lion. It was a time when he was guaranteed not to be shot down. But it was a lot of pressure on me. Having an orgasm when you don’t care about having an orgasm is not the most fun. I thought maybe it would jump start something, but it’s obvious something else is going on. I’m just not sure if it’s physical or mental. Organic or chemical. And I can open my own doors, darn it. (Not a true analogy since I don’t care about giving myself orgasms either.) I guess I’m just a lower middle class girl with an upper middle class Lion who has boarding school manners and sometimes that pinkie-in-the-air tea drinking makes me uncomfortable. (He doesn’t really drink tea with his pinkie in the air.)

So what have I learned in the past few days? I am getting pretty good at ruined orgasms. And I still don’t care about orgasms for myself. I don’t think Lion is very happy with either of these.

Saturday I had terrible abdominal cramps. It may be a side effect of a new med I am taking. In any case, I was in a lot of pain. The last thing I wanted to think about was enforced chastity. I contemplated an emergency room visit, but decided it wasn’t necessary unless the pain continued on Sunday. While in bed I thought I would like the Jail Bird off. There was no discomfort, I just didn’t want anything on me. I didn’t say anything to Mrs. Lion. I realized that there was no reason to remove it. Yes, on or off, there was absolutely no way I would have any interest in sexual activity, but still I didn’t want to take my wedding ring off, so why should I want to be uncaged?

I know that a lot of guys spend a good part of the time uncaged. Frequently this is due to discomfort wearing their devices. I forget the device is there. It’s that comfortable. Anyway, I realized that unless there is a really good reason, I want to stay in my Jail Bird. It’s true that I like feeling that I have no control over my sexual pleasure, but even in a situation where sex is the farthest thing from my mind, I still want it there. To us, the chastity device is a symbol of our commitment to continued sexual intimacy. It’s a symbol of my surrender to Mrs. Lion, and it assures her that she and only she can give me sexual pleasure.

What began as a hot game has morphed into a key part of our commitments to each other. That may seem odd to you, but that’s how it is for us. I know others feel this way too. In many ways this is much easier for me than it is for Mrs. Lion. It’s true that I have surrendered control. But that is something I want to do. So it isn’t a sacrifice for me. It’s my wish. Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, has taken on control she never wanted. I have the Jail Bird to remind me of my commitment. Mrs. Lion has no such symbol.

Maybe there should be a keyholder token too. I know that some keyholders wear the key to their caged male’s cage on a necklace or bracelet. The key to the Jail Bird is a security screwdriver. It is most unattractive. I’ve been thinking about getting Mrs. Lion a decorative key pendant on a silver or gold chain. I think she would like that. Symbols are much more important than we may think. There is comfort and security in them.

For many, maybe even most, enforced chastity is a very hot game. It may be part of a larger D/S game. That’s great. It can be part of a WLM (Wife Led Marriage), but it isn’t necessary for that. For some of us, it’s a key part of our sexual relationship. In our case, it isn’t really part of our brand new WLM. Domestic discipline is administered independent of our enforced chastity activities. It may well stay that way. It could be integrated, of course. Mrs. Lion can delay release and cancel play sessions easily. So far she hasn’t done that. She may never.

I know Mrs. Lion would have unlocked me if I asked. I was really sick and uncomfortable. Even during the worst of it, I found myself touching the cage. Somehow it was reassuring that it was there.

[ Mrs. Lion – I was going to ask if Lion wanted to be unlocked, but I was concerned he would get upset and I didn’t want him in pain and upset at the same time. ]