Unlike most of the country, we haven’t had a bad winter. We didn’t even have a lot of the rain we usually get. The cynic in me wonders if we will get hit with it all at once this month. In some respects I wish we had had a normal winter. There’s been too much sun. What? I’m not complaining about the sun. I wouldn’t want to piss off the sun god and have him shun us. But I see the flowers and the trees starting to bloom and I want to be outside. Or at least not working.
I think working two jobs is getting to me. They aren’t strenuous jobs. They don’t take a lot of thought. But they can be stressful. And boring. I spend the first part of the week fixing my coworkers’ mistakes. I spend the second part of the week trying to undo computers’ mistakes. At a certain point I hate both my coworkers and the computers. And then the sun is out, so all I want to do is anything but my jobs.
What does this have to do with anything? Well I don’t really have a day off. And by the time I get home I don’t really feel like doing much. And this is bad for Lion business. At this point, Lion is home all day and he’s really happy to see me. He wants to be with me and do things with me. I’m happy to see him too. I want to be with him, but doing things, any things, is not on the top of my list. The past few nights I’ve found myself standing in the shower under the running water with no idea how long I’ve just been standing there.
Last night Lion told me he was frisky. He noticed I wasn’t. I’m not sure when I was frisky last, but it’s been a long time. And I realized he wanted to snuggle or play. He didn’t get much of a play session Tuesday night so it makes sense he would be looking for something last night. From my point of view, it was not a play night. It was my day off from that. I realize that sounds strange. Why wouldn’t I want to snuggle or play? As I’ve mentioned before, I am famous for my inertia. What I crave right now, with Lion not working, with me working two jobs, with our agreement to play every other day, is inertia. It’s odd to me that I am actually being protective of my time that is not carved out for another activity. I need to be a couch potato. I need a vacation. I need to win the lottery. I need to snap out of it.
Yesterday I suggested that Lion needed more of my control. Ironically I think I need to give it to him. I can’t let myself slip back into not doing things. I was never going to give up the every other day play sessions, but I feel inertia beckoning. As much as I want to become a lump and just lay around the house, I need to keep moving. It’s difficult though. Being a lump is easy. Being in control of Lion is hard. I have to get my mind working on ways to make him feel my control.
The problem, of course, is that I am not only fighting Lion. I’m fighting myself. And myself has an alliance with inertia. As much as I balk at structure and scheduling, I think that’s exactly what I need to have. I just have to figure out how to do it.