By:
In: Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

After we played on Sunday, Mrs. Lion left me wild (uncaged). I liked the freedom. When we got close to bedtime and I was still wild, I asked Mrs. Lion if she forgot or didn’t care if I were caged. I was genuinely worried. Yesterday, she wondered if I were being snarky. She also pointed out that she knew I wouldn’t cheat or even masturbate without a cage. She went on to say that she does recognize that my forced chastity has a positive effect on our marriage and that she wants me caged.

So what is my problem? Why did I feel I had to ask her about returning me to my cage? I was worried. I was very aware all afternoon and evening that Mrs. Lion made no mention of my wild state. When it got close to bedtime and my device was still on my nightstand, I began to worry that my chastity was going to be forgotten.

I realize that was unfair of me. On some level it shows that I don’t trust that Mrs. Lion is as serious about locking me up as I am. This, for me at least, is normal behavior. Every time I have bottomed I get anxious that at some point the power exchange will just vanish. I think that in this case I worry that three isn’t enough value to Mrs. Lion to make our chastity activities a priority. She’s said on more than one occasion that she is locking me up because I want her to. She is doing it because it makes me happy.

Part of me is sure there is an expiration date on doing things just to make me happy. How much good will capital do I have left with her? I realize I may be unfair, but it seems that this is a one-sided activity. So, when Mrs. Lion seems to forget, I start to worry that she is tired of doing this just for me and will simply stop.

I can’t blame her if she does. That’s not my point. The big issue is that my dependence makes me insecure. I am a very independent person. One reason for that is to protect myself from disappointment. When I am dependent, I worry. My worry can turn into snarky behavior, grumbles, or withdrawal. Clearly this is my problem and no one else’s. The big reason I stopped bottoming all those years ago was my inability to handle this insecurity.

I’m not worried that I will lose Mrs. Lion. We have been together 12 years and our love still grows every day. I think that being dependent adds a parent/child dimension. Sexually, I am helpless without Mrs.Lion’s explicit actions. I am dependent. I have surrendered sexual power to her and given her permission to discipline me as well. I an dependent in very real terms. This makes me insecure. Since in the past I never continued for more than a very short time (a month or two) as a bottom and even in that short time became bratty, it is safe to assume that even the more mature lion still has this issue.

At least I am aware of it and I am doing my best to keep reminding myself that I have no reason to worry or get insecure. Mrs. Lion is helping by being very consistent and clear with me. So, only on those rare occasions, like Sunday night, does the insecure lion creep out and assume the worst.

By:
In: Male Chastity, Mrs Lion Comments

Last night I had no plans for Lion. No anal play. No teasing. Just a night off. When he mentioned he’d been very horny these past three days I had to remind him it had only been two days. Sunday to Tuesday is two days. He sighed and said he didn’t know how many days it had been but he’s been very horny. He said he could show me if he didn’t have the cage on. I laughed at him and then I told him we wouldn’t be playing.

The truth is, I’m glad he’s horny. He had me worried that week or so that he wasn’t. He told me he does go through what I called the doldrums from time to time, but I probably never really noticed because we weren’t really in tune with each other before. Now that I’m responsible for my weenie’s well-being I do tend to notice when it doesn’t respond. And it definitely responded on Sunday!

If I had taken him out for exercise last night I probably would have given him an orgasm. My weenie is very irresistible especially when he’s super hard. Since neither Lion nor I care too much about making him wait, it’s not a bad thing when I can’t help myself. I’m toying with the idea of riding him reverse cowgirl. He loves that position. But I was thinking of just teasing him with it and not actually letting him come. Is that too cruel? I’m not sure it’s any more cruel than doing it with my hand or mouth. But, just as with my mouth, I know I probably won’t just tease him.

I’m hoping my weenie is ready for attention tonight. Lion is due for a butt plug. Maybe I’ll even let Lion give me some attention. It’s been a while. And, depending on how urgent his need is, I’ll probably give Lion an orgasm too.

[Lion — I love these coming attractions! (pun intended)]

By:
In: Male Chastity, Sex

It’s only been a few days since my last orgasm and I am already feeling frustrated and horny. I had always assumed that my desire for sex grew as the time since my last orgasm stretched out. This is, of course, true. But it isn’t uniform. Mrs. Lion and I had an intense, fun playtime on Sunday. I was massively horny on Monday and the feeling keeps growing. I woke up this morning with a chubby that took over fifteen minutes to subside. Clearly Mrs. Lion is doing something right.

She has been much more active in my anal training. Last night she inserted the Njoy plug and I wore it for three hours. It wasn’t very uncomfortable going in and for most of the three hours it felt fine. I don’t like the feeling when Mrs. Lion removes it, but that isn’t surprising and it is a very brief bit of discomfort.

During our Sunday play, Mrs. Lion pegged me with the Clone-a-Willie copy of my cock. I haven’t reached the point where I actually enjoy it, but I did start to feel like I wanted to pee. That sensation is usually caused by prostate stimulation. It could be that the dildo was massaging my prostate and if kept up, I might have been milked. I think that was the last thing either of us wanted at the time. It was my orgasm day and I would have been disappointed if I were milked instead.

I have long wondered about prostate milking. We have tried it on many occasions with no real result. Maybe the lion dildo is the key to success. From what I’ve read, if the semen is milked out by stimulating the prostate, the male loses sexual interest the same way he would if given an orgasm. Popular lore says that this technique can be used for just that purpose.

I’ve noticed that my language has changed a bit since being locked up. In the past, I’ve always referred to my orgasms as, “having an orgasm”. Now, since sexual control has been surrendered, I say “given an orgasm.” I think it is subconscious recognition that I no longer own my orgasms. I can only have one if Mrs. Lion gives it to me. This is much more significant than it might seem at first look.

For example, milking used to be something that piqued my curiosity. I still wonder about it, but wouldn’t even consider trying to stimulate myself. Like orgasms, I no longer feel they are mine to “have” or “take”. Another change is my feelings about corrective spankings. Often, if I break a rule like eating before Mrs. Lion or interrupting her, she will give me a couple of hard swats with a paddle. In the past I considered those swats as a brief, fun activity. Now, I find myself really trying not to break a rule. I don’t think it is the swats as much as some internal switch has been thrown that makes me want to obey more. I think that if Mrs. Lion were to increase the number of swats to the point I really hate those corrective spankings, I might improve even more.

So what do corrective spankings have to do with milking and anal play? The answer, I think, is that these activities send very clear control messages to my brain. Both are physical activities. They are done to me without my participation. Milking, while not discipline, is an intense activity that takes my ability to orgasm away and puts me in a very vulnerable position. Anal play is another activity that doesn’t require my participation or cooperation and involves some discomfort. Corrective spanking is the most direct form of physical control. Unlike the “fun” spankings that I love to hate, corrective spanking  not only hurts, but also forcibly reminds me that I have done something wrong.

Since forced male chastity, to me, is about control, any activity that makes me helpless or dependent meets my desire to feel Mrs. Lion’s control. For me, chastity doesn’t have to be about long waits to orgasm. Mrs. Lion could give me an orgasm every day (not too fond of that) and still satisfy my need to be controlled.

I’m discovering that over the last six months, I am no longer “playing” at being sexually controlled. I am sexually controlled and without consciously  realizing it, I am being trained by Mrs. Lion.

By:
In: Male Chastity

On Sunday when I removed Lion from his cage for his playtime and orgasm, I didn’t immediately lock him back up. When he first asked me if I wanted him locked up again I was in the middle of something and then one thing led to another. At bedtime he asked if I had forgotten something. Why, yes. Yes I had. As I was locking him up he said he still wonders if I even care if he’s locked up. I didn’t answer him, but a few minutes later I remembered he “earned” some swats for eating before I did so I gave him an extra swat for his comment. I didn’t tell him the extra swat was there because I was debating whether he had a valid point or if he was just being snarky. Either way, I figured an extra swat just made up for a time I forgot to punish him in the past.

Why would Lion have a valid point? Do I care if he’s locked up? There are several different levels to that question. I don’t think Lion is going to run out and have sex with someone else. I don’t think Lion would go back to masturbating. I’m hoping he wouldn’t need to. Those are not reasons for keeping him caged. It doesn’t turn me on to know he’s caged, but then I haven’t been turned on by much lately. However, the cage has changed us. We’re better now. Neither of us wants to change that dynamic. For that reason alone, and it’s a big one, I care that he is caged.

Why would Lion be snarky? Sometimes my pet needs reassurance. I’ve noticed over the years that he will make a snide remark and/or have a tantrum when he feels neglected. I can only imagine how neglected he must have felt last night when he was still uncaged hours after he should have been locked up. Maybe he felt he was getting away with something and was just waiting to be caught. Maybe he didn’t want to bother me about it.

The cage was on his nightstand. If I had put it somewhere more conspicuous I would have remembered. It was my fault. From now on I will leave it right in front of me so I cannot forget. So maybe Lion didn’t deserve the extra swat he got last night. Maybe he actually deserves a reward for reminding me. I’ll see what I can do about that.